new additions..

My white empty wall

After 2 hours of figuring out what's best in terms of drilling and using the right screws...

Close up

A mask my sister bought from Africa for me

the semi orange room

My work station

Clothes rack

The center of my room?!

Beloved guitar resting on the floor

The seat beckons me back to studies. :(

we are family

No, contrary to what you are thinking, I'm not singing the song.

This week, after lots of thinking, the one thing I've come to realize, with being a christian, is that, I'm really part of a bigger family. Sometimes, it's hard to see that. Sometimes, we treat each other just as friends, or just another person on the street.

Truth be told, is that, it isn't really true.

I believe, a christian can be so unlikeable to the point of risking strangulation, but still when in need, will be helped by fellow brothers or sisters (of course, they have to know that this person is in trouble). Why? Some might say, it's because they are all christians and they should do good, or purely because of namesake that they ARE christians. I used to want to believe that there is a greater bond than that. Now, I know for sure, it is purely for the reason that, we are of the same family, the same Father.

How DID I come to this conclusion?

When I was younger, more stubborn, more irritating, a rebel, I remember of people who stood by me and guided me, even when I refused guidance. Really. I was quite the stubborn donkey.
Now, it's my turn to lead and chance getting kicked by the donkey.

Are we sometimes to proud to be in a family who will help and guide us along the way? For a lot of us, rather be in our own circle, and remain in that private circle.

you know you are...

hanging out with girls too much when:

1. The only people on your text and call list are mostly girls.

2. You start acting like them, ie: learn how to merajuk (although not all girls are like that). My fav look from them is still -.- HAHA, or start to sigh a lot.

3. They ask you, or rather BUG you to show them a picture of yourself cross dressed.

4. Soon enough, you'll be recruited into the yaya sisterhood or the sisterhood of the traveling pants or what not.

5. Start playing with hair, twisting hair with finger.

6. Blinking eyes to make that 'cute' look.

I'm stopping here, for risk of getting 'whacked', 'scratched' or given dirty looks. Just in case: this is just humor, not meant to pick on anyone in particular. So, please, don't send me msgs about me being sexist, or rude or etc.

clarification

About my previous blog entry...

Yeah.... it's YOU, I HATE YOU!



Just kidding.
I wanted to clarify, I was just trying to illustrate my point on loving and shepherding all of God's children. Yes. I know. It means, the believers, but I also see it as everyone. (There can be bad sheep who don't listen to the shepherd right?). I was just trying to say, I am compelled to love all, despite qualities I dislike (to put in daintily). It's just in line with the whole, God loves you no matter who you are, in spite of race, color, culture, background, how one lives their life.

***

On other matters, I must say, the members in my life group are IMPRESSIVE! I know it might not mean much, but if this was a performance, I would give all of you a standing ovation. This people were sensational, from giving up their time, car (I'm so sorry about your car, I really hope your dad doesn't kill you, because if he does, I don't mind taking your place. Sorry!), their place, their culinary skills, invitational skills, their talking skills and what not. God bless them over and over again until their stores houses overflow.

I really do hope we managed to bless the new students who came in. I remember first coming to IMU, and how it was a very very strange place to me. I remember, trying to get friends by doing things for their approval. Peer pressure. What else. I hope that these people will bring back a little something as they go home, and also to trigger them into letting (if even a little) the God factor in their lives.

People of IMU LG, you did beyond awesome tonight, you performed better than the best entertainers on stage. You did what was pleasing in God's eyes, and all heaven is rejoicing.

Good job!

i hate....

I hate people who don't think, but just shoot their mouth. I hate how people try to take advantage of me when I'm nice. I hate how nasty people can be when I'm being polite. I hate smart comments for the sake of it, or for the sake of argument, just to show who's on top and who's boss. I hate people who don't get their facts right and assume.

I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate...
I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate...
I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate...
I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate...
I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate...

It's so easy to hate or dislike somethings. Just as I was unwinding after a long day (although not the end), God spoke to me very clearly. It was a reminder.

John 21:15-17
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said," you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."
The third time he said to him, " Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my sheep...

Do I really love His sheep? Am I doing what He would do? I'm trying my level best. It's really easy not to love people especially, when they bug you about things and you have a million other things to do. Or if something else takes priorities, ie: books. It's convenient to love someone when they are in fact, loveable, and when they don't disobey you.

How can I best paint this picture?

Do I say I love Jesus?

Then, am I feeding His sheep?

tired, but fulfilled

I must say. It has been a long 2-3 weeks. So many things that happen, but I must say, God's words has never rung so loud and so clear.

It has been tough. Tough to humble myself, swallow my own pride, to allow God to do the things He does. No more complaining out loud, no more whining to people how certain people react and how I don't like it.

Why?

Simply because I'm learning to edify people.

I knew it was never simple to raise, rally or reach people, but today, I realized it was more difficult than I thought. I am learning to appreciate my leaders on a higher level now.

Today, as I sang in worship to God, the song Here I Am (by 1 A.M.), I really surrendered all. I felt I managed to come to a place, where I was truly at peace in God's presence.

This bit especially:

You said in Your word, oh God
You have many plans for me
Plans of hope, plans of peace
I will soar above each and every storm
and live the dreams You have for me
I lay my life for You, I set my faith in You

So, I did. Whichever that I have not surrendered, I did. If I had not obeyed, I will.

I hold to this verse true: John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Time to claim the fullness that God has offered.

one more day

One more day. That day is finally here. My exams.

breath breath breath....

This past few weeks have been very confusing for me. There are times where I just didn't want to do anything anymore, and totally give up. Coming home yesterday in Kareem's car, we were chatting, and I told him, although I feel like I'm not totally prepared for this exam, it has been a fulfilling two weeks.

It's a different season for me, as I come to believe that God will bless me and put me in the right place. It's always easy to say, it will not happen and feel it's impossible, and HOPE that God will bless us if we come humbly enough (to the point we profess that we cannot make it through).

Through the whole day yesterday, as the enemy sent people in my midst to discourage me, I kept thinking of this verse:

John 20:29 Then Jesus told him," Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

I don't want to come and appear all full of faith only after I get my results and do sufficiently well. I don't want to cower in fear, and go on day by day, with hopes that my God will bless me.
I want to appear even before my exams, with full knowledge that my God is with me (who can be against me?). To believe before I see. That's what I need and want to do.

the countdown

Tick tock tick tock. The days quickly slip away from my grip, as I try to prepare myself for the upcoming USMLE step 2. The harder I hold on to my day, the faster it escapes through my fingers. I can see why they call it the sands of time. Each day, I have to come to endure and face the fact that my exam is just around the corner, and I'm nowhere near to being prepared.

Panic ensues, as if the sky were soon to fall on my head, as I feel like running helter skelter as the rabbit who thought the world was coming to an end.

5 more days 5 more days! Most people would be glad that their exams would soon be over, but I really wish for more days. More time to read and be totally confident before going in.

It's in times like this I cry out the Lord and ask, "Are you SERIOUS about wanting me to do this?"

Joshua 1: 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

My trust will be in God, who knows what He is doing. As opposed to me.

only in Malaysia

Didn't know the appropriate title for this entry, just something I thought I'd write and make it in tandem with my 40 days for Malaysia tribute. I know. I lack urgency in studying for my exams.

