when you stopped searching and started believing

I had this question asked once before, when did you stop searching and started believing (in Christ)?

For me, I never really searched. I didn't have the opportunity to do a life long search and then find out that the truth being preached is indeed the truth, and I had wasted all this years not believing it, but fighting against it. I was lucky enough to believe when I was young, when I felt that it was the most logical, and that nothing I knew, could beat my saviors love for me.

He died on the cross. Simple enough.

Guess not for some ppl. Cause they want to debate, about the exclusiveness, and about the existence of God, etc.

Well, guess what? The question about having to stop searching and start believing?
My question for the rest of you out there who haven't started to believe yet, but still 'searching', is:

When will u REALLY start searching for God, instead of evidence AGAINST God?
I mean, c'mon, you say you are searching for the truth. Are you ? Or are you searching for the your own truth? I always hear that a christians view is bias. Well, join the club. Your search and views can be quite bias too when you search for 'truth' to debunk God. Start widening ur horizons a little more, and you'll find that you will find more evidence for rather than against. When I mean research, I mean, pick up the bible. Read it. With an open mind. I confess. It must be difficult to do so, having a mind that only thinks: there is no God, there is no God.
But seriously. Try it. ask around about stuff that you don't understand. Not stuff to DEBUNK the bible. Stuff that YOU truly want to understand.

I dare you. :)

(This post has no relation whatsoever to current events. Just something I was thinking about since I had that big debate over a forum about God)

the haunting past

I shouldn't be so open about my feelings towards a certain someone, or relating that certain past, but I can't feel a bit nostalgic about a certain something.

My reason being? This whole week, every single night I've been dreaming almost a recurrent theme. Her. Sorry, no names here. To protect that particular person, and of course myself. :)

The current thought that goes through my mind, was on one particular valentine's day not too long ago, when I actually drove up to this hotel to see her, while she was with her family, just to wish her happy valentine's. Mind you, I wasn't going out with her yet, nor were we in a relationship. Well. Actually we never were. However, that particular time, she was adamant that she'll never ever be in a relationship with me. (I must really have that playboy look or something, plus BAD past history with girls).

Well, things did change after that, we did get closer, almost to the point of going into a relationship, but I was getting tired and distant as we got closer. One was mostly, well, I admit it. I can be quite the 'arse' sometimes. Anyhow, there was this whole issue with her and her best friend (who was a guy) which I didn't quite like, and all the things I kind of did to make her equally jealous. Towards the end of that almost 2 year of what I would like to call a 'courtship', we went our seperate ways. Unfortunately. I came to Canada. She didn't. And, things just started to slowly be apart.

We still talk. She still emails. But, I chose not to be in a relationship anymore for the time being, while she wanted to be in a long distant relationship. Totally NO faith in those kind of things. Once again, me being the 'arse', had distant myself. Now? Where are we? I have no idea. Do I regret my actions? Heck yeah. Enough to have recurrent dreams all about it this week. Well, it's all about growing up eh ? Looks like I still have tonnes to do.

*No more should have beens, just what I can do for now*

the one about being at wits end about what's next

I guess I'm at that phase of life, where I'm almost at the end of 'childhood' and about to embark on the journey of 'adulthood'. Don't get me wrong, I don't see myself as a child, or still a teen. HECK no. I'm not THAT much in denial. Once I finish this year (that would be around Sept), I'm pretty much exam free, and it won't be long (in May, before I'm out of the university).

I cannot help but feel helpless sometimes at the thought of it, like a fish left in a rainwater in a pothole on the road. Once the sun comes out, I'm going to be left high and dry. Okay. Maybe not that dramatic, but the thought of having to start working, earning my own money, saving up for things like a car or a place, sacres the bejezzuz out of me. Of course, the more worrisome part is, can I see patients by myself? Until now, in the clinic, I still find myself trying to make a 10 for 10 correct diagnosis on patients, and sadly, I think i'm only at a 6 or a 7 at most. Still lacking.

If I could imagine Yoda saying anything at all, it would be this:
"Lacking still,my young padawan, you are."
(Say it like you're constipated, and add in some grunts in btwn)

Haha.

Some days, what would I not give to go back to my teen years, when all you worry is about is : acne, popularity, what rubbish your friends are talking behind your back, how to get that chick and what nots.. oh yeah, and occasionally studies too.
I'm kidding. I'd rather not.

