one without the other, is nothing

You know, I've just learn to appreciate thing a little more. All the cold weather, the freezing while walking from one place to another, I've learn to appreciate it, because today, when the weather was -1, it felt great. My point is, you cannot appreciate current conditions if you have never experienced worse. A lot of ppl can't say, thank God I'm whole and have all four limbs until they see someone who doesn't have one of their limbs, or even worse, when they themselves lose one limb.

Speaking to an old patient the other day about being young again and having no responsibilities, and she was saying while it would be nice to be young again. she doesn't really want to live that life again. To think about it, it's true. To make all those embarassing mistakes all over again ? Haha. The puppy love in highschool and what nots?

You know how all of us go through those cringing moments, when we make those silly mistakes and we feel like we'll never get through it? 5 years ago I wouldn't be able to tolerate much, and even right now I believe I can only tolerate so much. But I'm thankful that I've been through all the pains and groans eash time I had a problem. 23 this year. I've grown I believe. As much as I don't feel it, when I think about it, I know, I've grown.

I can only say: Thank God! He has been my rock!

So essentially, joy without first experiencing sorrow is nothing, because, it's just another noun until you can make the comparison and be joyous (an adjective??!?!?)

i'm old too!!!

You scored as Gandalf. You are Gandalf! This wise, old mage is loyal and brave. He is known for his counsel and advice to his friends and allies during tough times. "All you have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to you." Gandalf 81% Faramir 69% Eowyn 63% Samwise 63% Frodo 63% Aragorn 56% Gollum 38% Arwen 38% Pippin 31% Which LOTR character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

X men quiz

You scored as Wolverine. Wolverine is a loner, and a skilled fighter. He's got the hots for Jean Grey but a better fit for him would be Storm. He doesn't like to follow orders which pisses Cyclops off. He has terrible memories from the experimentation done on him at Weapon X. Even though he doesn't show it, he loves the X-Men. Powers: Fast healing and adamantium skeleton and claws.

Wolverine		90%
Jean Grey		80%
Rogue		70%
Iceman		70%
Cyclops		70%
Storm		65%
Colossus		65%
Beast		60%
Gambit		55%
Emma Frost		45%
Nightcrawler		45%

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

annoyed

Lately, I've been getting real annoyed with certain ppl around me. It's worse when you're nice to them and they are the exact opposite. I know, to love my enemies and to pray for them. Well, this ppl aren't enemies. More like a thorn in my side. Irritating and yet don't know how to deal with it. Sometimes, ppl get the better of me, and I end up trying to do the same thing they did to me. I guess, patience is really a life long lesson. I have lots more to learn.
For those who know me way from before, they'll know what kind of mean statements I'm capable of. Now? I feel like a retarded dummy who can only smile in return when ppll decide to be sarcastic or critisize me.
The agony.

"Need to be more and more like You." the line that sings in my head.

hungry

Hungry. That's what I am. Not food. Not for love. Well. Not humanly love though. (It must be running through your minds, " Has Ian gone bizzarely nuts?")

Listening to the words of hungry (I'm falling on my knees) from vineyard made me really feel hungry for God. For God's love and for His purpose. I must admit. More and more this past few weeks, I hardly spent anytime at all, to pursue God's work. Not even to sit down and chat with Him, like how old friends would do over coffee. Sadly, I've been busying myself with my own thoughts, and at the end of the day, I blame my busy-ness of having to study and waking up early for surgery each morning.

Hungry Lord, I come to you
for I know u satisfy
I am empty but I know you're love
does not run dry

so I wait for you
so I wait for you
I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus you're all this heart is living for

broken I run to you
for your arms are open wide
i'm weary but your touch restores my life

so I wait for you
so I wait for you
I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus you're all this heart is living for...

Jesus, you're all I need. Everything in one.

depressing

Apparently, my blog is too depressing eventhough a few posts back, I did post some funny stuff. Guess the world likes to see smiles and ppl skipping around singing, "SKippy doo daa, skippy doo dey".

Haha.

Unfortunately, I'm not one who is like that. (Sorry Stephen! ;P )

Now. On to depressing stuff. Not.

This comes to show. I've got nothing to blog. I just wrote this to make a point. See. This post isn't sad. It's just cynical. Sarcastic. Whatever.