Talking to my sister over dinner (ba ku teh, for all those of you who are not home in Malaysia, haw haw), we were just commenting on the many funny things that one could observe while walking the streets or rather sometimes, the broad spaces of a shopping mall. She was just telling me how she saw some girl dressed up in heels, mini skirt, some top and had a flower in her hair. My sister's comment on how she thinks she's on some tropical beach was very befitting.

To think about it, Malaysia isn't Malaysia, if there weren't the ah lians and ah bengs, and all the oddly dressed people. It wouldn't be Malaysia if there weren't people in the cinema commenting out aloud about the movie everyone else is watching (yes, laugh it up, but it gets irritating when people go, oh look, oh look, it's Gandalf, or when the simplest of plots are questioned, ie: A died because B hated him and hence, killed him).
Only in Malaysia, would a driver run a red light, and stare at the driver who's trying to move on his turn. Of course, not to forget, we have our very own slang. So for all foreigners who want to fit in, don't forget to add the Malaysia suffixes - lah, mah, loh, ah, ba, etc.

Tell me, where can one get so much entertainment without having to spend a single cent? Only in Malaysia. Honestly, sometimes I feel I would not miss this country if I left, but who am I kidding? Where will I source all my jokes? :p

40 days for Malaysia

Many times I've complained about the lack of facilities, the mindset of the people here, or how I dislike the bureaucracy (hope I don't get arrested for making that statement, haha), but I've never stepped up to bring changes or try to at least lend a helping hand in shaping this nation. In short, I've never really called Malaysia my own.
Well, today, in conjunction with NECF's 40 day fasting and prayer for the nation, I shall start my very own tribute for this country I call home.

She is one who is made of multiple cultures, each unique in itself, coloring her. One, whom I've failed many times over to call my own. Instead I stood to watch and complain, somewhat hoping that one would step up to clean the smear marks on her, to clean her and raise her to be beautiful. It would never be I, who would do anything for her.

I would pray for the things I needed and for all that I wanted, but it never came across my mind. She was the last thing on my mind to be loved, yet the first when it comes to expressing my annoyance on 'how things could be better'.

So, today, as this country continues to walk down the lane of development, I pledge myself to at least pray and fast for this nation, for Malaysia, she is my home.

sold out

I just bought the album 'Sold out' made by ECF, after going in circles trying to get one. Perhaps I did not make enough effort, but it's finally here, and I've heard it over and over again. I must say, it really does speak to me, especially the song 'sold out' itself, where somewhere in the middle, PC quotes from 1Kings19, where Elisha basically left all that he had, behind as he was called by God.

From verse 21 onwards:
So Elisha left him and went back. He took his yoke of oxen and slaughtered them. He burned the plowing equipment to cook the meat and gave it to the people, they ate. Then he set out to follow Elijah and became his attendant.

Elisha was sold out for God, gave his all in pursuit of God.

What about you? When was the last time we gave up something for God, be it excuses, our time, or something that was really hindering our relationship with God. Will we ever set out hearts to follow God no matter what the circumstances?

I believe God is already sold out for us, always blessing us and looking out for us.
Isn't it about time we did the same?

sundays

Sundays, are the days before Monday. The day before the week starts, before the onslaught of incoming work (be it classes or real work).
It starts off slow, and quiet, unlike all other mornings of the week, then a slow afternoon, incomparable to any other afternoons, the kind where one can just relax, doze off in the heat, while perfect Sunday afternoon music croons in the background.
Sunday night ensues, and this is the time I gather my thoughts. Just before Monday blues hit, and time just zooms by.

Somehow, no matter what, Sundays are special, even with the imminent Monday. I think about what I want to do with the rest of my week, I think about things that happen in the past, places of special memories revisited, mistakes and errors I need to learn from my personal history of fumbles and falls.

The only reason I'm probably feeling so 'emo' right now is because I'm listening to Angela Aki's "Kiss Me Goodbye". Kissing the past of regrets goodbye, I guess?

random

Here's a video and also just to test if my steps of posting a video is correct. A bachelor party that I could not attend as I was still away in Canada. Reminds me of Stephen's party. Woo hoo.

not at peace, but...

This whole week, whether my heart races, or my stomach feels turned inside out, or my bowels feel like it's doing the mexican wave over and over again (not to mention, how there's probably no more mosquitoes in my room due to poisonous gas... phew!).
Why? My exam for one and the reality that has hit my hard over the weeks.

Why am I on earth for?

Hence, the renewed desire to want to reach out, shape IMU, etc.

Well, I must say, I really feel God's been speaking to me LOTS this week. Specifically, this whole chapter that I read in 2 Cor 4.
Specifically this few verses: 7-11.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body."

Exams? Trials? Tribulations? Motor vehicle accident?
How do we act in this situations? Are we crushed? In despair? At the brink of destruction or already destroyed to bits? Overworked until the point of quiting?

2 Cor 4:16-18
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix out eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen, is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

I am encouraged beyond words. I don't know about you, but I guess life IS really too short to fret about things to the point that one cannot be fruitful. I want to continue to trust God in all matters.

phew. The mexican waves have left. Ai carumba. What a relief! :p

what's next

Today, the IMU core met, and for the first time, I believe I was doing what I felt IMU should have done in a long time. My only prayer is that, this will not be the first and last, but for many more to come. It'll sound a little too gung ho when I say this, but time to raise a generation for God.

I spilled my heart out about what I felt we should be doing for IMU, and how we can be a little more deliberate with what we do (notice how I used the word deliberate, haha). Among some of the points I shared was, about how deliberate about doing God's work, be it raising new leaders, following up with people, engaging one to one with new people, or people who have yet to know or come to know Christ.

I remember how when I was still studying in IMU, and how PC or Nai Yee would keep asking us about our progress with people, or teach us ways that were effective, I would listen, but at the same time, I only did when I was asked or what I was asked to. I don't know, whether I was being thick, or just apathetic, I never did quite go past the 'list' on my own initiative.
Looking back, it was fear and pride that halted my progress most of the time, fear of lack of time to study, fear of rejection, fear for a lack of listeners and being prideful, thinking that surely I am doing enough (right?).

As I was praying for the meeting today, I came across 1John 4:18
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

God's perfect love for me, should be more than sufficient to drive me to do all things that is outside my comfort zone. God's love for people and hence, my love for people, should not and cannot be reigned by fear.
Hmmm, there's more to that verse that I'm not getting, I'll have to meditate on it. :)

the bank people vs bank customer

Honestly, I'm trying to cut down the rants and what not, but every time I have a lousy experience or dissatisfying time some place, I feel the need to blog it.

Today, was no less another, really painful, time wasting, turn-red-in-the-face, temperature rising, rage overpowering encounter, when I tried to go to the bank to open a new account.
Let me lay out my 2.5 hours trying to open an account, as simple as possible.

First, I was told that because my identity card's address was of Melaka and NOT Selangor, I must open an account in Melaka, or bring a bill with my name on it (and of course the address must be in Selangor). So, I went back to the apartment, to do just so, and returned to the bank.
TIME WASTED: about 50 minutes.

