parade pics

this was one of the nicest floats. just a simple swan

the gringe in jail. and a few others that i can't recognize.

looks like scrooge paid his way out of jail

a big snowman in a big glassball on the back of a truck.

a mother's love

Another week has gone by. It means, another week closer to the exams.

I'm done with peds wards. Finally. Not that it was dreadful, but it was tiring. And honestly, had lots of good exp while I was there, and get this, I was told that i have a very sweet approach to kids.
Now everyone say AWWW together. :)

Anyhow, the one thing I saw and learnt about in peds wards that really really awes me, and nearly teared me, was a mother's love. Imagine if you were a mother, who's son should be old enough to dress himself at least, or even feed himself or go relieve his bladder by himself, but can't. What would you do if one of ur family members are to be like that. With NO chance to getting better, with the same kind of condition and will never properly developed in motor and language skills? To sit by him everyday and clean him and feed him. To wait hand and foot on him. OR how about the mother who knows her daughter has a chronic illness which will eventually but slowly kill her? JUST when you would go 'oh dear' or 'oh no', you realise something. The mum doesn't react the same way as you do. She gazes at her child with so much affection, and even though sometimes they complain, I was really able to see how deep her love was for her child.

The thing that really almost brought me to tears was this one particular patient. This child was going to have multiple medical issues, was developmentally delalyed and wasn't going to live as long as most of us. After taking care of her for 3 weeks, I felt like it was impossible to take care of this kid forever. When she was sick she would just cry. Hungry? Cry. Diarrhea? Cry. (yes I know this sounds like a baby, but she wasn't).
And while I was with both mum and babe, guess what I heard mum sing?

Jesus loves you! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

REFRAIN
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

I almost cried. It was touching how a mother's love supercedes everything. This truly reminded me of God and how He loves us no matter what the circumstances, no matter how rotten we are. Thank you Lord.

Here's the rest of the song just in case you wanted it.

Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, “Let them come to Me.”

Refrain

Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.

Refrain

Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven’s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.

Refrain

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.

Refrain

just another day

I like the days where I can just put on melancholic songs and sit in my room. Sounds depressing. But I enjoy this, 'stoning' moments.

People change over the time. We all do. It's not fair to say, that I'm the same ol' same ol' you see from day to day. All the experiences that I've been through, the decisions I have to make about relationships, friendships, my studies etc.
The one thing I've enjoyed the most is really telling ppl about myself. Haha. Oddly sounds like I like to boast. I guess in a way I do. I boast of a past that I've managed to overcome.
Times like this, I sit and question myself, what if I continued down this pathway, what would happen eventually?
For those who know of my past, you'll understand where I'm coming from.

"What if I continued drinking alcohol like it was giving my life?"

"What if I decided that I should not hold sacred to love, and have pre-marital sex?"

"What if I decided that I didn't want to follow God, and continue living in my own lifestyle?"


Thank God, I'm down this road and not the other. Thank God that he gives me strength to go through so many things that I know by my own strength I'd truly fail. Thank God I am here.

phew.

on a happier note

Okay okay... I'll write something less depressing. Being serious all the time will surely make things dull.

So on a bright happy cheery note:
IT"S GOING TO BE CHRISTMAS IN ONE MONTH!!!

There was a a parade of lights today downtown. With all sorts of floats and bands marching down the streets. There was one that was particularly funny. It was a cage with villians in it. And one of them was the grinch, waving his fists furiously. Haha. Creative I must say. The rest was pretty standard. The big thing that everyone was waiting for was Santa. Santa is really an idol here. They were like, when's santa coming. Finally, the float prior to last (which had santa) excitedly announced: Santa's just behind me.
I must say. I am getting into the Christmas mood. Unforunately, my exams are just before christmas. So besides spending time not studying, from 6 to now which is 1030, I feel really guilty now. Ha ha.

I'll post the pics soon. I better. I had to hold the camera in mid air without gloves at temp of -1. My hands were pretty numb after that. I couldn't bend my fingers. For at least another 30 mins or so, till I soaked it in warm water.

All the christmas carols are starting to sing itself in my head. If u could just imagine looking into my brain now, u would prob see a group of carollers huddled up together singing 'Joy To the World'.

