moving?

I may be moving...

Still flirting with the idea.

Any suggestions? Ideas? :)

new york new york

Yes. Blogging from New York. It's my last day here. Well, penultimate day, to be more exact. Instead of traveling an hour to downtown Manhattan, I'm at my friend's place. Resting.

Finally, being able to gather some thoughts, and relax for just a bit, I feel for the first time in 7 days, I'm actually adjusting to this place, and having some sort of affection for it.

Let me explain myself a little. When I left Malaysia for Halifax, as much as I knew I was leaving friends and family behind, it didn't sting that much. I was all excited, wide eyed to live abroad. Do different things, experience 4 seasons, see SNOW! And as much as I missed Malaysia initially, I didn't show it. What was worse I guess, was when I felt, it wasn't so much as to me leaving Malaysia, but it was more of Malaysia leaving me. Yeap. Weird as it is, it was somewhat true, as I saw the number of emails dwindling in my inbox.

This time around, as I left home for just even a brief moment, I missed it already. I'm unable to pinpoint, what exactly leaves me so longing for home.

Is it the people? Friends? Convenience and familiarity? Church? Leaders? Surroundings and temperature? Or have I finally grown to love HOME the way it is, because simply there's no place like home.
Truthfully, I do not know.

Sitting and waiting, and thinking, sometimes, is just not my best asset. As I sit to ponder whether I would have to go through it all over again, I am uncertain if I do want to, or am I secretly hoping that I do, as it means I am coming here?

Who knows?

Lots of searching to do.

Dec

Ring ting a ling...

It's December.

Last month of the year, the one just before the new year.

Month of joy, month of celebrations.

Going to be a busy one. Hope everyone is doing well and excited for Christmas :)

God is good! :)

Was told to put this up, and finally have decided to:

Matthew 6:33 says But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,
and all these things will be given to you as well.

This is a verse long familiar to me, but not something i practiced.
The excuse was always the same: my studies were tough, it was not easy
to pass, and I had a lot of ground to cover. In short, I had a hundred
and one excuses, and never wanted to spend more than the allocated
time I had put aside for God's work.

This season, as I prepared for USMLE, an entrance exam to apply to the
United States, I was really convicted to do more for God's kingdom
first before anything else. I had about 2 months to prepare for my
Step 2 exam (part of the USMLE) and about another 1.5 months after
that to prepare for my Step 1 exam. It was very easy for me to delay
serving in campus ministry as 3.5 months wasn't a long way off right?
However, I was really convicted to be faithful even while I was busy
because, I knew that a lot of times procrastination would only kill
off a desire,

After my 2 month preparation and my gruelling 8 hour ++ exam, I was
finally done. I couldn't tell if I did okay or not, but I committed it
to God. A few weeks later, my results was in my inbox.

I passed! With a 90th percentile. It was a big deal for me, because I
was never an 'A' student, so to both pass and score sufficiently well,
I knew it could only come from God!

The one thing I really learned from this whole ordeal was that if I
honor God, He will honor me too! When I chose to spend time doing His
work, instead of saying "I need to study", He blessed me tremendously.
It was not an easy ordeal to cram almost 5 years of knowledge into 2
months of studying, and at the same time do His work. I truly believe
that if we give God our time and our efforts, and trust in Him, He
will never let us down, as all things are indeed possible with God!
When we seek His kingdom first and His righteousness, many things WILL
be added onto us.

i'm back

Hiatus for a while...

now I'm back.

No. Not with a vengeance.
Truly it has been refreshing, to just take time off to gather thoughts and what not. As I continue to observe many things, I have learned lots. Indeed, it pays sometimes to just keep quiet and slip to the back, and watch what's really going on.

No, it's not an emo post.

After leaders retreat, I've gained even more insight on things.

I'd like to end this brief post with just one question:

What makes us who we are?

hiatus

While everyone is starting new blogs, I'm going to go on a word/blog hiatus for now. Just need to gather thoughts.

ZZZzzzZZZzzz

and...

FREEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!




I believe was a certain phrase used by Sir William Wallace in the movie Braveheart.

I'm finally done with exams. Will update more soon. But thanks for the prayers and wishes. Meant a lot to me!

still alive and well...