I finally get to fill in the form and my application gets processed. ONLY to my dismay, that because I wrote on the form that I was a graduate (I wanted to put Dr for once and not Mr, but wasn't the wisest of ideas) and was working in IMU (which basically made me open the account to begin with for payment purposes), they wanted the full address of the 'company'. To this, I have to thank Li Shun for helping me out by getting the address.
TIME WASTED: another 20 minutes or so

FINALLY, the card is ready, everything is in order, and I had to John Hancock about a dozen times, and the guy says to me, you have to go change the PIN of your ATM (ABM for those in Canada) card, then make a deposit, to which, I was certain he initially said MYR 150. At this point, I thought to myself, "Fortunately, I brought MYR 200 with me", and was happy that I was ready for at least one part of my banking experience. Just as he handed me my new card, he said, "Okay, so go change your PIN, and then go to the deposit machine, and put in MYR 250".
!!!!!!!!
MYR 200 was not acceptable to them. I asked. Guess what I had to do?
TIME WASTED: another 15 minutes.


Please do tell me, WHY OH WHY can't the services in Malaysia be a little more efficient and user/customer friendly?
The rate I'm going, I can actually write my own book of Lamentations. I'm serious.

nachos in Malaysia

Talk about downsizing. This nachos costs MYR 20 (about CAN 6+) compared to the pic below my profile which was CAN 10. Sigh. No more value for money meals. The "sandwich" which looked more like a burger to me was also MYR20. At least I had my fill of Vanilla Coke. Yum....

malaysian brands? pls don't promote it...

You know, I really wanted to curb this rant habit, but out of sheer frustration, I had to write it here. If I have the time later, I'm going to write to the newspapers.

Before I go on, if you can imagine me shouting this (because I am):

WHAT THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE............

Crap. I spent the last hour going out to get myself a stand fan, only to realize when I came home, that a part of the fan is missing. How on earth did the fan pass its quality control? I really really want to be someone who can say he's honestly proud of his country, but sometimes, being let down by simple small things like this, can really change one's mind. I thought I'd buy a locally made fan, because, heck it's cheaper than the rest, and I thought it's quality would be comparable, if not it would as least last me long enough before going to machine heaven (the dump).
But NOOooooo, they HAD to prove me wrong. Now I have to spend another hour going back to the shopping center, lugging a heavy box, just to exchange this for a fan that I should have in my room by NOW.

There goes 3 hours of my life today (plus the 3 minutes I'm spending on this blog entry). Thanks a lot Malaysian brand. *with a hint of sarcasm (or a lot)*

Frigfrigfrigfrigfrigfrig.....

edit: Okay. Just to be more specific. Don't buy Pensonic....

the modern family

She took the bag out from the freezer, rushed for time, she was just going to prepare a simple quick meal for the family.

"Fries and hamburgers", she thought to herself. Easy, quick, and her kids will have no complaints.

She had no choice, she had a busy day at work, then soon, she had to send Ling to her tutor's house for extra classes and Jon to a friend's birthday party. Her husband is stuck in his office. Another long meeting for an upcoming project.

Day in day out, it was always busy at the Tan's residence. Everyone had their schedule full, and especially extra hectic for the working mother. Some nights, dinner was just take out from the nearby fast food restaurant. If diet was how a family was identified, one would not have thought that the Tans were chinese.

As far as she could think back, they have had not many authentic chinese food, unless those from the local chinese restaurants that swears a hundered and ten percent authenticity, and provides a fortune cookie for each person just to prove the point. The last time she really had any good chinese food, was when she was little, and her mother cooked all the meals.

Dumplings, steamed pork, mixed vegetables with mushrooms, a day long boiled soup, food that seems to have disappeared from her daily meals simply because of lack of time. Simply because she had not learnt how to cook it. She never thought it was a skill she had to pick up.

Now, this culture of culinary, may just be gone forever. Killed by convenience, the lack of time, or Westernization? Soon, all foods will be the same, and all cultures merged to one. Hopefully, not in my generation.

not just a choice of words

Quite recently, those who are close to me, would realize that my favorite word is choice. I started using this word a lot because I came to realization that a lot of things are just a matter of choice, whether one does something or not, it's a choice, and I've really come to feel that no one can really force you to do something because it always ALWAYS boils down to: what will you choose to do.
Of course, each choice has it's consequences and hence, one's excuse of not performing a task sometimes.

Yesterday, I found 'affection' for another word. The word 'delibrate' came to my attention, and as I thought about it, I started to evaluate myself. How delibrate am I in doing certain things? I say I plan my day out and try to do most of the things I do, but sometimes I just go with the flow. It has come to point in my life, that this is no longer effective. I cannot go prancing in the sunlight hoping that I may stumble upon some treasure along the way, or hope to get doughnuts by throwing flour and sugar into a bowl. If I want to achieve something, I have to work out the steps and then, perform them.

Hmm. Don't know why it wasn't as clear before. Maybe I forgot to remove the scales of my eyes first. :p

First, I have to make a choice, then I have to be delibrate about it.

Time for some change around here.

quick updates

Just some quick updates. It's not that I'm too busy, just that my brain is a little too fried up at the moment.

1. My nose hasn't stopped running (not that you really wanted to know htat) and my eyes get red every so often. Yippee! I'm allergic to Malaysia.
2. I've registered for a whole bunch of exams. First one is in Aug. Next one is prob in Sept. Have to work hard and do well. If not, I can kiss residency in the States good bye. Prayers please? :)
3. Getting back in pace, in church here, has been hard, but nonetheless, it's good to be back. I'm being careful about my time.
4. My days are now consistently made of books, meals, meeting people and reading (oh wait, that's the same as books isn't it?). I just pray to God, that I can still be purposeful in the midst of all this.
5. i've also been wondering about friends in Halifax, especially Karemy, who've apparently been too busy to keep in touch. Haha

Hmm. The sneezing has started. Nothing a little anti-histamine and coffee can't fix. Or sleep. Or lazing around. :p

things that irk me

1. I guess the number 1 thing that really bothers me is how the word 'can' is unnecessarily added to a sentence. Wait. I didn't put that right. How 'can' is put at the end of a sentence.
For example:
Wah, that driver is horrible, can?
That baby is so cute, can?
She bought so many at one go, can?
Ugh...... the worse is, I shared it with my sister, and once in a while when she remembers she bugs me about it by adding an extra sentence just to fit it in.

2. Malaysian drivers are evil. They don't signal, and when one is trying to turn out onto the road, instead of slowing down and giving way, they speed up and try to hit you.
Malaysian drivers are evil, can? (Argh, I've caught the disease)

3. The air. My nose is like a leaky faucet. Only, it doesn't drip water. Well, I don't have to share too much here for you to get the pic do I? It doesn't help that people are allowed to smoke at eateries (the cheaper ones anyways).

4. Food portions that are small, albeit it not being cheap. This leads to me spending more, just to get a good fill. And when I mean good fill, I mean, enough for me not to get hungry 4 hours post meal. Large pizza here is only 12" vs the 16" I'm used to.

5. Traffic jams. Man. Just to get out of the housing area during a peak hour, it takes about 15 minutes. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss the good old days of walking.

6. The heat. Need I say more? I'm melting........ meltinggggggggggg......

I know I know, full of complaints aren't I? Well, there are many good things here too, that I'm happy I'm home for. Good friends, good food, and family (not necessarily in that order). I know the Lord has and will bless me wherever I go, and that in itself, is better than any other thing.