Glee. Christmas. Anybody want to send me presents?

just chillin' out

2 more minutes to 12am. Chilling in my room listening to pure jazz. This is indeed relaxing. I always wondered what ppl do when they sit down and chill out. I recollect my thoughts about the week and what I'd like to do better for next week. My number one plan is always to study harder, but unfortunately I fail to do so, week after week. Haha. I'm just getting old. And kids are just wearing me down. Or it could be I'm just lazy. I choose the former to console myself.

Just in my thoughts recently, is: when did men start to forget or defy God? I know. It may be boring to all those of you who visit this blog often enough, but unfortunately, my life is not that interesting, and I'm constantly filled with questions as such.
Sorry if you think this is boring. :p

I believe it started before Noah's time even. That's why God wanted to rid this world of people. Then the second time round was after Moses went up the mountain.
It stretched all the way till today... amazing.
What befuddles me most, is that ppl say they are open to everything and yet so closed and clamped up when one tries to share the gospel or anything that has the word God in it. How open is that? It's really frustrating sometimes. Leads me to thinking, how to love this ppl and not give up on them? The only thing encouragement I get is that I know God really loves these ppl very much, and if He does, they should be important to me too no?

Matthew 11:15
15He who has ears, let him hear.

Sadly, many have ears, but are not functional in a sense. It's like speaking to a deaf ear.
My question is only, when will they start realizing that God's been trying to speak to them for a long long time already?
Bah, open mindedness.

For all you other Christians out there, this was one interesting question that I was asked though, "when did u stop asking and started believing? and why did u start believing?"
A good question to review with not just other ppl but yourself. I hope everyone knows why or when Christ entered their lives.

the future

Aha... got ur attention didn't I? I'm not talking about my future in specific. Like wife kids job etc. I'm talking about our future. Yes. Yours. Mine.

I woke up this morning with a firghtful dream. It seemed so real. It seemed like this was something that was about to happen in the near future. How I know for sure? I don't. But I was kinda having debate with God if this was going to be the future or not. Anyway..

My dream. I remember crawling around trying to hide because ppl were out to kill me. I had to hide among the bushes, crawl on all fours. I remember so well that I couldn't go to the police and this was out in public. Some ppl had just entered my house (I presume and offed a few ppl in there). I escaped. Crawled in the bushes. Funny thing is my house was next to a busy road. Yet no one bothered. The next few scenes are not fresh in my mind anymore. I shouuld have wrote them down this morning as I woke up. But the one thing that made me real sick... REALLY sick.. was this one scene were I watched nurses in the hospital feed babies. Babies were all lined up in a row. *disclaimer- do not read on if u think u won't be able to stomach this*...

okay. Here goes. U know how babies have the Moro reflex and sucking reflec (for all the med students)? How they turn and around to something and start sucking once they feel something on the palate of the mouth ? Yeah... well... guess what was put in their mouth ? A man's genitalia... urrghh.... u get the pic. The worse part was tehre were nurses and doctors in cohort. I remember vivdly that when I woke up, I felt nauseated from this dream because of that scene. I was very disorientated for a number of minutes. Wondering if I had really woken up from a dream. And as I was preparing to go to the hospital, this constant thought nagged me, this is how the future will be. And for some weird reason, I believed the last dream was how homosexuals came about. Weird theory I know. But I thought I'd share with you. It felt as if I was being showed the world of lawlessness in the future.

I'm afraid that the day it happens, I'm still around. Won't be a fun time.

On a brighter note, I've caught the sniffles (rhinorrhea) from the kids in the ward, or at least my colleague. Goodness, I'm leaking like a leaky faucet. Someone shut me off pls......

