Monday, March 27, 2006

defeated

"Idiots. All of them. Every single one of them."

He flew in a rage again. Upset and feeling betrayed. The feeling of being defeated and the word LOSER plays over and over in his mind.

"Why? Why o why me? What did I do to end up like this?"

He felt like he had no longer the strength to push on. To be patient with everything, and to not display his feelings of anger.
That look on his face, was not anger. It was betrayel. Carved all over his face. Disappointment, to the point he wanted to burst out in tears. But he couldn't. He had to be strong. No one else will be for him.

"God, I need you now, more than ever. Lord, I am weak, and You are strong. Your yolk is light and mine is heavy laden. Lord, You said, that You will take my load. Lord. Please. I don't know if I can last another day."

What he heard in his head, he knew were lies. But they were so convincing. It was so easy to believe them and continue to wallow in them. After all, who doesn't like to have pity for themselves.

Pityful creature.
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2 comments:

勇d said...

'decend from the crest.'
Songs of Songs 4:8

one day when walking down the street,
on business bent, while thinking hard
about the 'hundred cares' which seemed
like thunderclouds about to break
in torrents, self-pity said to me:
'you poor, poor thing, you have too much
to do. your life is far too hard.
this heavy load will crush you soon.'
a swift response of sympathy
welled up within. the burning sun
seemed more intense. the dust and noise
of puffing motors flying past
with rasping blast of blowing horn
incensed still more the whining nerves,
the fabled last back-breaking straw
to weary, troubled, fretting mind.

'ah yes, it will break and crush my life;
i cannot bear this constant strain
of endless aggravating cares;
they are too great for such as i.'
so thus my heart consoled itself,
'enjoying misery,' when lo!
a 'still small voice' distinctly said,
'twas sent to lift you - not to crush.'
i saw at once my great mistake.
my place was not beneath the load
but on the top! God meant it not
that i should carry it. he sent
it here to carry me. full well
he knew my incapacity
before the plan was made. he saw
a child of his in need of grace
and power to serve; a puny twig
requiring sun and rain to grow;
an undeveloped chrysalis;
a weak soul lacking faith in God.
he could not help but see all this
and more. and then, with tender thought
he placed it where it had to grow -
or die. to lie and cringe beneath
one's load means death, but life and power
await all those who dare to rise above.
our burdens are our wings; on them
we soar to higher realms of grace;
without them we must ever roam
on plains of undeveloped faith,

o paradox of Heaven. the load
we thing will crush was sent to lift us
up to God! then, soul of mine,
climb up! nothing can e'er be crushed
save what is underneath the weight.
how may we climb! by what ascent
will we crest the critical cares
of life! within his word is found
the key which opens His secret stairs;
alone with Christ, secluded there,
we mount our loads, and rest in Him.

sorry for the long comment
i hope it helps.

12:45 PM
peasantboy said...

much appreciated. thanks :)

8:45 PM

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