#$*%*&%#&%... who tagged me? :p

6 weird things about me, then tag 6 other people to do the same.

6 weird things about me? Boy, is that going to be hard. I'm as normal as can be. Haha.

Hmm.....

1. I'm an old soul.
I sometimes think that as a 23 (soon to be 24) year old, I think too much. Sometimes, I dislike hanging with people too young, who I sometimes feel, lack substance. I know. This statement comes across to be a bit snobbish. Honestly though, I have this tendency to hang out with an older crowd (no pun intended). I enjoy talking to people who have formed opinions and are able to hold conversations and discuss a topic well. I get quite irked by people (although I must give them the credit for trying), who either don't have very much to talk about, or answer with one worded answers.
Perhaps this isn't that odd. (I really am quite normal).

2. I am shy.
Yes people. It's true. I am shy. People don't believe this, but it is TRUE. Of course it takes less courage to be gathered before I go talk to someone than when compared to my younger self. However, I find much difficulty still in meeting new people. And all this time, people thought I was being snobbish for acting so cool. Truthfully, I am mostly just too afrad to approach anyone I do not know. Thankfully that's changed. What's worse for me is if I see some girl who's got some special look that REALLY catches my eyes. Boy oh boy. I bet I actually turn red, and to initiate any conversation with the girl, would first involve removing all the stones in my mouth. I'd probably also freeze and will be unable to say anything intelligent. People really DO think I'm being very 'cool' about things. If one were to take my vitals, heart rate would be about 120, and my blood pressure would shoot up to about 180/100. Or at least I think it would.

3. I wonder what it would be like if...
I was more artsy. I always thought how nice it would be if I could draw or paint well. If I could write good poetry. If I had great writing skills and could fascinate people with my blog or with illustrious stories. Perhaps, the ability to take beautiful and expressive photos. At least, if all above are not achieved, I wished I could sing or play instruments really well. I never really had the chance to express this side of me, not because I did not have the time, but I merely never gave this side a chance to develop. I can write, only as good as this blog gets, or perhaps a formal letter if needed (probably not good enough to get me a job even), take pics like any other amatuer in this field, poems that are not even worthy of kindergartens because there can't beat the classic nursery rhymes. If stick men were great drawings, I would have to say, I am the best artist there is. :p AND for CRYING OUT LOUD, I croak instead of singing. I do ever wonder, how some of you people do not burst out laughing when I sing on sundays. Tee hee hee.

4. I'm short
I know. I'm not that short. I sound like some spoilt brat who can't get what he wants, but seriously, I'm only 5' 10". I wish I was 6 feet tall. It's something I always hoped I'd be. Now I'll never be able to date supermodels. Most of them are at least 5' 10". There goes my dream of having a supermodel as a girlfriend. Haha.

5. I have a list of nicknames
From the days of ICQ, IRC and now MSN, I have used multiple names. Neurotic, burnout, -, mentalcase, jackoverthehill, thegingerbreadman.
It's only as not too too recently, that I've used my own name on MSN. I guess I'm all grown up?

6. I have a twin sister
I leave for you to judge. A lot of people said if I were to grow long hair, I would be indistinguishable from my sister. I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. Perhaps, that is why I try so very hard to keep facial hair. The more the better. Haha.
This post was previously longer, but since it got erased, I'm just too lazy to rewrite everything.





That is all that I havea to write. It was tough. I am a very normal person actually.
I tag Esther, Heng Jeng, Aiky(if u still blog), Mandy, Sin Ling and Mona.

Phew.

expensive taste

The D810(top) C800(bottom)
Lately, I find myself, unable to control desires in wanting certain items. The latest craze being: DOPOD phones. Argh.

Why oh why are these phones created when I can't afford it? To make me salivate and thirst for something I cannot quite get? It's always the case. I find that more and more I am unable to quench this desire, this thirst that seems to.. to be everlasting.

I am however reminded of the passage in the bible. (How rare is that these days!)

John 4:
7When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" 8(His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

9The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.^[a])

10Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."

11"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?"

13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

15The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water so that I won't get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water."

16He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back."

17"I have no husband," she replied.

Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. 18The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."

19"Sir," the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. 20Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem."

21Jesus declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

25The woman said, "I know that Messiah" (called Christ) "is coming. When he comes, he will explain everything to us."