5240 Kent St

Jeremy: Ian's hair looks tasty
Taky: Chris is mine.
Anthony: No, he is MINE.
Chris: Guys, there's plenty of me to go around.
Dickson: Are we taking a picture yet? Is there something in my teeth?

in love

Before I proceed to misled anyone, I must clarify, this post is not about me falling in love. :p

Now moving on to business.

Talking about love has always produced many ideas. I have heard of so many discussions about love, whether it's about a BG relationship, a child-parent kind of love, and of course there is also the God and us kind of love. (There's a whole long list for types of love, but I'm not going to dive in that direction. Not today anyways).

During yesterday's campus meeting, there was the discussion of love, because there was a brief discussion about BG relationship. When love and the bible comes into discussion, I believe most people would instantly think about 1 Cor 13 (Myself at least anyways). Many years ago, if you would to ask me, I would say it is a feeling. That's why, when it's silent, I feel like I'm not being loved, or I'm not loving God. It's also the same reason I use, that everytime I feel a weird euphoric, I claim I am in love. (Hmmm, a bit shallow I was).

I will always remember during Stephen's stag party, when Josh gave him the advice, that love is not a feeling, that love is a choice, I came to realization that my version of love was somewhat incorrect. It makes a little more sense then that love is patient, love is kind etc, because all this are not innate capabilities. In verse 7 of 1Cor13, it goes on to say, "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Now, I always used to think that it's only natural that when one loves another, they will protect them from harm, from evil and the whole nine yards. Whether it is family, or a relationship.

Then, this was quoted during the campus meeting yesterday.
Philippians 1:9-11
And this is my prayer:that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ - to the glory and praise of God.

It speaks on many levels. The one that we talked about yesterday, is between opposite genders. To love a fellow brother or sister, one must be also aware, that in true love, one does not stumble the other, being in friendship or courtship. To discern what is best for one another, and not just for oneself. Love is not self seeking.

Even among friends, a great love between friends, would mean doing things in such a way that it will not cause another to fall. It means, watching each other's language, watching each other's actions. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Hmm. I guess, I really have to be careful with what I say, or what I do. For truly, when we choose to love someone, we must also be committed to build that person, and not cause them to fall.

Does that make sense?

in my new office

Well. Not really. The office was meant to be in inverted comas, I do not have a real office. Just some small space tucked away in a not so little corner of my sister's apartment. I just call it my office because, this is where I would be spending a lot of my time for the next little while.

The weekend was a good one. Had done some studying, gone back to church for the SNL service (Sat Night Life), ate breakfast with my sister and then, went for a wedding in Genting, spend my whole night playing board games until the break of dawn, and then extended my weekend by crashing in bed for the rest of Monday.

The wedding was a rare concept (to my knowledge) carried out in Malaysia. It was a garden wedding, but unfortunately, it rained pretty heavy halfway through the ceremony. The guests in their sundresses, shirt/blazer or batik, had to run for shelter while the wedding went on. They had to skip right to the exchange of vows, while fellow church mates held unbrellas for the couple and the pastor.

You'd probably be asking yourself right now, why would I be blogging about this. Two reasons actually, one being the groom was my ex-discpler, so we're pretty tight (? haha). The other reason, was it gave me more time to contemplate about my own life. No, I'm not going to get all teary eyed and whiny, and complain about getting old. Watching fellow friends getting married, and moving into different circles of life (couple friends group) and what not, it sometimes irks me, but it also reminds me, I'm moving on with life.

Hence, the new look on my blog. I hope however, it's not just the look that changes, but the content in this blog here now on. Well, only time will tell eh?

back for only so many days and already...

Already more than a dozen thigns to complain about. Drivers not signaling when they drive, the heat, horrible internet connection.... among the many things that I have been complaining about, aloud or silently. Although, I've told myself to stop complaining, I'm finding it hard. I guess I'll survive, if I really want to, and somethings can't be changed, and hence I'll just have to live with it.

Today, I joined my ex-uni's lifegroup to observe (for those in Canada, the life group is like the cell group, or like our fellowship). It was really different. The one thing I enjoyed in Canada, is the discussion we had. Though, I have to say, the person who led today, was quite a good teacher. I just wonder if everyone really listened and paid attention. Hard to tell when no one really responds, but looking back at how I used to be one who would sit and listen to the cell group leader talk or teach, I can understand how hard it is to get through to people sometimes. Especially when you have someone like me, who only likes to remember things when it's of importance.

I call it, saving my memory space. :p

It's odd how I treat my brain like a hard disk with only so much capacity.

Moving on to other topics, just a few more days and I'll be able to open my guitar case. My fingers are itching already.

Only one thing remains, how should I serve my local church here?

day 3

It's been my third day back home, and it's been pretty good so far, except for the fact, come 2pm daily, I feel like I need a quick shut eye. However, it's a fight to go to sleep, as the body doesn't quite correlate with the mind, PLUS the fact that there's drilling during the day, doesn't help with me trying to go to bed. AND when I finally do, I can't wake up.

That's it! My last straw, I'm going to have to infuse coffee into myself, until I stay wide awake and sober.

ZZZzzzZZzzz

touchdown

I'm home. Words can't describe the feeling. Truly in the past few days, it has been a bittersweet experience. The minute everyone said their last goodbyes, it was such a surreal feeling. It was truly the last goodbye. For now anyways. It was tough because, as I said before, I don't know when I'll ever see this people again.

I must confess, God has been good to me. Really good to me. The more I think about it, the more I see, and I come to realize, for every single path that I've taken, if it were to be hard, God truly truly never forsake me nor left me. Even though I complained, God didn't. He saw me through. I will always remember how I arrived in Halifax lonely and had to stand up for myself. God not only helped me to learn to be independent, but He knew when I could no longer bear it anymore, He sent me friends. I passed my exam, and graduated with a degree. He thought me many life lessons, one being that truly, God loves all of us, and He has entrusted this love through friendships, through humans.

Now the other long stretch, studying for USMLEs and what not. I must say this, I have grown to trust Him more. I will go wherever He takes me. I hope I remember this vow.

Thanks God, for bringing me through. I am here, only by Your grace and mercy.

4 more days...

Another 4 more days. All the packing. All the moving, giving away stuff and selling some if possible.
Never thought this day would come. That's why, previously, some things were taken for granted.

As I look through my clothes, my books, and things that have been given to me, I realize a lot has transpired in the past 2 years, and God has really brought me far.

I am grateful. I truly am. I've been blessed with passing exams, finding a family here and good friends. It feels quite surreal that I might be gone, never to visit back again (unless I grow cash trees or find oil in my backyard).

I do hope you guys come to Malaysia instead. Haha.

The clock ticks. Come Saturday, I would have to go home.
Thanks for the memories Halifax. I have found many treasures in which I will store in my heart.

finally

Yes. Finally. No. Not finally a new blog post, or finally, I've finished a race.

It's finally. FINALLY. I am done with med school. Well, at least part of it.

My first degree today, with my first ceremony of delightful name reading, one after another, totalling up to probably 300 names. Yes, my convocation was today, and besides me rushing to the convocation because I thought I was late, nothing else interesting happened. No huge fireworks or roars of cheers, just the claps as each student walks up the stage, and graduates in their field. I'm certainly not belittling the whole process, but am just merely implying that it wasn't as grand as I'd thought it'd be.

MD.

