As usual, I waste my time watching tv. I'm toning down though. So that's improving. Hope not to watch tv this week at all. Or at least, not more than 3 hours if possible.
Well, that's not the topic that I was going to blog aobut today. I was watching A Walk to Remember yesterday (yes, I did), and I thought it had some good lessons and some interesting bits in it.
Lesson no 1: MAN O MAN, it's RARE to find someone like Mandy Moore's character in the movie. Someone so planted in God. Is there such a person? That girl had everything... brains beauty looks, a great singing voice...
Stop.
I'm going astray again. TV's making my concentration really poor.
What I really want to talk about, is the chapter in Corinthians about love. I'm sure almost all of you know what I'm talking about.
Love is patient
Love is kind
It does not envy
It does not boast
It is not proud
It is not rude
It is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered
It keeps no records of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
The beautiful thing about it, is that it's not just for love in a relationship. It's love for everyone.
Love is patient- no matter how irritating someone can be, love should overcome this.
It keeps no records of wrongs- my sins outweigh much more than any silly mistake a friend can do. Yet I am forgiven and I am loved.
Always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres.
It's the same for father and son. Wife and husband, Brother and brother. Between friends. Same with lovers.
Hmm... this post may make no sense. I guess all i'm trying to say, is that, I can do better with people. Peace.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
the true self appears
After so long of being the good guy, I sometimes wonder is it all worth it?
Folllowing the rules and doing what is right, I think I've lost the perspective of eternity some days.
When you do what is right, and ppl diss u for it. Man. Sometimes, it makes me feel like such a loser for doing what is right. Obviously, I've lost my perspective and I end up comparing, what ppl do with what I do, and I ask myself, is it worth doing what is right.
Some one give me a quick reminder pls? I think I left my brain somewhere.
Folllowing the rules and doing what is right, I think I've lost the perspective of eternity some days.
When you do what is right, and ppl diss u for it. Man. Sometimes, it makes me feel like such a loser for doing what is right. Obviously, I've lost my perspective and I end up comparing, what ppl do with what I do, and I ask myself, is it worth doing what is right.
Some one give me a quick reminder pls? I think I left my brain somewhere.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
blame it all on yourself
When things go awry, I tend to blame myself. I tend to say: Why did I do a certain something when I knew I could have avoided it. This time, I don't know what to think any longer.
Yes. I'm back talking about friendships. When everyone else seems to be so content with where they are with their friends, I am not. I've not only lost touch with most ppl, but I really don't think I know them anymore. It's the same thing over again. And now I question, is it really my doing?
Every single time I move on to a new place, the old friends just to somewhat disappear. It's either I'm not a great friend that nobody tries THAT hard to preserve a friendship with me, or that I'm just ignoring all the signs? I don't get, and I don't know how. I've come to discover, I'm really like a nomad, travelling place to place, getting to know ppl, but as soon as I leave, I dust off the dirt of the place of my shoes, and the ppl purge their house of my presence.
I get. Everyone's busy right? Everyone's got their own thing right? But is it so hard to get an email? I guess it is. I give up. If not for someone having to warn others about what I feel, no one will ever know, not even the one I call my closest friend. I get it. It's my poor effort right? I'm not understanding enough right?
Boy... keep this up, and I'll soon sink into depression.
Yes. I'm back talking about friendships. When everyone else seems to be so content with where they are with their friends, I am not. I've not only lost touch with most ppl, but I really don't think I know them anymore. It's the same thing over again. And now I question, is it really my doing?
Every single time I move on to a new place, the old friends just to somewhat disappear. It's either I'm not a great friend that nobody tries THAT hard to preserve a friendship with me, or that I'm just ignoring all the signs? I don't get, and I don't know how. I've come to discover, I'm really like a nomad, travelling place to place, getting to know ppl, but as soon as I leave, I dust off the dirt of the place of my shoes, and the ppl purge their house of my presence.
I get. Everyone's busy right? Everyone's got their own thing right? But is it so hard to get an email? I guess it is. I give up. If not for someone having to warn others about what I feel, no one will ever know, not even the one I call my closest friend. I get it. It's my poor effort right? I'm not understanding enough right?