26Then Jesus declared, "I who speak to you am he."

I HONESTLY need to quench my thirst. The right way.

keeping one’s word

Sometimes, it’s really hard to swallow your pride and admit defeat. Especially in a heated argument, no one wants to back down, to be seen as the weaker side. So insults are hurled, and nasty words are exchanged for another unproductive, heated discussion.

What I really dislike, even in myself is, the way sometimes we all portray our know-it-all, but when it comes to our own, we cannot hold on to our ‘supposedly’ principles. We get so irritated with peoples attitudes and characters, sometimes we forget to look in the mirror. Who keeps us in check? If we shut our ears to what the world has to say, and we remove all looking glasses in our home, how, oh how are we to see what we’ve become?

Ah. The irritation from an unsettled dispute is like the multiple mosquito bites on the body. Each scratch only providing temporary relief, after a while, it gets worse, and no peace is found from constant scratching, but perhaps the skin gets so thin, it bleeds. The lose lose situation.

boredom provoked thoughts

Sitting in my parents room (because that's where the internet is). Thinking of what to write. Stacey Kent crooning in the background while I type away.

Just 2 weeks here in Malaysia, and I already want to leave. I cannot help buy find fault in every thing I see. Sad this is, because it really seems like I'm an ungrateful citizen of a country that has provided a place for me to stay and grow up. It nearly sounds as if I'm a greedy person, and will always look some where else because the grass REALLY does seem greener on the other side.

Anyhow, I have been given a great opportunity to meet up with old acquintances, good friends and ex classmates. Times have truly changed, and relationships have truly been altered. Honestly, it's hard not to expect a good friend to sway away after my absence of 1.5 years, but one would expect the friend to hold on to a certain amount of friendship. Humph. I guess this is partially why I'm not so excited at all when I knew I was coming back. In my know-it-all, belief of being clairvoyant, I forsaw that it would be really akward meeting with people who after a while didn't really bother keeping in touch. Ah. It truly has become so.
Everyone busy with their own lives, only with enough time to meet up and talk superficially. Nothing too deep because there's not much in common anymore.

The pieces of jigsaw puzzle may fit together, but when held up, it will break, and the completeness is there no more. Only family that is important and the ones that can really be counted on. Even then sometimes, arguements get the better of us. Sigh. Doom gloom.
Happy chinese new year guys/gals. Hope it's a good one for everyone else.

women in my life

The many women in my life. I think they greatly colored my life. Of course everything enriches a life, but I think, these women gave me lots to ponder and grow up with.

This girl, now a lady, was the first girl I had set eyes on was a happy go lucky girl. She was sweet but she had the attitude of being happy (although a lot of times not content). It was good because it was simple. I learnt from this, that sometimes it's good to be a little easy going.

The next girl, was a girl not of many words. This experience wasn't the best. Knowing her was good, but seeing how easily she was influenced by her friends and ppl around her, it was not.
I learnt that in many things I should make my own decisions.

Then came this other girl. Hmm. Where do I begin? The romance that was not a romance. It was a weird relationship. I never knew someone who wanted to be with you but not want to be seen with you. So dates alone were never possible. It was always a group outing.
From this, I learnt never to go out with a needy girl and to cave in to a girl too much.

Came along a very special girl. She was smart and she was adorable. My parents loved her lots even. This girl, I had thought that it was for real, and it was going to be really serious. I really broke her heart when I decided to end it. I know. I was a real asshole then. I made lots of justifications for the breakup. I know my dad wasn't particularly happy. Here, I learnt that I was really really REALLY selfish.

A short one liner for the girl I had a short fling over Christmas one year. She taught me how to have fun and to relax a little.

Next two ladies, were very key in my life. If anyone person I've met at all, she is the most patient person I've ever met. Whether it was with me or it was other ppl, she was extremely patient. Extremely kind. Always putting other before herself. Selfless. She definitely loved God more than I did.
The other girl, was the girl I would call as the checklist girl. She was (yes, was) perfect in every sense, BUT she had a temper.

There was of course also the woman in my life, who despite her frustrations with me (not to mention that she had taken out some on me sometimes), she did all she could in my best interest. She pushed me a step further when I did not want to. For this I am extremely grateful.