Two letters that I can proudly add to the back of my name.
Do I qualify? Will I serve the people well? I kind of dislike it when people say that I have ideals because I am young and that I'll probably lose it once I'm older. I hope not. I'll pray hard that it won't happen. I still believe in what I know and believe. I hope, that it will never waiver nor falter.

This has been a rather good day. I guess the proud achievement, proudly framed up, and on its way home.

People, some of your lives may be in my hands. Pray, pray really really hard. :p

holiday (1)

Holiday. Ah. It's been rest rest and rest. I don't know why, but I feel so guilty, like I need to be studying (which actually, by right, I AM supposed to).
So far it's been a really nice week in Toronto, and today in Niagara. It's been either going to the Phantom of the Opera, to walking in the rain, visiting a castle, or going to the highest man made observation tower, to shopping like crazy, it's been pretty good. Here are just some of the few between the hundred (s) that I've taken (for now at least), to give an idea of my trip so far.

Eaton centre.
Random fence on the beach. I don't know what it is for.

Still the beach. Thought this part just looks, different.

Shadows in the sun. When you can't get a photo of two people (because one of you needs to hold the camera, this would be a good one to do, haha)
Inside castle loma. Was going for a "ghosts of the past" look, but Mandy walked too slow.

Fountains in the garden of castle loma.
In the subway. Just playing around to get the slow shutter speed effect.

Not much typing for now. Thoughts still a bit scattered, but will continue to post up pics. Hopefully.

the word

I read something today, which struck me pretty hard. I never quite read it like this before. Let' just call it a new revelation.

I've read this passage so many times, but not like this, and not realizing how powerful the word can really be. Who said the bible wa outdated, and it's relevance in today's world, almost second to none? We forget, about what God has set aside for us, His word, and we take it for granted, thinking it's just another book for good teaching.

This passage with the highlighted bits speak VOLUMES to me:
Romans 8:
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Are we feeling really troubled today? Have things burgeoning into something greater than ourselves, so much so that we decide to give it up, and pack it in?
This passage is a real promise. I know I won't be alone when I run into certain problems, and I know I don't have to count on experiences more than God's word to know that He is real. The promise has been made, it's up to us, I believe to trust and know, that NOTHING seperates us from the love of God.

the home stretch

It's the final few weeks in Halifax and I'm in the midst of packing, getting rid of books or things that I think I do not need to bring home. In about 4 weeks time, I'll be on a plane flying home, and honestly, I don't know if I'll ever be back in Halifax again. Hopefully, I'll at least be in the United States.

Ahh. 2 years of being in Halifax. I don't know how much I'll miss it, it was full of fond and bittersweet memories. What I remember most about this place though, was where I learnt to be truly independent, and have come to realize that in a lot of things, one has to depend not on men, but more of myself (I'm actually talking about when handing in forms or making deadlines), but of course the biggest lessons learnt are, all actions stem from choices, and choices are made actively. Can't be forced, and it is not a feeling. I also learnt that I cannot depend on people in terms of spitirual matters. Always go back to the big kahuna (God of course).

Just a short entry this time. I really should start getting back to my packing. Here's a good capture (I think) of Halifax.

life cycles

Getting old.
Achey bones.
Marriages. Happy couples.
Pregnancies. Newborn babies.
New jobs, new places.
Exams, interviews, projects.
New friends, old friends,
more friends.
Good times, sad days, horrible weeks.
Sick, deathly ill.
Walking again.
So much to see, so much to look forward to!?
All to thank God for.
No really, to thank God for all.
Life.

it hurts

It hurts sometimes to think, that one may not be as special as they think they are, that if there were a pick to be made for that PE game, you'd be last, and NOBODY truly wants to be last.
It hurts to see people get chosen for great things, and to think that you are sidelined only because you never hear back, and you assume that that's the end.
It's bad when we hope for something so much, and it never comes, then we question if we should ever hope some more, if all is doom and gloom.

However, I think what hurts more, is the fact that we let these things get to us, that we rather wallow in our own pity, that we do not do more, but merely sit and wait, and hope for good things to come. We forget that sometimes we have poor intentions, that we seek to glorify ourselves than to glorify the one that we are supposed to. We forget to be dependent, and we try to be independent, seeking to do all things in our own strength, our intelligence and dilligence.

When did we forget about looking at the big picture, and started focusing on the small picture, which is ourselves?

I guess today, when a friend told me about being prophesied again, I was jealous. I never had any prophesies at all. Took me a few good minutes to realize, that I don't know truly what God's plan is, but I would have to just trust and obey, not blindly but by faith, and continue to be totally dependent on Him. So quick am I jealous when I feel like God's not speaking to me, imagine what He feels? (haha, sorry God! I'll do better :p )

the world, which we call for freedom of choice

More discussion about this freedom which we so zealously fight for, and so valiantly proclaim when we feel another wrongs us. Unfortunately, we fail to see, that this freedom comes with a high price, a price we probably don't mind paying, because in the small picture, it benefits us, but in the larger picture, we lose so much from it.

This is US today: the generation that wants to be free, including free from making a choice. Nothing is absolute, and nothing is fixed. Everything can be questioned and everything can be wrong. Trust nothing but your own self, because all others may be wrong. This are probably slogans chanted every single day, in hopes that one will not be dragged down by the 'rules' of religion or culture.

This is an interesting description of (probably the youth) the generation today by G.K Chesterton:
The new rebel is a skeptic and will not entirely trust anything. He has no loyalty; therefore, he can never be really a revolutionist. And the fact that he doubts everything really gets in his way when he wants to denounce anything. For all denunciation implies a moral doctrine of some kind and the modern revolutionist doubts not only the institution he denounces, but the doctrine by which he denounces it. Thus, he write some book complaining that imperial oppression insults the purity of women, and then he writes another book, a novel, in which he insults it himself. He curses the Sultan because Christian girls lose their virginity, and then he curses Mrs. Grundy because they keep it. As a politician he will cry out that war is a waste of life, and then as a philosopher that all life is a waste of time. A Russian pessimist will denounce a policeman for killing a peasant, and then prove by the highest philosophical principles that the peasant ought to have killed himself. A man denounces marriage as a lie and then denounces aristocratic profligates for treating it as a lie. He calls a flag a bauble and then blames the oppressors of Poland or Ireland because they take away that bauble. The man of this school goes first to a political meeting, where he complains that savages are treated as if they were beasts. Then he takes his hat and umbrella and goes on to a scientific meeting where he proves that they practically are beasts. In short, the modern revolutionist, being an infinite skeptic, is always encouraged in undermining his own mind. In his book on politics he attacks men for trampling on morality, and in his book on ethnics he attacks morality for trampling on men. Therefore the modern man in revolt has become practically useless for all purposes of revolt. By rebelling against everything he has lost his right to rebel against anything.
~ excerpt from Ravi Zacharias' Deliver Us from Evil

The problem today is many want to live by their own ideas. The ability to challenge everything gives one no responsiblity, not having to answer to anyone about anything. The idea of relativity gives one so much control (or at least the feeling that they are), that no one can challenge their position, because they have the right to ask back, and poke holes at any structure that may 'endanger' them.

sometimes

sometimes a little peace is all you need, when you are in a crowd, lost and hopeless
but when that some time comes, and you are alone, you wished you were not, and hoped for company of friends.
sometimes, it's too noisy, you can't concentrate, you feel annoyed
then comes the time, when it's so quiet, even with the tv and music on simultaneously, nothing beats human noise and human company.
sometimes when faced with a loved one, you fail to say you loved them or tell them how much you enjoy their company because you were worried about what they'd think
it's funny then when that person is no more, because then you'd cry your eyes out, wishing you had only spend more time and said the things you wanted to say.
sometimes we are so engorged in our own righteousness and pride, so high up, htat we fail to see, that we step on ants and flowers, and we, in our own blindness are creating a path of destruction.
sometimes it's right in front of us, feign blindness, refusing no acknowledge because we believe in ourselves more than the person who's trying to guide us.
sometimes, there is no time, yet we think we will always be able to buy ourselves time.
we forget. the clock is ticking. clockwise, never the other way.
when will we come to see and listen? maybe sometime soon. hopefully sometime soon.

