solitude for the desolate

I always was worried what would happen next. Always worried what ppl might think.

“What if ppl laugh at me or think i'm uncool? What if it'd made me look like a fool?"

Of course that has changed. I’ve grown.
Lately, in line with would happen to my future, of course, I’ve been thinking:

“When will I ever get to go home to Malaysia? To see friends and family again and see my home once more?”

Today, while walking home from peds emerge, the sky was as beautiful as it was yesterday. Sun setting in the west, with the sky orangey around it but blue everywhere else. And something about the blue was so different. The comforting light blue, that does so well in making me feel so secured. It wasn’t a long walk, but I had a good conversation with God. I felt my questions were answered all suddenly, and that it was all going to be fine, that my trust in God has not been misplaced.

“All you are, is all I want, always
draw me close in your arms oh God,
I want to be with you,
cause all you are is all I want, always
draw me close in your arms oh God,
I want to be with you”

At that point of time, I felt, that’s all that mattered, that if God would keep me close, nothing else would matter. Every tear, every joy, every dream, every fear has all been conquered by God. It doesn’t matter how long before I go home, or how long I will be away from home. Whichever. My home is where God is, and that would be everywhere.
All God is, is all I want. Nothing else. God fulfills my soul. Every inch of me is quenched by His presence.

I almost cried. I nearly did. Almost.

I guess the blue sky was so comforting because it was so calm. No matter how hard the winds blow, or if the sun wasn’t up, whether the clouds and rain are in the way, at the end, the sky remains the same. Really unchanged by the weather. Hence, neither will I be fazed be put down, and I will soar with the eagles as my God is with me always.