For now at least. With everyone falling sick due to some common cold, (akin to flies dropping dead post-insecticide) I'm still standing. Hopefully until after my exam. I really must not get sick at this moment in time. With a week left in hand, I really need to play catch up with a lot of studies.

The clock is ticking once again. What will happen with this round of exams, I am uncertain. We'll see. I can only trust in Him who has set plans for me.

This is just a quick update about my life at the moment.

Just to let everyone know that I'm still alive and well, and to thank everyone who has been keeping me in prayer.

I thank Him...

For the longest time, I don't know what to put for a blog title. I could not think of a suitable title, without it sounding too cliched or overused, but in all honesty, as simple and as plain as it is, that is how I feel deep down inside.

As I continue my journey studying for my USMLE step 1 which is on Sept 20, I am in faith, that God knows what He is doing, even if I don't.

Anyhow, I would like to share WHY I am thankful to begin with. Today, as I checked my email accountS (yes more than ONE), I stumbled upon a result email that came in. Yes. Lo and behold, right before my very eyes, were the result for Step 2CK. Something that I have been dreading as I really could not gauge how well I did for this exam.

After clicking here and there, downloading the results, I said a little prayer and committed it to God, then I opened it.

bla bla bla...

Continue scanning.

Saw a pass.

Good.

Looked further down.

219.

Further.

90%.

That moment, the background music was Chris Tomlin's 'Your Grace Is Enough', and tears just starting flowing from my eyes. I repeated over and over again: Thank You God!

Why is it so significant? Well, for all those who don't know me that well, I am not an 'A' student, and I've always been just one to get by. To score 90 was beyond my wildest dreams. Some might say, it's not a 99%, but honestly, God is good. All the time.

I am constantly reminded by this verse as this happened to me today -

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Thank You God!

still alive

Just a little blog to just say I'm alive.

Problem is I have too much on my mind that I want to talk about, but I'm not sure where to start, so until I figure that one out, or get out of m y lazy chair, and put on my thinking cap, it isn't going to come anytime soon.
Anyhow, I still have not caught up on my sleep, and I still have quite a few things to do.

How was my independence weekend? It was good, as I was at DIVE IN 2007 camp. I was not a participant there, but as a facilitator, which all real divers would know that it's also known as a dive master. It was truly a good time, seeing how people were having fun in the games prepared and awesome that people received from the Holy Spirit.

Personally, I liked having meeting new people, although my time was really limited, but what's better, is that I look like a ghost right now, and if I keep it up, I won't need a costume for Halloween. That or I could just wrap myself in toilet paper and be a mummy. OR, I could crash in bed, and dress up as that boy who goes to bed and covers his head so that no ghosts can see him.

OR.....

the day i became...

...a bright eyed, fresh, positive junior, full of expectation, dreams, altruism, and not yet worn out by the troubles of medical school.

It was a little strange for me to be in the orientation all over again. I had a billion things to do, (like studying) but I had decided to join the orientation to get to know some juniors. (No, not looking for a girl, especially one that is like 6 years younger than I am!)

It's really different to be one of them. Their reaction towards me, was totally different as they treated me as one of their own. No, I'm not trying to return to my youth either, in case you were thinking that. I just found it amusing that status can change so much.

For example, the pre and post of discovery that I was in fact a senior, changed how they looked at me, greeted me, talked to me. One person, who in fact wasn't a junior at all, was totally afraid of speaking to me after that. Weird..... really.

All I can say, we are really colleagues. Please if you see me don't call me senior, or super super senior even if I am. Our goals are all the same. I'm not here to be of a higher position than any of you. Of course, don't take me for some person you could step on, because that won't bode well with me.

Here's a photo of the group:
Hope they enjoy orientation.

Funny

It's funny, how I've suddenly been turned into a bright-eyed, fresh meat in a medical campus. For crying out loud, the idea of me joining orientation is not just ridiculous, but just absolutely retarded.

Haha.

I know, it's not that funny. I'll update more tonight. I'm sure most of you will have that bewildered look on your faces.

If you do, please take a photo of yourself and send it in.

i hate....

I hate people who don't think, but just shoot their mouth. I hate how people try to take advantage of me when I'm nice. I hate how nasty people can be when I'm being polite. I hate smart comments for the sake of it, or for the sake of argument, just to show who's on top and who's boss. I hate people who don't get their facts right and assume.

I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate...
I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate...
I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate...
I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate...
I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate... I hate...I hate... I hate... I hate...