For all those of you who are not yet quite in 'adulthood' either, come join me in celebration of fear, by trying not to wet ourselves, whimpering in ithe dark cold, remnant corner of 'childhood'.

Whimper more...

freedom

FREEDOM! For the white ppl? For the black? For the country that was under imperial ruling for the past 150 years?
Or the kind that allows you to do anything without thinking of the consequences.
Maybe the kind, where you feel you've achieved after coming out of a long exam successful?
As free as the bird in the sky. Without care, without boundaries.

Is that true freedom my friends? The one worth your shout, your joy?

Freedom to do anything,
Not caring, not thinking,
But don't we know?
That this
is the kind of freedom,
that would limit you?

Often we think about the here and now. Not thinking what may happen. Come what may. Bring it on. Etc.
Sure. That's fun. Be the hippy that smokes weed and think nothing, but of their freedom under the tree.
Unforunately, this kind of freedom, is the kind that has bad consequences.

Sure. Sleep around before you are married. Surely, ONE experience is not enough. You won't know who is right for you until you try. And it is my freedom to do what I want. YOU christians have too many rules. Too many things to follow. Why is YOUR God so strict? Chill. I need my freedom. You christians are so uptight.

Like the buzzer that sounds when your given answer is wrong - YOU are most certainly wrong if you think that way.

Arrogant thought you say? I beg to differ. Think about it. Sleeping around has caused many ppl to have children the unplanned way. And the ends to that mean? A shotgun marriage. (I'm not saying that marriage is an imprisonment, but marrying someone you're not quite sure you want to spend the rest of your life is.)
I know what some might be thinking - don't get married then, and not take responsiblity. But that is a topic in itself that will be discussed another time.

What about drugs? Getting hooked on it and never being able to rid yourself of the addiction. Or pornography. Having a computer turn you on, or the tv. BAD.

Is that really freedom? Freedom to do something which will land you in a position that has no more freedom?

God has given us freedom with responsiblities and to be used with discipline. Why ? It's not that He wants to impose rules to keep us on a leash, its because He knows what will happen if we do certain things.
The funny thing is, sometimes we dont' want to do the things He has asked, but when something happens, we ask where is God or why did He do this to us?

Funny. But sad.

when you're bored and you have nothing to blog about...

Wow. That title in itself probably took up most of my blog ideas. Sad.
Just jk. But I will however be posting some pics up of my shaving escapade. Woo hoo. It shall be titled: My journey- the road hair-less. (Okay, I admit. It was lame. It's supposed to be the road travelled less. This is for all those who weren't quite sharp)

The one thing that I DID want to share in this blog, is my many encounters with the many people from all walks of life. All not knowing where my homeland. Some pretend that they know, and they are shocking embarassed by bold stupid statements. Some are honest and I explain to them where it is (South of Thailand, north of Singapore). Some are just curious.

"Oh, yeah, Malaysia. That's near Somalia right?"

"Oh! Where abouts in Malaysia are you from?"
"From Melaka. Do you know the geography of Malaysia?"
"No. I only know Kuala Lumpur."

"OOOOhhhhh. Malaysia. Where is it ?"

"So, where are you from?"
"Malaysia."
"Oh I see. So, what's the main economy of Indonesia?"
"MALAYSIA produces mainly oil and rubber. We have other industries too, but MALAYSIA'S mainly supported by the export of its oil."
"That's interesting. I've never been to Indonesia before. Wonder what it's like."

Aiyaiyaiyai. If there are more responses like this, I'll just jump of a building.
Okay. Maybe not so dramatic. But it's sad to know, that your country is known less than its neighbours Thailand and Singapore, while all this while, Malaysians make fun of Thailand as a place where husbands (unfaithful ones that is), get their freak on (or whatever you would like to call it). A visit to the bookstore (Chapters), I saw many books on Thailand (5 different ones), and only one about Malaysia, which was shared with Singapore. AND, Singapore had half, or more than half the pages of the book about it. Singapore, the tiny island has more interesting things than Malaysia, the 13 state and 1 federal territory country. Probably 50 times bigger than Singapore.

I guess all the efforts to 'Visit Malaysia' has not reached this side of the world yet. Most unfortunate.

a million miles away

A million miles away,
You never came to stay,
And the skies are ashen grey,
Since the start of May.

