the way we look at the world

Interesting movie I just watched. Crash. I can understand why it won the academy award for best movie.

It's strange how, sometimes, we look at skin color and cringe. Or to have a certain preconception about someone you don't even meet. Maybe not everyone has this habit, but I for one, certainly fall victim. It's sad really. I judge quickly. As quick as a predator would pounce on its victim as soon as it has the chance.

It's worse when someone gives me a bad impression the first time I meet them. It lasts quite a while before that person gets to clear his/her name. And here I am, complaining that ppl shouldn't be making judgements on the first impression.

All those times that I may have not helped someone with my 100% just because I thought they'd not deserve it. Yet, I'm being good here, and doing them a favor. Hurray for Ian the savior!

Man. Sometimes, I feel my name's spelt as H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E.

Anyway, for all those who are movie lovers, I highly recommend crash. Watch it and you'll understand what I'm trying to say. It's even funnier when you find yourself rooting for certain characters for the weirdest reasons. Some being, not liking certain characters eventhough they can turn good in the end. The story had many values to learn about, and the most impt at the end of the day is that, given the right chance, anyone can change for the better. Agree?

defeated

"Idiots. All of them. Every single one of them."

He flew in a rage again. Upset and feeling betrayed. The feeling of being defeated and the word LOSER plays over and over in his mind.

"Why? Why o why me? What did I do to end up like this?"

He felt like he had no longer the strength to push on. To be patient with everything, and to not display his feelings of anger.
That look on his face, was not anger. It was betrayel. Carved all over his face. Disappointment, to the point he wanted to burst out in tears. But he couldn't. He had to be strong. No one else will be for him.

"God, I need you now, more than ever. Lord, I am weak, and You are strong. Your yolk is light and mine is heavy laden. Lord, You said, that You will take my load. Lord. Please. I don't know if I can last another day."

What he heard in his head, he knew were lies. But they were so convincing. It was so easy to believe them and continue to wallow in them. After all, who doesn't like to have pity for themselves.

Pityful creature.

away

away I am. studying hard I'm supposed to be. be back once exams are over.
man. I think I've lose weight from stress.

Yikes, I'll be left with only skin and bones.

familiar or family?

I don't know how many times I've been told:

"You look familiar, have I met you before somewhere else?"

I don't know what to take of it. Familiar face. Hmmm.... does it mean:
a) ordinary?
b) special?
c) I give ppl a sense of deja vu?
d) ppl use it as a pick up line (which is bad, because this comes from both male and female, some married too)
e) just something ppl say often.

I have lost count of how many times this had happen. While I've been in Canada alone ? Easily 20 times I would say. Okay. Maybe I'm exaggerating. Whatever.

Or maybe. I've blend into like what on of the doctors here once joked. EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME. Hence, my theory is, I've become somewhat like a haligonian. It's something like, when you look at me, you think you are looking at the mirror. Comprende?

Oo... I see lots of (one) eyebrows being raised. Guess I'll stop here then.

Tum ti tum.....

Have a good week guys/girls :)

when winter ends, love springs...

What a weird title to put, I must admit. It's not so much that I'm in love with spring, but truely, it is the end of winter that I'm so excited about. Wouldn't like to live in anything below -5 if possible.

But, that's not the message I'm trying to convey with my title.
Maybe my title should be more specific, like puppy love. Or highschool love. Or love when you're young and passionate. But since, neither of there titles are as catchy, I vouched for the one, which is the title right now. (Am I making sense?)

Yeah, this thought came about when I was talking to someone about relationships. How the guy like the girl and vice versa. Then, all the cute questions like,"How do you know he likes me ?Are you sure?" (that's the excited response of a person who has reciprocal feelings). Some more of it would be: "Are you sure? Really? I don't think so? Are you sure?" Then comes the blush. Haha.

I totally remember those days. Not to say I'm that old. I'm trying to say, it's not very long ago. :)

So, is it time for a relationship? Recently, some ppl asked me about what kind of girl I liked (those some ppl may even be reading me blog now), and I told them there's a lot. Not because I wanted to be rude or wanted to show superiority, but I guess at that point of time, and even now, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. I don't think I can handle anything as big as that. Not that I'm afraid of being committed, it's more of not being commited that I'm worried about. I don't want to start something I can't finish. As simple as that. And I want to trust God that He will tell me when it's time.

BUT...

yes, always with the buts. Sometimes, I wonder if it'll ever happen. Or if I should go ahead. I clearly remember the last time doing something I felt God didn't want me to do. I really felt like I was sinning in broad daylight. Like it was clearly stated, I shouldn't, but I went ahead with anyways. That's that.

I guess I should do as my best friend told me: Be whole yourself first with God before starting another relationship.

Because, unlike what Jerry Maguire said, my spouse/my life partner will not "complete me".

What do you guys/girls think?

things u do and regret later

It's interesting how we do things so impulsively and then regret of our actions like an hour later. Well, it's not that I have never not done this before, I have, but yet I still repeat things I wish I never do.
Take for instance, just the other day, after preaching tolerance to others and telling myself ot be patient with this ONE person, I finally couldn't do. I blew it. I guess the tipping point for me was, not only was the person lying, that particualr person did not want to admit the mistake that was made. Instead of apologizing and promising not to do it again, this person turns the guilt trip around and accuses me of not being trusting enough.

Fine.

I admit. I'm at fault too. If I didn't pick too much on this person, maybe all my advice wouldn't fall onto death ears. Maybe, if I was patient enough, God would speak to that person. Maybe if I be patient for a while longer I won't have to face THIS anymore. Maybe this and maybe that. I was giving myself excuse.

Without God's love in me, and without His patience, I found myself to have ran out quickly. Ran out on patience, ran dry on God's love. Whenever I do this, whenever I do something wrong, I feel like I've fallen from grace. Well. Not that everything's been really running smoothly as I'd like anyways as it, but this is worse.

I guess, as much as I feel like I'm slipping I can only hold on to this:

2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)

9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

I guess I need to do the next thing. To say sorry eh ?

the line that's plagued with death and the blessed with the gift of life

As I progress more along this line, the more I see death and well of coure life too. But the childish dream of saving lives may just come to an abrupt end or just stay as a dream if I don't work harder. As my exams approach, I panic more, like a little boy who can't hold his bladder running to the toilet. I leak. Under pressure.

Nice.

Just the other day, I spoke to a patient before she went into the operation room. I met her and her family the week before in clinic, doing the whole history and physical for admission (yada yada... not impt ). I get very chatty with patients, and like to form relationships with them. Sad thing is, if I don't buck up with my head knowledge, I'm just going to either be able to cheer my patients with friendly chatter, or I'd chatter them to death. Either ways, it will fit the profile of medicine as I described (see above).

Right. I thought I'd be nonchalant about things for once and blog about rubbish. I believe I'm succeeding aren't I?
Anyhow, before saying good bye to the patient, I said something really corny, like ." Right, gotta go. Busy saving lives" jokingly with a thumbs up and a wide cheesy grin.

As I walked away, I chided myself, for once again, for I had let the lack of sleep diminish the functions of my frontal lobe. Patients must think I'm nuts.
RIght. Back to studying. Still as cool as a cucumber. Not panicking yet.

Ohmygoodnessohmygoodnessohmygoodnessohmygoodness.............

(Some random screaming and thrashing around the room)