Boy... keep this up, and I'll soon sink into depression.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
being christian
A lot of ppl have this misconception: to be christian, you would have to be good, or else you can't be christian.
How would any one of you read that? I want to begin by saying, christians are humans too. They make mistakes. And the whole point about being christian, is not about being perfect, but it's learning to be more and more Christ like.
It means, we make mistakes now. WE will make mistakes, probably later too.
That's why, we have God's saving grace. We DO NOT save ourselves, but God does. Christ died for all of us, for our sins. And because of that, because of God's abundant grace, we are saved.
By me saying this, I don't mean to say that it is alright for us to continue making mistakes. At some point or rather, we have to change to. Just that, it's sad to see how many non christians nit pick every single mistake a christian does. It is given that the christian should be an example, light and salt to his/her friends, BUT christians are still humans.
To err is human, but to not learn from your mistakes- is to be ignorant.
How would any one of you read that? I want to begin by saying, christians are humans too. They make mistakes. And the whole point about being christian, is not about being perfect, but it's learning to be more and more Christ like.
It means, we make mistakes now. WE will make mistakes, probably later too.
That's why, we have God's saving grace. We DO NOT save ourselves, but God does. Christ died for all of us, for our sins. And because of that, because of God's abundant grace, we are saved.
By me saying this, I don't mean to say that it is alright for us to continue making mistakes. At some point or rather, we have to change to. Just that, it's sad to see how many non christians nit pick every single mistake a christian does. It is given that the christian should be an example, light and salt to his/her friends, BUT christians are still humans.
To err is human, but to not learn from your mistakes- is to be ignorant.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
the end of an era
the end of an era
the time has come
to stay is still an option
but why stay
when you can go
leave for greener pastures
what is done
has already passed
no use looking back
no use crying over it
the beginning comes to an end
an abrupt halt
if you weren't looking
all is gone in a split second
or at least it feels like this
don't forget the little things
don't forget the big things
lest not you appreciate this
it goes
gone with the wind
like the flame that dies with the wind
it
is gone
the time has come
to stay is still an option
but why stay
when you can go
leave for greener pastures
what is done
has already passed
no use looking back
no use crying over it
the beginning comes to an end
an abrupt halt
if you weren't looking
all is gone in a split second
or at least it feels like this
don't forget the little things
don't forget the big things
lest not you appreciate this
it goes
gone with the wind
like the flame that dies with the wind
it
is gone
Friday, July 14, 2006
consumerism
Are you a consumer?
Do you find yourself buying clothes that define 'your sense of style'?
Are you finding yourself buying more products in line with 'your lifestyle'?
Are you known to buy a certain line of clothing, brand, product?
For instance, are you a mac user or a pc user?
Are you a rocker, a hip hopper, or punk rock, or even a jazz person?
Do you find yourself often saying, X brand is the best, I will only use this?
My last question:
Are you known for what you buy? Or are you known for your personality?
If the answers to most of the questions are yes, and you are known for the things you buy, you are a consumer.
I was reading an article on this and it is interesting. We have become a consumer generation. We are non longer known for out values but know by people for the things we wear, the music we listen to, or perhaps even by the amount we buy.
What's even more sad is that, most of us (christians included of course), we think more about what we are to wear tmrw, or what's the next gadget one can buy, or the latest album or book out in the stores soon. What happened to being known as a person with values? It still exists. I know. It's not completely wiped out, but take a moment to reflect, and I trust you too will find that that it mostly true. We are consumers.
AND when we go to church, we consume. We want to be blessed by God. We want gains, promises, riches, blessings, company. How many can sincerely say that they go to church to purely worship and bring glory to God? I know I can't. I'm as guilty as the coal is black. Time to go back to the basics eh?
Do you find yourself buying clothes that define 'your sense of style'?
Are you finding yourself buying more products in line with 'your lifestyle'?
Are you known to buy a certain line of clothing, brand, product?