...

i'm tired
i need rest
i give up
just for the next few days
i really need to carry a lighter yolk

rest
rest
rest

i'm tired...

days when u just do not want to talk

I find the internet, sometimes a very weird place. Words are miscontrued, and because one may not be able to read the other's body language, lots of misunderstanding can happen.

A simple smiley :) can mean, happy, can mean cheeky, can mean I'm just smiling because I refuse to respond, it can mean I'm just daydreaming and smiling blankly, or I'm angry but I don't want you to know and the internet is making it all the easier.

:)

I hate it when people are mislead by things I say. Honestly, I say things mostly the way they are. I wasn't always like this, but more and more held on to this principle after I met a 'no bulls***-pull-out-all-guns-and-shooot-away' kind of friend. I then tried to hold true to being very straightforward with as many things when I want to convey.

ENOUGH I say, of being worried about what one has to think about me. (Yes, that tends to still happen eventhough I don't show it). Enough of doing something only to please others, or hoping for other ppl to fulfil your expectations.

UGH. Why do I even bother sometimes?

Oh, in btwn, I meant to warn you that this is a RANT.
Not.

:)

what we want

Currently reading Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie. Also reading Deliver Us From Evil by Ravi Zacharias. Yes. I know. Bad. I prob might have to read the latter again, seeing that it needs much more concentration than Tuesdays.

Tuesdays basically talks about appreciating life better, taking each day and making it your best. I kindd of get how my sister says that the book is 'preachy'. I would almost agree, except that its values are of the world and not of God. It has multiple short chapters, each on a different subject. So far I've read, discussion about the world today, pity for oneself, death, family, emotions, fear of againg and money. Each is put into the perspective of basically, a dying man. How not everything is an important is it used to be, simply because, one comes to realization, that man can never leave earth with his property. He carries nothing but his soul. I agree on that, but Morrie's thoughts end only with life. That there is no more to life, than enjoying it, and fulfilling it, as if it were a moral obligation. Maybe the ending is not what I think it is, but right now? It really appears that Morrie is merely saying, there is a good reason for doing good, which is there is no reason at all to do something bad. It's no use being fearful of death, because the preoccupation of it will rob you of your time left. We don't need a ton of property, cars, gadgets because at the end of the day, having it all, but not love or companionship, it means nothing. But giving, giving others will be fulfilling. Or so preaches a lot of religions with giving can satisfy the soul.

Is a new phone, a new car, a new gadget really all that important? I know this premise has been explored before multiple times. Honestly, I never used to comprehend, any of it. It's like a moral value that made sense, but didn't seem quite practical. Often, I found myself saying, that may be for some people, but I just simply need these things. Of course, there's not denying too, some of you that are reading this post, may be scratching your head and wondering, what's this kid whining about?

My conclusion is this, if we live life just so that it turns out good, or so that we do things to satisfy our soul, we will never be truly satisfied. I don't think. Some may beg to differ, and will chase that particular something till their demise. Fine.

All I want to say is this, there is nothing that satisfies like Jesus. There's is not one single thing that completes me like God and there will never be anything that will fill me completely, like the Holy Spirit. (Yes, again with this msg!).

relativity part 2

It's really easy to not live with absolute truths, simply because one may be able to justify his/her means with the situation.

I lied because if I didn't, things might have gotten worse.
I cheated in the test only because if I failed, I would lose my scholarship, and my family cannot afford that.

Perhaps these aren't the best of ideas, BUT, I hope you understand what I'm trying to put through.

Now the idea of relaative truth is so dangerous, simply because there can be no end to questions, and no end to possibilities. Simply put, as we cannot limit ourselves (and some might say, why would we limit ourselves?), we can go anywhere, and do as we please.
The most popular question I get from someone who refuses to believe that God is real, that he idea of 'God' is relative to only what we know now. As in all other things, as we move along and we discover more things, we will discover through science or whichever study, that throughly there is more than just a simple explaination that we are created than a higher being.
Honesly, sometimes, I don't know how to answer that. I remember even giving examples, like there are certain things that we know is the absolute truth, things like the world is round (or oval, whichever), or that in 1 minute there is 60 seconds. Of course, the arguement then comes, well, once upon a time, people thought the world to be flat, and thought that was absolute truth, so how exactly would we know that the world is oval (eventhough we've seen it from outer space?).

Now, that is a very dangerous statement. Why? Simply because if one chooses to even challenge the things before their very eyes, and can even have the audacity of saying it is relative, then nothing can be the truth. Then, I believe, there is no point in living, if everything is a lie, and everything is just a trick of the eye. Why would anyone want to live such conceited lives of deceit? Lying to others is one thing, but to deny oneself of the truth by claiming that everything else is relative, is just plain nonsensical.

Soon, one might as well question if their parents were truly their parents.
Relavtivity, in my opinion, is selfish, as one only choose want they want to know, or what they want to hear. It's for people who want to feel good about themselves, or make themselves feel good. AND, it's the only thing that's stopping them from doing what is right.

Next post: pluralization.

the day of love and being loved.

It was my birthday just not too long ago. Yes, I've turned 24. However, this blog is not about my birthday.

It's more about God's love for me. Well, not specifically just me, but for everyone.

I don't think many of us really appreciate the fact that He does love us. People often think, "Yeah, I know God loves me", but honestly, do we really know? Do we really think about what happened at the cross about 2 centuries ago? Or do we say we know, but not feel?
To know that Christ carried all our sins and all our burdens via dolorosa, took each thing that made us feel unwanted, not needed, and made it into hope. He suffered so we did not. He hung on that tree, so that we will never ever have to face the Judge and account for our sins. And in each moment, breathless, He intercessed for everyone of us, with the knowledge of that some of us may even reject Him, or ignore Him.

How can I not be of any love if God has so much for me? Can I ever say that I cannot love others because NO ONE loves me?

1 John 4:19 We loved because He first loved.

I have to keep that in mind. It's so hard though.

Have to love others.
Have to love others.
Have to love others.

relativity part 1

Relativity is such an interesting topic to talk about. Having discussed it over with a few people recently, and reading a book that talks about the corruption of today's morals, I can see more and more how relativity can be so dangerous.

It has been compared to the frog that has been placed in cold water put to boil slowly. It won't know it's too hot for itself until it's too late.

In modern day society, we want rules to govern certain things, to keep our property safe, to make sure we are not total barbarians. But soon enough we turn on this rules. Changes are made to suit today, because after all, certain things are not as 'wrong' or as 'scary' as once perceived.