It's so easy to hate or dislike somethings. Just as I was unwinding after a long day (although not the end), God spoke to me very clearly. It was a reminder.

John 21:15-17
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said," you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."
The third time he said to him, " Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my sheep...

Do I really love His sheep? Am I doing what He would do? I'm trying my level best. It's really easy not to love people especially, when they bug you about things and you have a million other things to do. Or if something else takes priorities, ie: books. It's convenient to love someone when they are in fact, loveable, and when they don't disobey you.

How can I best paint this picture?

Do I say I love Jesus?

Then, am I feeding His sheep?

tired, but fulfilled

I must say. It has been a long 2-3 weeks. So many things that happen, but I must say, God's words has never rung so loud and so clear.

It has been tough. Tough to humble myself, swallow my own pride, to allow God to do the things He does. No more complaining out loud, no more whining to people how certain people react and how I don't like it.

Why?

Simply because I'm learning to edify people.

I knew it was never simple to raise, rally or reach people, but today, I realized it was more difficult than I thought. I am learning to appreciate my leaders on a higher level now.

Today, as I sang in worship to God, the song Here I Am (by 1 A.M.), I really surrendered all. I felt I managed to come to a place, where I was truly at peace in God's presence.

This bit especially:

You said in Your word, oh God
You have many plans for me
Plans of hope, plans of peace
I will soar above each and every storm
and live the dreams You have for me
I lay my life for You, I set my faith in You

So, I did. Whichever that I have not surrendered, I did. If I had not obeyed, I will.

I hold to this verse true: John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Time to claim the fullness that God has offered.

one more day

One more day. That day is finally here. My exams.

breath breath breath....

This past few weeks have been very confusing for me. There are times where I just didn't want to do anything anymore, and totally give up. Coming home yesterday in Kareem's car, we were chatting, and I told him, although I feel like I'm not totally prepared for this exam, it has been a fulfilling two weeks.

It's a different season for me, as I come to believe that God will bless me and put me in the right place. It's always easy to say, it will not happen and feel it's impossible, and HOPE that God will bless us if we come humbly enough (to the point we profess that we cannot make it through).

Through the whole day yesterday, as the enemy sent people in my midst to discourage me, I kept thinking of this verse:

John 20:29 Then Jesus told him," Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

I don't want to come and appear all full of faith only after I get my results and do sufficiently well. I don't want to cower in fear, and go on day by day, with hopes that my God will bless me.
I want to appear even before my exams, with full knowledge that my God is with me (who can be against me?). To believe before I see. That's what I need and want to do.

the countdown

Tick tock tick tock. The days quickly slip away from my grip, as I try to prepare myself for the upcoming USMLE step 2. The harder I hold on to my day, the faster it escapes through my fingers. I can see why they call it the sands of time. Each day, I have to come to endure and face the fact that my exam is just around the corner, and I'm nowhere near to being prepared.

Panic ensues, as if the sky were soon to fall on my head, as I feel like running helter skelter as the rabbit who thought the world was coming to an end.

5 more days 5 more days! Most people would be glad that their exams would soon be over, but I really wish for more days. More time to read and be totally confident before going in.

It's in times like this I cry out the Lord and ask, "Are you SERIOUS about wanting me to do this?"

Joshua 1: 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

My trust will be in God, who knows what He is doing. As opposed to me.

quick updates

Just some quick updates. It's not that I'm too busy, just that my brain is a little too fried up at the moment.

1. My nose hasn't stopped running (not that you really wanted to know htat) and my eyes get red every so often. Yippee! I'm allergic to Malaysia.
2. I've registered for a whole bunch of exams. First one is in Aug. Next one is prob in Sept. Have to work hard and do well. If not, I can kiss residency in the States good bye. Prayers please? :)
3. Getting back in pace, in church here, has been hard, but nonetheless, it's good to be back. I'm being careful about my time.
4. My days are now consistently made of books, meals, meeting people and reading (oh wait, that's the same as books isn't it?). I just pray to God, that I can still be purposeful in the midst of all this.
5. i've also been wondering about friends in Halifax, especially Karemy, who've apparently been too busy to keep in touch. Haha

Hmm. The sneezing has started. Nothing a little anti-histamine and coffee can't fix. Or sleep. Or lazing around. :p