this world

While I sit down here and whine some more on how I don't think i'll be a good doctor, I don't do anything. sigh. hope I don't crash and burn and give insulin to a hypoglycemic patient. haha.
Right. Today's post. Besides me telling you why I can't be a good doctor, I'll also like to discuss about the world today and how ppl do not want to believe in God. Right. Moving on.
Just the other day while at a forum, one person decided that he should be bold and to tell everyone he has enough about ppl telling him about God. Simply because he has announced that he is an atheist. Fair enough.
But oddly enough, this atheist is afraid of hell. He says and I quote, " If God is so fair and gave us free will, how come one person will go to hell if he does not believe in CHrist."
Well said. Well asked.
I didn't answer him the conventional, because God is justice and God is love at the same time. Because 1. he doesn't understand God's love, and 2. the only justice he understands is his own. geddit ?
So I answered, " Friend, if u are really someone who doesn't believe in God, then you dn't have to worry about hell. U don't have to worry about how God is not fair or if He gives u a choice, because simply, u don't care."
Clearly, someone was struggling with his own believe. I then proceeded to also tell him how he has already made his choice, which God allowed him to. He chose to not believe. He chose to be an atheist. That was the choice.
I tell u, as much as I hate having to give credit to the enemy, he is one tricky fella. Going around and telling ppl how God has not given them a choice. TO choose God or to choose hell. But the thing is.. we've got it all wrong haven't we? We do not have a choice. We were going to get condemned anywayz since we are all sinful. Every thought and every action (well almost every tot and action) is sinful. How to redeem ourselves? Better to save the lamb for lamb chop or the goat for curry mutton.. yumm! :)
And God sent His son to save us. But just like in any condition, when we are in a pit, if we don't reach out to the hand that wants to pull us out... how are we going to get saved? In the same manner.... how are we going to get saved if we prefer the 'pit' rather than the outside world ?

hmm.. I'm trying to connect this with my doctor story... but I guess I can't. haha. All I can say about this doctor business is.. it's a journey everyone has to take... I remember all those who said this thou art holy cliche : I want to be a doctor because I want to save ppl. That includes myself. Boy... am I laughing now.... real hard..

grace to love

How to have sufficient grace to love so many that I could pick a thousand and one faults with ?
How do some ppl find so much patience to just linger on around that one person that irritates the heck out of them?
Okay, maybe they don't feel as strongly as I do. Maybe I'm being highly critical. How do I change?
Times like this I really need God's grace to not lose my temper. What is it that I'm missing? What is it that I cannot see that God wants me to see?

How to change from wanting to strangle someone to just accepting someone as they are?

2 Cor 12:9 (NIV) says:

9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

What a beautiful promise. What a beatiful verse. The only thing I need to do is not to just know it, but to really understand it.
Hopefully the day will come that I will be able to pour love to those who need it and to those that I sometimes may think do not deserve, that I will not judge, love as God has showered me with His great love.

from a to b

Lately, I've been wanting shortcuts in my life more so then ever.
How can I get from A to B without working to hard? I find my life pretty messed up nowadays. In terms of studies.. just can't seem to get my priorities straight. Like now.
I'm here. When I should be staring at the words on the page of a book... not here. HELP!

What about the other things that I'm supposed to do? 'supposed'..... can someone else do it for me? or can I consider it just done?
Is it really just me, that I feel I'd like to graduate at this instant with all the knowledge in my head, being able to be the best in my profession? Can I stop making myself feel so guilty about what I've not done?
Worse thing is when someone comes up to you and say, man you've got it all organized, but when you really think to yourself... YOU ARE ALL MESSED UP!!! ORGANIZED?what a riot....

someone... just shoot me pls.. now...

Truth

Sometimes when you know something deep down in your heart and in your brain, you question others when they don't do the same.
For instance, time and time again, I ask myself, why in the world would someone NOT believe in God?
The worse is, when arguing about God's existence and Him creating the universe versus evolution, some one quoted the Pope! I was told that the Pope believes in evolution. I do not know how much of that is true, but even if so, how would it affect what you would think of God and evolution ? Did not know how to argue on that point. I did however say that a thief can believe in the law and yet still break it by stealing. Acknowledging doesn't mean anything. Doesn't quite equate come to think about it. BUT... I still think, your life is your own, your mind is your own. Form your own opinion. Doesn't matter how influential that person is, you should still have your own opinion.
Back to the topic. I guess, it all boils down to being enlightened isn't it. I can explain to a kid walking in a certain manner would be like walking in a circle. The kid wouldn't understand me, could do it over and over again and still think he's going to a diff place. Until he sees the bigger picture like a map. geddit?

...........................

maybe not. just another whine i believe.... crud

pilot.

I'm a whiner. No. Not a winner. A whiner.
Despite the title of this blog, I shall try my very best to NOT whine. Try. Gr8 men have tried and failed.
What more a mere mortal like me? :p