Oh no. Impending doom. Sky is going to fall on me. The sun, tis not bright enuf.

"Oh bright, bright sun, where for art thou? Deny thy clouds that are hiding thee, and come shine light to me!"

Right, please excuse the writer. Apparently, the chronic lack of sleep has made him bonkers. Boink!

Have a good one guys.

God is awesome

Yesterday, I was feeilng so lousy. One of those days, where I was just battling myself.
Yes. Sin. Flesh. Temptation.

It's so easy to give in, when you're down. You feel like all is lost. And all is gone. U don't want to fight anymore. Just let every one do their own thing. You? Your own.
I'm sure, I'm not the only one who feels that way. Most of us, when we fall? Esp spiritually, we find it so hard to pick ourselves again.

But why? Why do we choose to listen to what the enemy has to say?

"You're so far from grace, one more sin won't matter."

"God doesn't want you, He doesn't want to know you, or be even near you."

"You've diluted the blood of the lamb. Nothing's going to save you now."

"Do it. Everyone else is. What difference can you make? Nothing!"

"Do you really believe you are any different from anyone else?"

"God, does not care not love you."

All these lies. All this deception. It's all to just to make you trip and fall.
But... do you know what? God doesn't count how many mistakes you make. It's the finishing line. The end goal that's impt. Life is really like a long marathon, with heaven being the ultimate finish. We keep running. Some of us fall many times, delay our time to reach the finishing line, but that's OKAY! God's patiently waiting for us at the end, to embrace us in His arms. Isn't that what we all want?

So each day, I tell myself, listen not to what the devil has to say, or what your flesh wants. Everyday is a battle. All those of you out there. Please continue praying for me. The battle which I do not wish to put all my energy in, but just be obedient and do what is right in God's eyes. THere are more impt to things to handle, don't you agree?

tribute

Ah. I'm not studying yet, but I guess i just want to put up this short post to that one person. Special tribute. That person has kind of left me. Not totally. But I guess as ppl grow apart, so do relationships, be it friendships or that special someone. How things change in over just a year. Can I complaint of what I proabably brought upon myself ?

I look back, and I see the path that I have chosen over the last year. Were the steps I took correct?

I guess, I'm just missing my friends back home and all over the world. But today, I esp miss that special one person. Hope all is well and that things get better for that person, who once very impt in my life.

Ahh. Memories. They are, but a past.

addiction

You know you are addicted to blogging when:
1. You can't wait to go back to turn on your comp just to write a blog or look at someone else's blog.
2. You think of a topic all day long to write on your blog... " Shall I write about this exp?" or "Oh oh... I should put this on my blog"
3. Even when you've already read the blog like 15 mins ago, you quickly turn to that page (even when you're supposed to be doing something else)
4. You constantly check the comments on your blog. "Come on, come on, let there be 5 msgs(when there's already 4)"
5. You advertise your blog for everyone to know.
6. When you start asking around, to see if any other of your friends have a blog.
7. You get restless if you don't check your blog or others in one day.
8. You get withdrawal symptoms from it, like fever, restlessness, chills at night, low concentration, frustrated feeling.

Right. That... was a absolute waste of my time. Why do I spend time entertaining ppl online? Haha.

chronically sleepless

I, Ian Chik, solemnly declare, that I, each day, will look more and more like the pandas (no offence to all animal lovers!), as I'm and chronically, and increasingly, lacking sleep. How many times can you do the head nodding dance, before the doctor notices you are actually sleepy? It's embarassing, to sit in front of the doctor who's giving the talk, and u nodding off and sleeping sitting straight up! Yeap. That's me. If I were to break any records at all , it would be for sleeping in any position. Sitting straight up without leaning on anything? Would be my latest record. Wow. The amount of time, money I would save if i could do this continously. Imagine travelling to foreign countries and not having to pay to stay in the hotel. Just go hide in some quiet and secluded corner of the hotel and dose of while sitting up. Awesome.

Right. As you can see, sleep deprivation also makes you speak of funny things. This are probably the look out signs and symptoms of the tired medical student. Yeap. The red flag for this, is when you sleep while 'reigning on you throne' in bathroom land. That's when you know, the coffee's no longer working, and it's time you go to bed.