I told myself, no more tears,
It's time to overcome my fears,

It's time to grow up,
And no longer stay in the dark,

No more tears to cry,
I no longer need to lie,

It's time to move on,
For the feeling is long gone.

Wanting you here,
Wishing hard that you were,

Just around once again.

I know I'm no saint,

Tainted are my excuses,

Silly are my reasons,

Could anyone bear the treatment I give?

It's time for me to leave,
Leave the web I weaved,

I've none more to say,
It's time I made my way,

To a million miles away.


No more could have beens, no more what ifs, no more buts. No more akwards silences, no more teary eyes, no more cries for each other to stay. No more wishing, no more feeling of being jaded or numb. Never to be torned between things.

Just a million miles away in between. Distance. Dust. And silence. At last.

human behavior at its best

Yes. If you deciphered that title. Good on you. I'm whining. Again.
This time, it's the irresponsible act of someone taking something without,
1) asking for permisson
2) returning it due date

Please, I beg of all you ppl who are out there reading this particular post right now. Please do not repeat this stupidty that causes inconviences to other ppl. It really irks ppl. Not a good way to make an impression.


ON A HAPPIER NOTE: I'm finally back home in Halifax. For those of you who have not been reading my previosu blog and start going, are you coming back to Malaysia? Read: BACK IN HALIFAX. (I was in Moncton earlier on...)
Own bed. Own guitar. See all my friends. Good times.

coming round the mountains when he comes...

I'm coming home. This, obviously isn't the best use of my time. But out of excitement, I felt that I had to announce to the world, tmrw, I go home to Halifax.

Halifax, Halifax,
Greater it is than Sussex,
Home tomorrow,
No more sorrow,
On my own bed I'll be.

Halifax, the small city,
For myself I had much pity,
But outside is worse,
Being away is a curse,
Tomorrow, home I'll be.

Never dreamed that ever,
That Halifax would be better,
And home I'll soon be,
So happy, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee................

Poem by someone who's not quite sane at the moment.

when you no longer are yourself

No. This is not one of my emotional blogs. I'm not talking about personalities today. I'm talking about the mind.

A visit to some homes for the elderly and those with special needs raised an impt question in my mind today, which would you rather get? Dementia or cancer?
To lose one's mind and not no it, is scary. But at the same time, to have something eat you alive isn't the most exciting thing either. So, which would I rather? I rather not lose my mind and lose myself.

I was a little grieved, looking at pictures in the patients room. The life they use to have. If anything at all, my mind is what I am. I mean, every part of me is important. To lose functions of my body but have only my mind left, is also bad, but to totally lose your personality. If at all, any of your relatives try to converse with you, your loved ones, your response will only be a grunt or a 'eh' or something that's least intelligable. To not even know that you are in a childlike state.

Don't get me wrong, I do not pity these ppl. It's not that I'm evil. I just look at it at a different way. I respect them really. Because, I know I'm a coward. And if I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my years just sitting in a home, with my mind wandering and day after day, I can only sit and stare at the TV or at the wall, I would end my life first.

So, for all those folks out there who are dealing with dementia, my respects to you. May God bless you and shine on your face.

the clock ticks

Tick...tick...tick.

Ah. Final week in Moncton, and it's already Tuesday. For those of you who already know my plight, you'd understand my simple joy of going back to Halifax. Yes. The Halifax that I once thought to be dreadful as well.

It is bad when most of the day you are hanging out with people twice your age (no offence to my doc, he IS fitter than I am), but it would be nice to have my peers around. Or my guitar. My bed. My own internet connection. My PS2. You get the drift. I've been down this alley before. I won't be watching TV anymore. No more temptation. (As you can see, it's one of those love hate relationships, love to watch TV, but hate how it's eating up my time).

Just yesterday I was thinking about personal history and how I myself was still 'highschool-ish' when I was in university. I remember how I'd trust a certain someone when he told me what he had heard. It was unfortunate enough that I trusted him, but it was worse when I acted out because of it. That was me. Naive. And trusted ppl easily. I guess in a way it is good. I'm so insistent this days to see it for myself. It's bad a person, but good as a doctor.

Man. Where's the fine balance in that ?