It's okay to do a certain something ONLY because it is not as bad as this other thing.
The famous few lines are always: I'm not killing anyone, no one is getting hurt, I'm not stealing or robbing someone, hence it can't be bad right?

Because everything is made relative to another, it's acceptable. It's okay. No one should rot in hell for something as small as cheating the company's money. After all, the company is making millions, what's wrong if one were to take only 100k? (I wanted to use more drastic examples but decided against it)

There is more about relativity that I want to talk about. The next blog? Will be on: there is not absolute truth.

to be satisfied

All this while, I thought that, this feeling of missing something could be filled with a relationship, a new gadget, friends, new clothes, perhaps a new CD. I never knew where to look, and after every relationship, every new thing that I could get my hands on. I never really quenched the thirst. Never really was satisfied with things. It was always something else that I needed, something new that I did not have.

A few posts ago I wrote about the water of eternal life. As I think about it again, I really come to realise that truely, there is nothing else that can quench that thirst like Jesus does. The feeling of lacking, of being empty, of wanting more, can only be satisfied by Jesus. God and only GOD ALONE can make me whole.

The funny thing is, I felt that God really spoke to me after I started having this infatuation over a Korean actress. (Bah humbug, koren show has got me falling in love with korean girls!)
I don't know if it was the actress herself (beauty) or the character in the show that made me fall so hard, but I sure was in some sort of dreamy state for a while. I then realized, that I can covert, and hope that I get into some sort of relationship with a girl like that, but then I realized, what happens after I get into a relationship like that? It's like trying to get into a relationship without my lower limbs and hoping that my partner will be my limbs, (Does that make sense at all?) and after a while, discover that the limbs are not mine, and I am still incomplete, that I need something else.

Although I'm still in want, I making it a point that each time I feel that way, I ask God for help.
I truly know now, that nothing can complete me but God. (It's like Jerry Maguire telling God, YOU complete me).

Ah.

God, I need You today, tmrw and forever. Please give me the strength, grace and help me love others like You love me.
Lord, I am desperate for You.

#$*%*&%#&%... who tagged me? :p

6 weird things about me, then tag 6 other people to do the same.

6 weird things about me? Boy, is that going to be hard. I'm as normal as can be. Haha.

Hmm.....

1. I'm an old soul.
I sometimes think that as a 23 (soon to be 24) year old, I think too much. Sometimes, I dislike hanging with people too young, who I sometimes feel, lack substance. I know. This statement comes across to be a bit snobbish. Honestly though, I have this tendency to hang out with an older crowd (no pun intended). I enjoy talking to people who have formed opinions and are able to hold conversations and discuss a topic well. I get quite irked by people (although I must give them the credit for trying), who either don't have very much to talk about, or answer with one worded answers.
Perhaps this isn't that odd. (I really am quite normal).

2. I am shy.
Yes people. It's true. I am shy. People don't believe this, but it is TRUE. Of course it takes less courage to be gathered before I go talk to someone than when compared to my younger self. However, I find much difficulty still in meeting new people. And all this time, people thought I was being snobbish for acting so cool. Truthfully, I am mostly just too afrad to approach anyone I do not know. Thankfully that's changed. What's worse for me is if I see some girl who's got some special look that REALLY catches my eyes. Boy oh boy. I bet I actually turn red, and to initiate any conversation with the girl, would first involve removing all the stones in my mouth. I'd probably also freeze and will be unable to say anything intelligent. People really DO think I'm being very 'cool' about things. If one were to take my vitals, heart rate would be about 120, and my blood pressure would shoot up to about 180/100. Or at least I think it would.

3. I wonder what it would be like if...
I was more artsy. I always thought how nice it would be if I could draw or paint well. If I could write good poetry. If I had great writing skills and could fascinate people with my blog or with illustrious stories. Perhaps, the ability to take beautiful and expressive photos. At least, if all above are not achieved, I wished I could sing or play instruments really well. I never really had the chance to express this side of me, not because I did not have the time, but I merely never gave this side a chance to develop. I can write, only as good as this blog gets, or perhaps a formal letter if needed (probably not good enough to get me a job even), take pics like any other amatuer in this field, poems that are not even worthy of kindergartens because there can't beat the classic nursery rhymes. If stick men were great drawings, I would have to say, I am the best artist there is. :p AND for CRYING OUT LOUD, I croak instead of singing. I do ever wonder, how some of you people do not burst out laughing when I sing on sundays. Tee hee hee.

4. I'm short
I know. I'm not that short. I sound like some spoilt brat who can't get what he wants, but seriously, I'm only 5' 10". I wish I was 6 feet tall. It's something I always hoped I'd be. Now I'll never be able to date supermodels. Most of them are at least 5' 10". There goes my dream of having a supermodel as a girlfriend. Haha.

5. I have a list of nicknames
From the days of ICQ, IRC and now MSN, I have used multiple names. Neurotic, burnout, -, mentalcase, jackoverthehill, thegingerbreadman.
It's only as not too too recently, that I've used my own name on MSN. I guess I'm all grown up?

6. I have a twin sister
I leave for you to judge. A lot of people said if I were to grow long hair, I would be indistinguishable from my sister. I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. Perhaps, that is why I try so very hard to keep facial hair. The more the better. Haha.
This post was previously longer, but since it got erased, I'm just too lazy to rewrite everything.





That is all that I havea to write. It was tough. I am a very normal person actually.
I tag Esther, Heng Jeng, Aiky(if u still blog), Mandy, Sin Ling and Mona.

Phew.

expensive taste

The D810(top) C800(bottom)
Lately, I find myself, unable to control desires in wanting certain items. The latest craze being: DOPOD phones. Argh.

Why oh why are these phones created when I can't afford it? To make me salivate and thirst for something I cannot quite get? It's always the case. I find that more and more I am unable to quench this desire, this thirst that seems to.. to be everlasting.

I am however reminded of the passage in the bible. (How rare is that these days!)

John 4:
7When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" 8(His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

9The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.^[a])

10Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."

11"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"

13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

15The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."

16He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back."

17"I have no husband," she replied.

Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. 18The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."

19"Sir," the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. 20Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem."

21Jesus declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

25The woman said, "I know that Messiah" (called Christ) "is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us."

26Then Jesus declared, "I who speak to you am he."

I HONESTLY need to quench my thirst. The right way.

keeping one’s word

Sometimes, it’s really hard to swallow your pride and admit defeat. Especially in a heated argument, no one wants to back down, to be seen as the weaker side. So insults are hurled, and nasty words are exchanged for another unproductive, heated discussion.

What I really dislike, even in myself is, the way sometimes we all portray our know-it-all, but when it comes to our own, we cannot hold on to our ‘supposedly’ principles. We get so irritated with peoples attitudes and characters, sometimes we forget to look in the mirror. Who keeps us in check? If we shut our ears to what the world has to say, and we remove all looking glasses in our home, how, oh how are we to see what we’ve become?

Ah. The irritation from an unsettled dispute is like the multiple mosquito bites on the body. Each scratch only providing temporary relief, after a while, it gets worse, and no peace is found from constant scratching, but perhaps the skin gets so thin, it bleeds. The lose lose situation.

boredom provoked thoughts

Sitting in my parents room (because that's where the internet is). Thinking of what to write. Stacey Kent crooning in the background while I type away.