ZZZzzzZZZ......

snow...

Everyone who hasn't seen snow says, "Wow, it's snowing? That sounds so fun!"

Na-ah. Not if the snow is up to 50 cms!!! It's worse when you are trying to tread through the snow with the wind blowing HARD at you. If anyone saw me, it would be like looking at the abominal snowman trying to get back to his cave. You see, it was 10am, and I was postcall. I was desperate to go home. A whole night of not sleeping. One consult after another. You would think, when there's a snow storm, no one would show up in emerge.
That, I guess, is only partially correct. While the waiting room was empty, there were still some patients that needed to come in. No special prizes in guessing this, but guess why they were in for ? All for surgical purposes. Small bowel obstruction, sigmoid volvulus, choledochocystitis. It was interesting at that time. Not so interesting when you are trying to stay awake at 9 in the morning during service rounds. I was doing the drunken head tilt dance.

Anyhow, most ppl I believe are snowed in. Schools, universities, were closed. Heck, most ppl were dying from not getting their daily coffe from Tim Horton's because the staff didn't come to work. Some which would include me, cause I needed coffee badly this morning but couldn't get it. The saddests reality about med school, esp in your senior years here: you have to go to the hospital, come what may, even if kingdom come. Haha. That's the truth. So, tmrw morning ? It's treading in snow that can't be cleared. 50 cm's? I think I'll wear my swimming trunks and go for a swim. Brrrrr......

The 2nd part of the performance

It's not really smooth, but here's the performance for CNY night in church.



cheers.

CNY

Ah.. the end of Jan is coming. CNY is coming. And where am I? In the land that doesn't know chinese new year even exist. Let alone, knowing that lion dance is something that we (chinese) still do.
No sound of fireworks this year, no beating of drums, no visiting friend's houses, no good chinese reunion dinner, no NOTHING. Sad eh ?

Well, the consolation for all this is, today, we had a celebration in church, a pre-CNY celebration, in which we had performances throughout the night. The C&C group (college and career group), were asked to preform, and without using much of my frontal lobes, I just said 'yes'. Good idea or not, I can't say for sure.
Anyhow, to make the grandmother story short, we only managed to practice for 2 nights, because of schedule constraint. We played and sang two songs. First song was 'TO then ends of the earth' and the second was 'dui mian the ni hai kan guo lai' by Ah Niu. We were nervous at first, but managed it quite well, except for the last part of the 2nd song, but it was still good because on the band members played the harmonica. Ppl were going wild. Haha.

I'm tired. Here's a pre-pic (before we started). Will post more later. Meanwhile, Happy Chinese New Year.

random thoughts

Hey peeps. It's been a while since I've updated this, or since I've sent out emails. I think I need to readjust my schedule.

Anyhow, I was asked to lead one of the groups during fellowship the other day, on living through the Spirit. Yes. The Spirit, the Holy Spirit, HS in short for convenience of typing. It is sad indeed, that many of us do not have an intimate relationship with the HS. I myself, believe that I can go on to a higher level in my relationship with Him.

Not to speak bad about what people think, or how they go about things, BUT, I really felt sad, that the only explaination that ppl had that God, had so many rules and that we had to try so hard to obey it was because, it was for our own good. Yes. That is not wrong. However, have we not heard so many non-christians come to us and say, "I like your God, but, it just seems like there are too many things to follow. Too rigid. Too confined by rules." By just answering, it's for your own good, won't simply cut it would it? And that living by the Spirit, is living by God's rules. The end. Finished. Like watching a movie that didn't quite end as well, I thirst for a better answer. Or, at least I used to when I didn't quite know or understand the Holy Spirit.

Living by the Spirit. Following rules. Two of which means the same? Yes, and no. God sent the HS to empower us to do things beyond our imagination. You see, God does want us to obey Him for our own good, but many times we fail in flesh, because we are weak. How many times have I tried to stop being judgemental but can't. How many times have I promised myself, that I won't slander about that person, but I did? I can't remember how many times, but the last time was just today. Sadly, I am fighting a losing battle sometimes. Should it be ALWAYS like this?

I answer with a big resounding NO. N-O.