For instance, are you a mac user or a pc user?
Are you a rocker, a hip hopper, or punk rock, or even a jazz person?
Do you find yourself often saying, X brand is the best, I will only use this?
My last question:
Are you known for what you buy? Or are you known for your personality?
If the answers to most of the questions are yes, and you are known for the things you buy, you are a consumer.
I was reading an article on this and it is interesting. We have become a consumer generation. We are non longer known for out values but know by people for the things we wear, the music we listen to, or perhaps even by the amount we buy.
What's even more sad is that, most of us (christians included of course), we think more about what we are to wear tmrw, or what's the next gadget one can buy, or the latest album or book out in the stores soon. What happened to being known as a person with values? It still exists. I know. It's not completely wiped out, but take a moment to reflect, and I trust you too will find that that it mostly true. We are consumers.
AND when we go to church, we consume. We want to be blessed by God. We want gains, promises, riches, blessings, company. How many can sincerely say that they go to church to purely worship and bring glory to God? I know I can't. I'm as guilty as the coal is black. Time to go back to the basics eh?
Sunday, July 09, 2006
to be the bigger person ?
Today, after speaking with someone today, I totally got irked and said good bye to that person, never wanting to speak to that person ever again. If you are that person reading this now, I'm sorry, I still don't have the patience to talk to you.
Yes. I'm angry. I'm flustered. I'm boiling. I'm peeved. I'm whatever words you want to insert to say, I'm not just the least bit angry, but I'm FURIOUS.
This was a guy, that I should be a good example to, but today, I couldn't. I lost it. I lost it because I felt that this particular person was being testy. Being beyond saucy. Just plain rude and inconsiderate. Look, if my intentions were to help you, were a bit too blunt with the words, I'm apologize, but to go as far as saying something which shows how much you know me, really peeved me.
Yes. I was called an American worshipper. WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THAT COME FROM? The guy who supports England in soccer (and even that was made fun of), is called an American worshipper? WOW.
$%%*%^*&^%*&^... yes put in your own obscenities there.
Regretfully, I no longer want to be an example for this particular person. I cannot. I feel that this person is JUST testing my limits. And today, those boundaries exist no more. From now on, you can say what you want, do as you please. It will have no more effect on me anymore, because I feel, it's too much to have expectations for you.
As hurting as this is to say, I have zero expectations for you. Do as you please. Insult as you want. Hit and run me over with a truck. It's okay. When there's no expectations, you won't feel betrayed, you won't feel insulted, you won't be angry.
Peace.
Yes. I'm angry. I'm flustered. I'm boiling. I'm peeved. I'm whatever words you want to insert to say, I'm not just the least bit angry, but I'm FURIOUS.
This was a guy, that I should be a good example to, but today, I couldn't. I lost it. I lost it because I felt that this particular person was being testy. Being beyond saucy. Just plain rude and inconsiderate. Look, if my intentions were to help you, were a bit too blunt with the words, I'm apologize, but to go as far as saying something which shows how much you know me, really peeved me.
Yes. I was called an American worshipper. WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THAT COME FROM? The guy who supports England in soccer (and even that was made fun of), is called an American worshipper? WOW.
$%%*%^*&^%*&^... yes put in your own obscenities there.
Regretfully, I no longer want to be an example for this particular person. I cannot. I feel that this person is JUST testing my limits. And today, those boundaries exist no more. From now on, you can say what you want, do as you please. It will have no more effect on me anymore, because I feel, it's too much to have expectations for you.
As hurting as this is to say, I have zero expectations for you. Do as you please. Insult as you want. Hit and run me over with a truck. It's okay. When there's no expectations, you won't feel betrayed, you won't feel insulted, you won't be angry.
Peace.
Friday, July 07, 2006
the dark night
Twang. Bang bang. Bang. Twang.
Gunshots in the night. Need to cover from fire. Have to hide. Why are this people shooting at me? What do I have that they want ? There's no reason to kill me. What does George Bush have against me?
I'm not safe here. Please let me go. I'll be better at home. I don't trust anyone here.
