one without the other, is nothing

You know, I've just learn to appreciate thing a little more. All the cold weather, the freezing while walking from one place to another, I've learn to appreciate it, because today, when the weather was -1, it felt great. My point is, you cannot appreciate current conditions if you have never experienced worse. A lot of ppl can't say, thank God I'm whole and have all four limbs until they see someone who doesn't have one of their limbs, or even worse, when they themselves lose one limb.

Speaking to an old patient the other day about being young again and having no responsibilities, and she was saying while it would be nice to be young again. she doesn't really want to live that life again. To think about it, it's true. To make all those embarassing mistakes all over again ? Haha. The puppy love in highschool and what nots?

You know how all of us go through those cringing moments, when we make those silly mistakes and we feel like we'll never get through it? 5 years ago I wouldn't be able to tolerate much, and even right now I believe I can only tolerate so much. But I'm thankful that I've been through all the pains and groans eash time I had a problem. 23 this year. I've grown I believe. As much as I don't feel it, when I think about it, I know, I've grown.

I can only say: Thank God! He has been my rock!

So essentially, joy without first experiencing sorrow is nothing, because, it's just another noun until you can make the comparison and be joyous (an adjective??!?!?)

i'm old too!!!

You scored as Gandalf. You are Gandalf! This wise, old mage is loyal and brave. He is known for his counsel and advice to his friends and allies during tough times. "All you have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to you." Gandalf 81% Faramir 69% Eowyn 63% Samwise 63% Frodo 63% Aragorn 56% Gollum 38% Arwen 38% Pippin 31% Which LOTR character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

X men quiz

You scored as Wolverine. Wolverine is a loner, and a skilled fighter. He's got the hots for Jean Grey but a better fit for him would be Storm. He doesn't like to follow orders which pisses Cyclops off. He has terrible memories from the experimentation done on him at Weapon X. Even though he doesn't show it, he loves the X-Men. Powers: Fast healing and adamantium skeleton and claws.

Wolverine		90%
Jean Grey		80%
Rogue		70%
Iceman		70%
Cyclops		70%
Storm		65%
Colossus		65%
Beast		60%
Gambit		55%
Emma Frost		45%
Nightcrawler		45%

Most Comprehensive X-Men Personality Quiz 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

annoyed

Lately, I've been getting real annoyed with certain ppl around me. It's worse when you're nice to them and they are the exact opposite. I know, to love my enemies and to pray for them. Well, this ppl aren't enemies. More like a thorn in my side. Irritating and yet don't know how to deal with it. Sometimes, ppl get the better of me, and I end up trying to do the same thing they did to me. I guess, patience is really a life long lesson. I have lots more to learn.
For those who know me way from before, they'll know what kind of mean statements I'm capable of. Now? I feel like a retarded dummy who can only smile in return when ppll decide to be sarcastic or critisize me.
The agony.

"Need to be more and more like You." the line that sings in my head.

hungry

Hungry. That's what I am. Not food. Not for love. Well. Not humanly love though. (It must be running through your minds, " Has Ian gone bizzarely nuts?")

Listening to the words of hungry (I'm falling on my knees) from vineyard made me really feel hungry for God. For God's love and for His purpose. I must admit. More and more this past few weeks, I hardly spent anytime at all, to pursue God's work. Not even to sit down and chat with Him, like how old friends would do over coffee. Sadly, I've been busying myself with my own thoughts, and at the end of the day, I blame my busy-ness of having to study and waking up early for surgery each morning.

Hungry Lord, I come to you
for I know u satisfy
I am empty but I know you're love
does not run dry

so I wait for you
so I wait for you
I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus you're all this heart is living for

broken I run to you
for your arms are open wide
i'm weary but your touch restores my life

so I wait for you
so I wait for you
I'm falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus you're all this heart is living for...

Jesus, you're all I need. Everything in one.

depressing

Apparently, my blog is too depressing eventhough a few posts back, I did post some funny stuff. Guess the world likes to see smiles and ppl skipping around singing, "SKippy doo daa, skippy doo dey".

Haha.

Unfortunately, I'm not one who is like that. (Sorry Stephen! ;P )

Now. On to depressing stuff. Not.

This comes to show. I've got nothing to blog. I just wrote this to make a point. See. This post isn't sad. It's just cynical. Sarcastic. Whatever.

Oh no. Impending doom. Sky is going to fall on me. The sun, tis not bright enuf.

"Oh bright, bright sun, where for art thou? Deny thy clouds that are hiding thee, and come shine light to me!"

Right, please excuse the writer. Apparently, the chronic lack of sleep has made him bonkers. Boink!

Have a good one guys.

God is awesome

Yesterday, I was feeilng so lousy. One of those days, where I was just battling myself.
Yes. Sin. Flesh. Temptation.

It's so easy to give in, when you're down. You feel like all is lost. And all is gone. U don't want to fight anymore. Just let every one do their own thing. You? Your own.
I'm sure, I'm not the only one who feels that way. Most of us, when we fall? Esp spiritually, we find it so hard to pick ourselves again.

