humans

Funny how humans think and work. Thinking about sports, and all the types of games you can catch on telly these days. Basketball, soccer, hockey, etc.
People LOVE watching games, cheering their favorite team on, buy their merchandise and boast to the world they support their team.

Now. Why in the world do we love doing that? How is it in anyway beneficial to just watch sports?
Think: why is 20% of north america obese?
Answer: people pay to watch sports, sit on their couches and consume chips, nachos, pop, beer etc.

Wouldn't it be better to just play the sport yourself? I know it's great to have cheer spirit, and be able to have a huge fan club base where you get to meet other people and cheer together, but honestly, would it NOT be better to just play the sports yourself and get good at it?
That's just my opinion.

Today, I saw an obese lady, and she hobbles along like she's a penguin.
So many people on my service, from smoking, from diabetes have their legs amputated.

Have I inspired you enought yet to make you run laps on a daily basis?

brokenness

In my short sightedness I did not see
In the quiet, I could not be still
There were instructions, but I could not comprehend
For everything seemed lost and blurry
Trully, I am blind, deaf and mute.

For I cannot see beyond the things of this world
The promised land is beyond the horizon

As I walk through this desert of dryness
Through the valleys of darkness
And the cold cold forrest

Here I lie, cold and broken
Hoping for help, crying for a way out
Here I lie
In my brokenness

in bitterness or in tears?

Ah. It's frustrating. It's so VERY frustrating, that people have truly moved on in their lives when you have not. It's more frustrating when it's truly the one important thing in your life, and you can't quite seem to get there.

I can't stand to settle for second.

AND unfortunately I am. Reading Aiky's mail (yes, Aiky, YOUR mail if you are reading this blog) has made me realized many things. Well. I already knew this, but I knew I had been settling for mediocrity.

Where's that burning passionate relationship for God, the one that I yearned for not only His presence but His word in my life? Has that fire truely diminish? So much so, the effort to try is even no longer there?

Anyhow, congrats Aiky. Well deserved. As all deserves our ends, you truly deserved yours.
It leaves me in question though, what's mine, and am I doing the right thing?

that time of the year

It's the sense of pending doom. Though nothing is wrong, you feel that everything could just come crashing down. So lost and so... in place yet out of place. It's like in between two opposites, like standing btwn train tracks and both trains are passing by in opposite directions at the same time. Torn would probably be the best word.

What am I talking about? Utter confusion as to what I'll be doing after I graduate. The constant thought of knowing that I'm supposed to be a qualified doctor in one year's time, and am supposed to know a whole bunch of things by then?

This week, getting back into surgery was really good. Initially, I was afraid of the time, having to wake up early and not getting in as much sleep hours. But, I've learnt quite a bit, and it's a matter of getting myself back into the habit. Honestly, this week has been a good reminder why I like surgery so much more than medicine.

Ah. More time to contemplate things. In my dreams, in my good sleep.

ZZzzzz

hang ups

I should have but I didn't...

If only I knew earlier... I would have....

Surely, it wasn't my fault... was it ?

But I checked! Maybe if I looked through it again...


Hang ups. We all have it. I wish sometimes, I would be fast enough to spot it earlier, and do it correctly for the first time before something happens, and I lay in my bed full of regret.
This is still a working process for me, but it really REALLY bothers me somedays when all I can think about my mistakes and how I would react diffrently in certain situations.

Yes, I am alive and well, and should be thankful. Just my mind that curiously wanders off, thinking if things would have been different, if only I had acted differently.

It's a vague blog I know. I'm just thinking out aloud, don't mind me.

fulfilled?

ful·fill also ful·fil (fl-fl) Pronunciation Key Audio pronunciation of "fulfilled" [P]
tr.v. ful·filled, ful·fill·ing, ful·fills, also ful·fils

1. To bring into actuality; effect: fulfilled their promises.
2. To carry out (an order, for example).
3. To measure up to; satisfy. See Synonyms at perform. See Synonyms at satisfy.
4. To bring to an end; complete.

Am I satisfied? Have I brought my purpose into effect? Have I spent my time in such a way that I would truly be able to say that it brings such fulfilment?

The unfortunate event of me playing games for 12 hours (there were breaks in between), shows that I had enough resting. Time to get back to work. Hopefully, I'll feel more fulfilled then.

responsibility

Becoming of age, doesn't necessarily mean one is all grown up. Some say, when you are 23 you are an adult. Others say, when you finally make all your own decisions, you know you've grown up.

As my time as an undergraduate draws to an end (yes, it's my first degree, not second), I have to make numerous decisions on what to do next. Although my parents are still around to be consulted, I have this feeling that I should depend very much on myself and not await directions or orders. I have to decide on my own how to be responsible for myself. Yes, that's the biggest responsibility is that. If I'm going to start working, I have to treat what I do as something of utmost importance, giving my best to it, not to impress, but mainly due to the reason that IT IS MY JOB.
Finances will soon be managed by myself, and I have to learn to allocate my money wisely and not just on CDs, books and entertainment. I have to start to think ahead and not just of today and tomorrow.

As these thoughts run through my mind, I am afraid, I fear for my lack of capability to do such things. In other words, some days I just don't feel like growing up. I'm not here to study anymore (well, learning is a life process) but to learn how to make most of life.

Note: life isn't about being successful in your job, but I feel it is totally of GREAT importance to do the best in all that you do (although I am quite the slacker).

Ah, adulthood, here I come, with trembling hands and faltering feet. If I fall, I know it's not going to be into a gentle embrace. Hard fall, but good scars to remember my mistakes.

Sigh.

sneaky little creature

And there it was, not creeping, but running, but not carelessly, but quiet and so effortlessly. Not 3 men could catch it. All were cautious, unsuspecting that the little beast was not only fast, but intelligent too. Running for its life, it managed in its own way, its taunts. Probably smiling in its failed captors defeat.

It wasn't running for its life. No, the little thing was running for valour and merely to embarass clumsy giants. Giants with poor speed and poor agility. How were any of them going to kill it or even catch it?

Damn mouse.

You defeated 5 mouse traps, which incidentally caught a much bigger beast, that was slower in both speed and wit (Dickson...hahaha). You eluded the 3 musketeers effort to quash you. Not mop, nor broom, nor special sweeper-thing could stop you.

Stupid mouse.

Mock us now with your tiny chatter and laughter. We will catch you soon, and soon, we will have roast mouse.