Why am I talking about this ? It's just something I've been observing these days. Whether it's talking to ppl or reading posts in a forum. We all dont' act logically, no matter what we think. We all say, yeah, I've thought it through. But have we really. Take me in the case of above. I didn't think the information through. I just followed my heart and instincts that if a good friend told you this, it must be true.
Humans are not logical beings. Sorry, I stand corrected. Humans are not efficiently logical beings. A lot of times, our decisions are compromised by our feelings. Disagree? Try calming down first, and then reread my post. Then sit down again, when your absolutely feeling free, and contemplate. :)

I'm sure you'll agree then.

the buzz

Every year, I go through this akward phase of reflection. I notice, this is also when I start to get lazy. I find it so weird and at the same time so hard, to chose being doing good and doing bad. Ah. A year has passed since I've been here overseas. No real change in my life. Well. As far as running away, I know and it has been proven time and time again, it never works, and this time around, I learn the exact same moral. It's not going to change. Wherever you go, there are weird people. It's just how you tackle it.

If life was a charging bull, do you grab it by the horns or do you let it hit you over and over again? Right now, sometimes, I feel I'm being rammed by over and over again. No. The answer to your question, IF be it that something bad's happening to me right now. Nothing is happening. And that's the exact problem isn't it? Nothing isn't good. Nothingness as the silent night, where not even crickets make their musical sounds. The kind of quiet, when not even a whisper, not even a pin drop is heard. Ahhh, the drama unfolds, as the 'prince' sits and contemplate.

I know, this blog may sound a little too emotional, or even selfish, and at many times not make sense at all.

Ah. The drama unfolds. :)

Few days ago, the doctor was telling my questions that he had asked in an interview for entry to med school. The question was: "What would you do differently if you had a choice to make a change in your life?"

What would I do differently? Sometimes, I do wonder, what happens if I took on the bad a$$ attitude instead of this? Like, being retardedly sarcastic and cycnical towards everything and everyone. Crap. If someone had said something nasty to me, I really do wish to ram it down their own throats sometimes, instead of going, sorry you felt that way. I find it hard to play the collective calm and cool character anymore.

So, this year, like a reality show on tv, which path should someone choose?

Dramatic isn't it ? Haha. I already know the answer. Just convincing myself that it is more beneficial to stay on this one than the other. Aiks, don't worry, I'm not switching sides. Just contemplating.

Need to talk to God......

injustice

Well, if anything at all, I didn't want to turn this site into a b****ing site, but who am I kidding? My title says it all.

The one thing which I was extremely not pleased about was, someone calling me irresponsible after I've apologized for my mistake. Sure, I gave one too many excuses, but to say I'm irresponsible and not accept my apology, and also my promise to make it up to that person, this totally makes the blood rise right up to my neck.
And dude, even if you want to fault me, don't make up lies. I know how well you lie, and it IRKS me. UGH!

Tsk tsk. Sometimes, it feels horrible to do the right thing. To have to back off and not say anything. To be the polite one and say "Yes sir" when that person is directly pouring crap all over you. Sorry dude, if you read this. But this time, I'm not holding it in anymore. I cannot tolerate it when ppl try to step all over me. I am NOT a floor mat, nor am I a carpet. If you are having a power trip, go trip on something else. Go scold your wall, your toilet bowl, your dishes, whatever that floats your boat. DO NOT pour it on me. Okay? Doesn't mean that because I've been nice, I won't beat the living day lights out of you.

Sorry to all those that may be shocked by this post. I just couldn't tolerate it anymore. Please, I'm asking you nicely, don't try to step on me like I'm dirt. I'm human too. Unless, this is how you treat all humans.

hey mambo

Hey Mambo! No more-a moozzarella. Hey Mambo! Hey Mambo Italiano...

Right. As you can see, I'm in better spirits today. I'm counting down the days that I get back to my room. To my guitar. My bed. My radio. My books. My table. My food. My non stick pan. My own utensils. My bathroom. My roomies. My shoes. My..

and the list goes on....