But why? Why do we choose to listen to what the enemy has to say?

"You're so far from grace, one more sin won't matter."

"God doesn't want you, He doesn't want to know you, or be even near you."

"You've diluted the blood of the lamb. Nothing's going to save you now."

"Do it. Everyone else is. What difference can you make? Nothing!"

"Do you really believe you are any different from anyone else?"

"God, does not care not love you."

All these lies. All this deception. It's all to just to make you trip and fall.
But... do you know what? God doesn't count how many mistakes you make. It's the finishing line. The end goal that's impt. Life is really like a long marathon, with heaven being the ultimate finish. We keep running. Some of us fall many times, delay our time to reach the finishing line, but that's OKAY! God's patiently waiting for us at the end, to embrace us in His arms. Isn't that what we all want?

So each day, I tell myself, listen not to what the devil has to say, or what your flesh wants. Everyday is a battle. All those of you out there. Please continue praying for me. The battle which I do not wish to put all my energy in, but just be obedient and do what is right in God's eyes. THere are more impt to things to handle, don't you agree?

tribute

Ah. I'm not studying yet, but I guess i just want to put up this short post to that one person. Special tribute. That person has kind of left me. Not totally. But I guess as ppl grow apart, so do relationships, be it friendships or that special someone. How things change in over just a year. Can I complaint of what I proabably brought upon myself ?

I look back, and I see the path that I have chosen over the last year. Were the steps I took correct?

I guess, I'm just missing my friends back home and all over the world. But today, I esp miss that special one person. Hope all is well and that things get better for that person, who once very impt in my life.

Ahh. Memories. They are, but a past.

addiction

You know you are addicted to blogging when:
1. You can't wait to go back to turn on your comp just to write a blog or look at someone else's blog.
2. You think of a topic all day long to write on your blog... " Shall I write about this exp?" or "Oh oh... I should put this on my blog"
3. Even when you've already read the blog like 15 mins ago, you quickly turn to that page (even when you're supposed to be doing something else)
4. You constantly check the comments on your blog. "Come on, come on, let there be 5 msgs(when there's already 4)"
5. You advertise your blog for everyone to know.
6. When you start asking around, to see if any other of your friends have a blog.
7. You get restless if you don't check your blog or others in one day.
8. You get withdrawal symptoms from it, like fever, restlessness, chills at night, low concentration, frustrated feeling.

Right. That... was a absolute waste of my time. Why do I spend time entertaining ppl online? Haha.

chronically sleepless

I, Ian Chik, solemnly declare, that I, each day, will look more and more like the pandas (no offence to all animal lovers!), as I'm and chronically, and increasingly, lacking sleep. How many times can you do the head nodding dance, before the doctor notices you are actually sleepy? It's embarassing, to sit in front of the doctor who's giving the talk, and u nodding off and sleeping sitting straight up! Yeap. That's me. If I were to break any records at all , it would be for sleeping in any position. Sitting straight up without leaning on anything? Would be my latest record. Wow. The amount of time, money I would save if i could do this continously. Imagine travelling to foreign countries and not having to pay to stay in the hotel. Just go hide in some quiet and secluded corner of the hotel and dose of while sitting up. Awesome.

Right. As you can see, sleep deprivation also makes you speak of funny things. This are probably the look out signs and symptoms of the tired medical student. Yeap. The red flag for this, is when you sleep while 'reigning on you throne' in bathroom land. That's when you know, the coffee's no longer working, and it's time you go to bed.

ZZZzzzZZZ......

snow...

Everyone who hasn't seen snow says, "Wow, it's snowing? That sounds so fun!"

Na-ah. Not if the snow is up to 50 cms!!! It's worse when you are trying to tread through the snow with the wind blowing HARD at you. If anyone saw me, it would be like looking at the abominal snowman trying to get back to his cave. You see, it was 10am, and I was postcall. I was desperate to go home. A whole night of not sleeping. One consult after another. You would think, when there's a snow storm, no one would show up in emerge.
That, I guess, is only partially correct. While the waiting room was empty, there were still some patients that needed to come in. No special prizes in guessing this, but guess why they were in for ? All for surgical purposes. Small bowel obstruction, sigmoid volvulus, choledochocystitis. It was interesting at that time. Not so interesting when you are trying to stay awake at 9 in the morning during service rounds. I was doing the drunken head tilt dance.

Anyhow, most ppl I believe are snowed in. Schools, universities, were closed. Heck, most ppl were dying from not getting their daily coffe from Tim Horton's because the staff didn't come to work. Some which would include me, cause I needed coffee badly this morning but couldn't get it. The saddests reality about med school, esp in your senior years here: you have to go to the hospital, come what may, even if kingdom come. Haha. That's the truth. So, tmrw morning ? It's treading in snow that can't be cleared. 50 cm's? I think I'll wear my swimming trunks and go for a swim. Brrrrr......