The Holy Spirit, intercedes for you, gives you joy, gives your strength, gives you power to overcome those which you thought you could never. Of course, with great power, comes great responsiblity. A christian would have to first repent of their mistakes, and then ask God for help. I believe, that is when the Holy Spirit fills you and empowers you for change.

John 14:26
26But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.

Zechariah 4:6
So he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.

Not by your might. Not by my might. But by the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

revelation

Restless days, restless nights. Can't study, but sleep all the time. I was wondering what was wrong with me. Why can't I function normally? Sitting in the bus today (gee, I seem to be getting all this while getting to a destination), I realised, my inablity to worship God as much as I used to, is really making me, topsy turvy.

Just like everything on earth, we are built for purpose. One is worship and glorify God, and the second one I believe, is carrying out His work, His purposes for us. If we fail lto do both, we feel, inadequate. We feel, something's not quite right. That's how I felt. Squirmy. Unworthy. When we fail to respond to God's calling, something inside of us dies.

I believe that I'm here in Canada for a reason, I'm here to do something for God, not myself. Be a doctor? Maybe. Gain exp? Maybe. Be God's influence? Most certainly. God promises abundance of wealth, but in this context, it's not getting riches, big mansions, and most stylish cars. I believe, this wealth is greater than any of those. The knowledge that you are fulfilling your purpose, and that you aren't a bum. Haha. It makes sense doesn't it? God pruning those branches that are not productive? It's when you fulfill the purposes of God, the ones He meant for you, you finally feel your worth.

Praise be to God, let every part of my body, every bone, every tissue, every cell, be for the purpose of God, and let them all rejoice always in the Lord!!!!!

here's an amusing one

While I was just munching on chocolates, I was also recalling all the times some girls told me, that they didn't like chocolate.
It's really odd that any girl would say that (yes, I know.. I'm overgeneralizing), BUT for a girl to not like chocolate, is like saying how a guy doesn't like sports or technology. Like saying, the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. Like saying that bees hate honey and ants favorite food is bitter gourd, that cockroaches are clean and are only found in clean apts. That Man U, Chelsea or Arsenal are really great teams. :p

Get what I mean?

I know. I have too much free time on my hands rite? Ian not wasting time would be equivalent to all described above.

Right.

Happy new year then... :D

New ol' me

Year after year. All the resolutions to do better. Which year would I actually look back and be glad for once?

Happy new year everyone. Break for hols, meant break from blogging. When else would I laze around to write a blog? Only when I'm not supposed to. Human nature takes its course once again.

So many things went through my mind as of late. Worse is when you can't express how you feel, or when there's no one to talk to. Irritating little thing isn't it ? This is, humans at their best. Complaining and whining. Sad, but true.

What am I talking about? I have no idea. I guess this is how everyone would feel when they have to start working or going back to school again. Just plain lousy. I started in the emerge department today, and like such a noob, I was half clueless with what to do (I say only half because it isn't so bad this time). Need to read up and know my stuff I guess. No easy way out. THe funniest is talking to old people, who have LOADS to tell you. Adults just seem to want to tell you everything. Unlike kids, who either aren't bothered with who you are or they just play around you and try to attract your attention. I told my mum in my email to her, that perhaps I should be a radiologist. Almost zero people contact. Just dealing with physicians. Which, could be really nice. Peaceful and quiet. Kidding.

2006. So what does this year bring fourth ? I hope to pass all my exams. At the rate I'm worrying, my head will be shinier than the shiniest shoes. And soon I would have to get wax to keep it that way. (Don't get it? Forget it then... :p )

Hope all of you out there are having a good first few days of the new year. Me? I don't quite know yet.

deliberation

How many things that you have done today is out of deliberation? As in you planned to do it and knew what the outcome was, that you were certain this was what you wanted to do in the first place.

I ask myself, how many times have I done something out of deliberation for God. I know, some of you must be thinking: "What another topic about God?".
Well, the thing is, for all those who are christians, the reason as to why I'm thinking this, is because it's christmas. No, it's not because Christ was born. I mean not just that, but this is the time everyone's rushing around to buy gifts correct? So anxious to complete their shopping list, that they've forgot why christmas is celebrated anyway.