It's not that I don't like it here. I'm sure I will. If only I had a car.
Anyway, the topic that I wanted to blog about today was, about strange behaviors of a teenager. After the long weekend, and bineg bored out of my wits, I watched (what I believe to be) 4 hours back to back of Laguna Beach. For all who don't know what it is, it's a filming of real life teenagers and their love affairs and cat fights... and what nots that you can expect from a teenager. It's funny. It was like, boy A likes girl A but girl A likes boy B. Girl B likes boy A, but boy A only treats girl B as his best friend. When girl A breaks up with boy A, boy A runs to girl B for comfort. Ends up sleeping with her for a rebound. Then, boy A tries to get back with girl A, and girl A gives him false hopes when she actually like boy B now. Girl B however, is totally clueless about things, and thinking she and boy A has it going on. Phew. And that's only one sub group of the show. There was another love triangle going on somewhere else.
Is that really how teenage life is ? I remember myself kinda ... er herm... being in smoe of those situations before. (Won't say which one). My question is why? Why do we put ourselves through situations like those when we don't have to? ANd the way they talk, strut and behave was as if to prove something to someone. I guess, teen years are all about that. It's the formative years right? So what happens and how one acts is what becomes of them eventually. I laugh everytime I see someone make that kinda of mistake. But I guess, at some point, I went through the same mistakes.

Darn. How come I never had so many girls go after me. Haha.
...

...

...

Right. I shall run away in shyness with a paper bag on my head. Toodles.

I'm going nutz...

This is the point of no return. My brain... is melting. I'm not studying. I'm watching tv. I have failed to contain myself from the square box. TV so stimulating. Brain, needs more. It appears as though I'm catching up on all the lost TV time. I MUST STOP. I WILL STOP.

....sombody... pls.. help... me.... I MUST WILL MYSELF TO STUDY...

DOes that sound like I'm going over the edge yet? Today, I went to the mall myself, walked into shops myself. Watched Da Vinci, by myself, and bought smoe CDs coz I was just bored. As if I'm not in debt enough.

If anyone at all, has a cure to all this madness, please, I beg you to share this information with me ASAP. Before I become a tv junkie, and am not able to get anything done.

....the tv is not sending me msgs.... the tv is not sending me msgs.......

this is out of boredom. purely....

Today, I got to do some plastics instead of family medicine. How nice is that. Got to see, breast reduction, carpal tunnel release + synovial cyst removal, dupuytren's contracture correction, and a basal cell carcinoma removal. AND, I got to put in my 2nd chest tube. :) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA.
Satisfaction. This has so far been an interesting family medicine rotation. I LOVE IT. I would love the town much more if I had a car. Anyone willing to lend me their car for the next 3 weeks ? PLs pls... PWETTY PLEASE with strawberries and whip cream on top... ?

this is out of boredom. purely....

Today, I got to do some plastics instead of family medicine. How nice is that. Got to see, breast reduction, carpal tunnel release + synovial cyst removal, dupuytren's contracture correction, and a basal cell carcinoma removal. AND, I got to put in my 2nd chest tube. :) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA.
Satisfaction. This has so far been an interesting family medicine rotation. I LOVE IT. I would love the town much more if I had a car. Anyone willing to lend me their car for the next 3 weeks ? PLs pls... PWETTY PLEASE with strawberries and whip cream on top... ?

moncton

Pa le eh francais ?

Alright. So I DON'T KNOW french. I want to learn it, and master it, but that'll have to wait. Moncton. Beautiful place. Esp now, when summer's approaching. If the sun is up, it's really beautiful to walk around.
Right now, I'm leaving in this house, which has 7 rooms. But there's only me and this other resident around. He's a PGY1 in gen surg back in Dal. Phew. Luckily I'm not all by myself. Although, house to myself isn't too bad. There's cable. BAD. I've watched i think 4 hours in total in just 2 days. Today, I resolute not to watch anymore, but decided to come online instead to blog and chat with ppl online. Unfortunately, the 2 ppl that I was chatting with, one put up a DND sign and has prob gone to study, the other was in bed. Woke up to answer my msg and then went back to bed. So here I am.

My 2nd day working at my preceptors. 2 of them actually. They were very gracious to pick me up from the hospital and send me back everyday. Am learning lots in the clinic. Tmrw I get to go to the OR. Haha. I'm so happy. Not that I'm a great surgeon or anything, but I feel so much more interested while I'm at the OR.