Just 2 weeks here in Malaysia, and I already want to leave. I cannot help buy find fault in every thing I see. Sad this is, because it really seems like I'm an ungrateful citizen of a country that has provided a place for me to stay and grow up. It nearly sounds as if I'm a greedy person, and will always look some where else because the grass REALLY does seem greener on the other side.

Anyhow, I have been given a great opportunity to meet up with old acquintances, good friends and ex classmates. Times have truly changed, and relationships have truly been altered. Honestly, it's hard not to expect a good friend to sway away after my absence of 1.5 years, but one would expect the friend to hold on to a certain amount of friendship. Humph. I guess this is partially why I'm not so excited at all when I knew I was coming back. In my know-it-all, belief of being clairvoyant, I forsaw that it would be really akward meeting with people who after a while didn't really bother keeping in touch. Ah. It truly has become so.
Everyone busy with their own lives, only with enough time to meet up and talk superficially. Nothing too deep because there's not much in common anymore.

The pieces of jigsaw puzzle may fit together, but when held up, it will break, and the completeness is there no more. Only family that is important and the ones that can really be counted on. Even then sometimes, arguements get the better of us. Sigh. Doom gloom.
Happy chinese new year guys/gals. Hope it's a good one for everyone else.

women in my life

The many women in my life. I think they greatly colored my life. Of course everything enriches a life, but I think, these women gave me lots to ponder and grow up with.

This girl, now a lady, was the first girl I had set eyes on was a happy go lucky girl. She was sweet but she had the attitude of being happy (although a lot of times not content). It was good because it was simple. I learnt from this, that sometimes it's good to be a little easy going.

The next girl, was a girl not of many words. This experience wasn't the best. Knowing her was good, but seeing how easily she was influenced by her friends and ppl around her, it was not.
I learnt that in many things I should make my own decisions.

Then came this other girl. Hmm. Where do I begin? The romance that was not a romance. It was a weird relationship. I never knew someone who wanted to be with you but not want to be seen with you. So dates alone were never possible. It was always a group outing.
From this, I learnt never to go out with a needy girl and to cave in to a girl too much.

Came along a very special girl. She was smart and she was adorable. My parents loved her lots even. This girl, I had thought that it was for real, and it was going to be really serious. I really broke her heart when I decided to end it. I know. I was a real asshole then. I made lots of justifications for the breakup. I know my dad wasn't particularly happy. Here, I learnt that I was really really REALLY selfish.

A short one liner for the girl I had a short fling over Christmas one year. She taught me how to have fun and to relax a little.

Next two ladies, were very key in my life. If anyone person I've met at all, she is the most patient person I've ever met. Whether it was with me or it was other ppl, she was extremely patient. Extremely kind. Always putting other before herself. Selfless. She definitely loved God more than I did.
The other girl, was the girl I would call as the checklist girl. She was (yes, was) perfect in every sense, BUT she had a temper.

There was of course also the woman in my life, who despite her frustrations with me (not to mention that she had taken out some on me sometimes), she did all she could in my best interest. She pushed me a step further when I did not want to. For this I am extremely grateful.

Who can forget the one who taught me to stand up for myself and my rights. She taught me to appreciate the finer things in life and to judge things more thoroughly.


Well, for those of you who didn't already know, it is valentine's day today. Hence the 'SAPPY' post. What will I be without memories to think, learn and suffer from? Haha.

Happy valentine's day peeps!

older

2007. Much has changed over the years. I had travelled to Seremban yesterday to meet some ex classmates and also celebrate a friend's birthday.

The first comment that I got in as I stepped into my friend's place was, " Eh, you haven't changed one bit. You've not grown fatter, and you still look young."

....... Had no idea how I was supposed to reply to that statement. A thank you perhaps? I was uncertain.

So, I just smiled, and casually replied, "Everyone looks the same also." Except for one or two ppl who seem to have lost weight under sheer pressure of clinical school in Malaysia. Yikes. I think they are more stressed out than I was in third year.

Anyhow, that wasn't the point of my blog. The point is, is that with age, everyone changes. Just not on the outside. Comes to show how much the saying "Don't judge a book by its cover" is true.
My character, my values, my belief system has totally changed in the past 1.5 years. Of course, a short 5 minute conversation, or a night's dinner is not going to reveal that to anyone. I realized that, I'm more and more cynical, and some times, more bitter with conditions. I still do complain, but I find myself to have tendencies to remember things that don't need remembering. I also find that a lot of my values, are based on my own experience, and what I want to do in the future. It has changed a lot from what is used to be. Hmm...

It's funny also to see how everyone's priority has changed. Since most of them are going to start working in about 6months (or thereabouts), quite a few start thinking about the future. Of course, the inevitable talk about who's with who comes about (I'm partly to blame for bringing it up), and, since we are all going to be working as docs, the next step is, what do we want to specialize in. Medical students are so predictable. :p

Ah. So weird is this journey of life and getting older.

home is where the heart is

I've been home for almost a week now. Man. Things are so different around here. They say home is where the heart is. Why then is it that I miss North America?

Anyhow, it is great to be home. Great to meet up with old friends. However, everything's changed. People have changed. Some are married. Some are still single but their outlook on life have changed. Some are happier with things, some more carefree, some just as ignorant as ever.
More buildings in KL though. More condos, more apartment buildlings, more congested roads.
I hate to say this, but I miss the slower life in Halifax. (Boy, I'm getting old and sentimental)

The bad part about coming home? I lost my wallet. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I lost my wallet. Gone are my ID cards from both Malaysia and Canada, my driving license, my credit cards, my ATM card, my MSI card (which I forgot to report). I'm not going to go into details. Let's just say, I was careless, and there were people here that took to opportunity to earn CAN 200.

I thought I was broke before, but now I'm even more broke (broker some might say. hahahaha).

Darn. Instant noodles and bread for the rest of my days here. Kidding.

The other thing I miss is not having to feel so STICKY and to have such difficulty breathing in the humidity. I guess I'll get used to it, but for now? I'll just whine.

Hope everyone else is doing well. Will see you peeps in March.

neutral

He was stuck in that position. Again. Uncertain if the next step would make him look like he was with one party or the other. He had to be neutral. After all, there can be any absolute truth in either party. Everything was and IS relative, but after a while, it was so hard to keep track of his neutrality.

No, I cannot say yes, because it would lean towards their party, but at the same time, a 'no' would be more in line with the other party, he thought out as he was walking towards his car.

Confused.

Were everything he had done, just simply an excuse to avoid making real decisions? All the theory about relative truth, and all the talk about we are no where near the real truth. Had he being lying to himself? After all, if that's what he really believed in, the things he practice in his office as a doctor, were merely trials of attaining real truth.

The floodgate of thoughts can no longer hold the rushing torrent of questions. It started to feel like his life was a waste. How could he have held on so long to principles that were so against living? Were humans really there to search eternally for truth? Or was he merely too arrogant to accept his true purpose on earth? Did he feel all this while that he was going to be the liberator of people, that he could be the one who would reveal the REAL truth?

Arrogant. Snob. Idiot. Hypocrite.

He now realized, there is no such thing staying neutral. On the fence.
He had been living his life on the basis that he could do anything without having to be responsible for his actions. After all, everything was relative was it not, or at least if it weren't, he could still try to make a comparison.

Fool.

What a waste of his life all this while.