Who can forget the one who taught me to stand up for myself and my rights. She taught me to appreciate the finer things in life and to judge things more thoroughly.


Well, for those of you who didn't already know, it is valentine's day today. Hence the 'SAPPY' post. What will I be without memories to think, learn and suffer from? Haha.

Happy valentine's day peeps!

older

2007. Much has changed over the years. I had travelled to Seremban yesterday to meet some ex classmates and also celebrate a friend's birthday.

The first comment that I got in as I stepped into my friend's place was, " Eh, you haven't changed one bit. You've not grown fatter, and you still look young."

....... Had no idea how I was supposed to reply to that statement. A thank you perhaps? I was uncertain.

So, I just smiled, and casually replied, "Everyone looks the same also." Except for one or two ppl who seem to have lost weight under sheer pressure of clinical school in Malaysia. Yikes. I think they are more stressed out than I was in third year.

Anyhow, that wasn't the point of my blog. The point is, is that with age, everyone changes. Just not on the outside. Comes to show how much the saying "Don't judge a book by its cover" is true.
My character, my values, my belief system has totally changed in the past 1.5 years. Of course, a short 5 minute conversation, or a night's dinner is not going to reveal that to anyone. I realized that, I'm more and more cynical, and some times, more bitter with conditions. I still do complain, but I find myself to have tendencies to remember things that don't need remembering. I also find that a lot of my values, are based on my own experience, and what I want to do in the future. It has changed a lot from what is used to be. Hmm...

It's funny also to see how everyone's priority has changed. Since most of them are going to start working in about 6months (or thereabouts), quite a few start thinking about the future. Of course, the inevitable talk about who's with who comes about (I'm partly to blame for bringing it up), and, since we are all going to be working as docs, the next step is, what do we want to specialize in. Medical students are so predictable. :p

Ah. So weird is this journey of life and getting older.

home is where the heart is

I've been home for almost a week now. Man. Things are so different around here. They say home is where the heart is. Why then is it that I miss North America?

Anyhow, it is great to be home. Great to meet up with old friends. However, everything's changed. People have changed. Some are married. Some are still single but their outlook on life have changed. Some are happier with things, some more carefree, some just as ignorant as ever.
More buildings in KL though. More condos, more apartment buildlings, more congested roads.
I hate to say this, but I miss the slower life in Halifax. (Boy, I'm getting old and sentimental)

The bad part about coming home? I lost my wallet. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I lost my wallet. Gone are my ID cards from both Malaysia and Canada, my driving license, my credit cards, my ATM card, my MSI card (which I forgot to report). I'm not going to go into details. Let's just say, I was careless, and there were people here that took to opportunity to earn CAN 200.

I thought I was broke before, but now I'm even more broke (broker some might say. hahahaha).

Darn. Instant noodles and bread for the rest of my days here. Kidding.

The other thing I miss is not having to feel so STICKY and to have such difficulty breathing in the humidity. I guess I'll get used to it, but for now? I'll just whine.

Hope everyone else is doing well. Will see you peeps in March.

neutral

He was stuck in that position. Again. Uncertain if the next step would make him look like he was with one party or the other. He had to be neutral. After all, there can be any absolute truth in either party. Everything was and IS relative, but after a while, it was so hard to keep track of his neutrality.

No, I cannot say yes, because it would lean towards their party, but at the same time, a 'no' would be more in line with the other party, he thought out as he was walking towards his car.

Confused.

Were everything he had done, just simply an excuse to avoid making real decisions? All the theory about relative truth, and all the talk about we are no where near the real truth. Had he being lying to himself? After all, if that's what he really believed in, the things he practice in his office as a doctor, were merely trials of attaining real truth.

The floodgate of thoughts can no longer hold the rushing torrent of questions. It started to feel like his life was a waste. How could he have held on so long to principles that were so against living? Were humans really there to search eternally for truth? Or was he merely too arrogant to accept his true purpose on earth? Did he feel all this while that he was going to be the liberator of people, that he could be the one who would reveal the REAL truth?

Arrogant. Snob. Idiot. Hypocrite.

He now realized, there is no such thing staying neutral. On the fence.
He had been living his life on the basis that he could do anything without having to be responsible for his actions. After all, everything was relative was it not, or at least if it weren't, he could still try to make a comparison.

Fool.

What a waste of his life all this while.