Okay. That is all boring. I want to desribe Moncton a little more, but I can't. Due to the limited travelling I've done in the past 3 days. It was walking about 500m of Mountain Road, travelling back and fourth from hospital to clinic, and travelling to Sobey's by bus to buy groceries. Fantastico. Hopefully, this Friday, since my preceptors are not around, I'll get to go to the mall. And watch X3. Yes. SUch is life. Someone, pls send me some entertainment.

what a beautiful day

Ah the bright sun. Shining strong and prevalent. It should be a great day should it not ? Topped off with supper with friends at the table. New recipes that succeed. A restful weekend.

Yet, I feel incomplete. Yet I feel empty. I feel like I have not achieved anything this week. Why does my mind work this way I don't know. Depression ? Perhaps, but my lost of interest is only in studies, and not in everything else. Perhaps it's the gloomy future I see ahead? The uncertainty and what not. Don't know when this is lifted.

Ahh... what a rollercoaster. The music I listen to reflects greatly of my mood. I'm listening to Seal right now. It's quite slow and depressing. I think I'm going to go listen to Matt Mays instead. Hopefully that'll boost me up a little. To work. No motivation at all. Somebody, burn me with a red hot poker pls. I need some prodding....

the emotion rollercoaster

Just two words will describe my title. Short stay unit. Okay. I lied. But I'm sure in me doing so, I have caused you, from being serene, happy and calm to cursing, angry, antsy and soon enough, you'll be vowing to write me a long letter about the perils of lying and that I should be telling the truth.

Well. Maybe not. I guess I'm just over exaggerating. Or am I? Haha.

After meeting with patiens that have traits from Cluster B Personality Disorder, my oh my... it was a rollercoaster in itself for me who was just listening and observing. I kid you not. Let me list them out for the benefit of those who don't know psychiatry or psychology.

borderline=the indecisive one.
"Should I go home? But what if I try to commit suicide again? Do you think it'll be safer if I stay here? I think I'll be safer. But then again, I want to go home. But i'm just so afraid I'll have this this thoughts and I'll harm myself. I think I should stay." The patient is on the border. Not knowing to which way. Good or bad? Cry or laugh. Indecisive esp when coming to dealing with crisis.

histrionic=the drama queen.centrefold... oops I mean centre of attention. ;)
"It was ALL her fault. I was innocent. I was so helpful, I trusted her and gave her everything. Now she hurt me and tore my heart apart. I'll never be whole again. NEVERRRRRRRR..... "

narcistic=the high and mighty. You are dirt and should be thankful that he/she is treading on you. Only once the best.
"Well, I was here to see Dr X. I only see the best. If I talked to you, it would be a waste of my time. I'm a busy man you know. Can't afford to waste this time like this. Time is money. But since you've asked so nicely, I shall indulge in your little questions. What DO they teach medical students this days... tsk tsk"

antisocial=basically the kid that was the rascal that never quite grew up. Laws and rules mean nothing to him.
"Well *@*&% you for holding me prisoner here. I don't care about your rules. I come and go as I see fit. Why did I break the chair? Because I didn't it. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. BUZZ OFF!"

Of course, just to CYA, this aren't real conversations from patients. This are made up in my attempt to describe the patients.

Honestly? By the end of the day, I feel so drained from having to deal with so many types of ppl. Interesting indeed. But drains me somehow. 1.5 weeks to end of psych. Hope I don't go cuckoo by then. Oops. Said the 'C' word. :p

sick

I'm sick today. Caught off my roomie I think. She on the other hand must have caught it from the kids hospital. Darn patients! :) So there I was yesterday stuck doing call, while I wasn't feeling too hot, and I couldn't leave. What's worse was trying to go to bed, when my whole body felt funny, like discomfort, yet not really in pain. An ache I guess or in med terms, myalgia. I turned and tossed and tossed and turned. Woke up this morning with still more pains and aches. Thankfully the doc said, to go home and not to infect everyone else on the ward. Haha.

Well, my thoughts when I left the hospital (nearly skipping), I was thinking about the sick role. I was definately sick no doubt, but was I keying my sick role up so that everyone would take pity on me. Like "Poor you! You need rest, sleep and lots of water". Of course, my intentions were also to get home, and get rest, cause I felt that I couldn't carry on throughout the day in that condition. Leaky nose, achey muscles, and a slight cough. My question is, was I overplaying my sick role to get a chance to go home? When things like this happen, I feel extremely guilty for trying to 'skip' a days work.

Console me anyone ? :D