So, how many times have you given unto the Lord or done something in deliberation for Him? I'm not talking about giving one tenth of your money to the church, and neither am I talking about devoting your life to God's word. I'm merely saying, when was the last time, when God said: "Child, don't do this" , you obeyed and did exactly as you were told.
I won't point fingers. I myself am guilty of this. Many and many times over, I have disobeyed. I can't even give a full pledged obedience to God. Sometimes, I do so many things, I feel I have diluted the power of the cross with my sins. I feel so awful, yet no where to turn and no where to hide.

I need God's saving grace.

Last night, I knelt by my bedside, and cried out to God for help. I knew I could not carry on like this. I needed His saving grace. His mercy, His endless love. I bowed my head in shame and uttered words so soft only God could hear.

I need you, Lord. Please forgive me and help me change. I don't want to stop running for You. Give me strength, courage and wisdom. But most imptly, let me be in Your presence, always.

christmas

Ahh... all the christmas shopping. So many hours spent in the shopping centre and yet, I've not completed buying the presents and what not. More money down the drain... haha.

Anyway, that's not the original intent for the content in this blog. I watched narnia today, and for all those of you who don't know, it's a parallel to the christian world. Yes, after alice in wonderland, C.S Lewis became christian, and his writings were very in tuned with the christian world.

The lion, the witch and the wardrobe. (warning: spoiler ahead!!!)

How else can I elaborate this better? I'm not sure myself. From the moment the kids stepped into narnia, I started to associate everything with us (christians).
Aselan (is that the correct spelling?) is basically God, the witch is the devil and the kids are like humans (doh!)

Narnia is basically like the world, and I guess the winter in narnia was basically like all the troubles that we go through in this world. Really appeared to be like the end times. People of narnia was not just suffering from the cold, but were afraid of the witch. Some would do things just to save their own hind, not thinking about the consequences of their actions.

When the boy (Edmund) was tempted to betray his own family for Turkish Delight, I really felt that we all do that sometimes. We give up what's right for things that we find so pleasurable. Even when we know it'll make things worse.
Then came the eldest, when asked to help out, he gave all sorts of excuses; ' oh I'm only a boy' or 'I only want to save my brother'.Doesn't that sound like us when asked to help out in church or reach out to other ppl?

In short, I felt it is a really powerful story. The bit when Aselan sacrificed himself for Edmund (because Edmund had betrayed them and the witch had claimed his life- like the devil who claims all sinners into his dominion), it was really like Christ dying for us. Potrayed very well. Of course, no one would have known this, unless it was explained.

My last msg: all u christians out there, bring your non-christian friend to this movie, and explain to them the scenes after the movie. Good outreach. :)

family

When things are not quite the way you want it to be, it's always good to have someone, or ppl that will cheer u on.
It's not quite the same when everyone's 92749503474939 miles away from you. All nicely snugged at home, when you're in a blistering cold country, with your ears feeling like it's going to fall down when you walk to the hospital.

RIght.

I just wanted to post two pics here. Tribute to the ppl who meant most to me back home (after family of course)... and of my best bud. Her birthday was not too long ago. She's turned 23. Erppp..... still not too old. If you're reading this, PLEASE make sure there isn't any wedding bells b4 I get home. Marriage can wait, best friends can't. Oh wait. That doesn't sound rite. Hmmmm...

Anyhow, I want to get emotional here and thank you for your friendship. I think your are the only one who saw me crying public the most. Thanks for the shoulder. I appreciate all the times u were really there when I was really down in the dumps and had no one to talk to. Of all ppl, and of good friends, I think you are the one who understands me the best. I wonder if I'm so emotional now because I have an exam on Sat, and this feels like impending doom. Haha. Anyhow. I'd also like to shout out to all those in the pic. Some whom I've lost contact with.... like Raymond... jeez.. it's kinda sad that all of us went out ways, but may our friendship never part, cause your friendship is not just another of my relationships with a friend. You peeps are like family to me. Jon, Aiky, Lena, Esther, Wen Hao, Jeng (who's not in the pic... hmmm), Ray ray, Jonny boy, Bern... don't forget me ya :)


Ally and me, unable to decide who's the better friend... haha

We are family... ?!?!?! :)