In the dark, only sounds could be heard. When the lights are off, and the night creeps into the room, the sounds, the sounds. they come again. Night after night. Sleepless nights of worry and anxiety.
I'M NOT CRAZY. I've not lost my marbles. Everything was good at home. It's just turning worse here. I know they are trying to poison me through the food. I won't eat I tell you.
The above is an account of how a person, turning 90++, is losing their mind. Not figuratively. Literally losing their mind. The wits get dulled, the memory dimmed, and more and more, they are amnestic. Child like.
Lost of cognition skills.
Inability to function.
Like the dark dark night, it comes, and all that was once seen in light, is consumed in the black matter.
Dementia is like that dark dark night. When one no longer sees, no longer knows, no longer is able to differentiate..
The decline of oneself, dementia is truly like the dark night.
Gunshots in the night. Need to cover from fire. Have to hide. Why are this people shooting at me? What do I have that they want ? There's no reason to kill me. What does George Bush have against me?
I'm not safe here. Please let me go. I'll be better at home. I don't trust anyone here.
In the dark, only sounds could be heard. When the lights are off, and the night creeps into the room, the sounds, the sounds. they come again. Night after night. Sleepless nights of worry and anxiety.
I'M NOT CRAZY. I've not lost my marbles. Everything was good at home. It's just turning worse here. I know they are trying to poison me through the food. I won't eat I tell you.
The above is an account of how a person, turning 90++, is losing their mind. Not figuratively. Literally losing their mind. The wits get dulled, the memory dimmed, and more and more, they are amnestic. Child like.
Lost of cognition skills.
Inability to function.
Like the dark dark night, it comes, and all that was once seen in light, is consumed in the black matter.
Dementia is like that dark dark night. When one no longer sees, no longer knows, no longer is able to differentiate..
The decline of oneself, dementia is truly like the dark night.
Monday, July 03, 2006
this is our world
THis is our world. God's creation.
Beauty that was made,
None can compare,
Breath taking, jaw dropping,
Incomprehensible,
Totally desirable.
God's love for us. THis planet.
Our home.
It's a youtube day :)
Sunday, July 02, 2006
appreciation
Do we appreciate things a little too late? Do we only cherish good times and close ties, only when it's all gone ?
To ejoy it at that moment but not appreciate it, that's common is it not?
This blog is pretty much me thinking out aloud. Initially I was angry at a friend for not really keeping in touch with me. Just MSN. No mail no calls. Nothing. From being close to this person, I felt that we drifted apart, soon each having their own priorities and this particular friendship wasn't too high on the list. And there it was. Gone like the wind. Talking to this friend was now no different talking to any other ppl online. The connection had been lost.
I am upset.
Was it my fault? My friend's fault? Or the distance in between. I understand the pretense of having more work, more priorities, but it also comes to show that, this friendship had dropped low in the priority bar. I don't know. Maybe I'm a sour grape. Maybe I'm a bitter gourd. Whatever it is. I am deeply saddened it has come to this point.
Looks like it's time to move on. We all have our priorities right? Time to get mine straight.
To ejoy it at that moment but not appreciate it, that's common is it not?
This blog is pretty much me thinking out aloud. Initially I was angry at a friend for not really keeping in touch with me. Just MSN. No mail no calls. Nothing. From being close to this person, I felt that we drifted apart, soon each having their own priorities and this particular friendship wasn't too high on the list. And there it was. Gone like the wind. Talking to this friend was now no different talking to any other ppl online. The connection had been lost.
I am upset.
Was it my fault? My friend's fault? Or the distance in between. I understand the pretense of having more work, more priorities, but it also comes to show that, this friendship had dropped low in the priority bar. I don't know. Maybe I'm a sour grape. Maybe I'm a bitter gourd. Whatever it is. I am deeply saddened it has come to this point.
Looks like it's time to move on. We all have our priorities right? Time to get mine straight.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
are we so numb?
Are we so numb? Numb to the fact that this world is so diseased ? That people not only live and die, but suffer from ailments that cannot be cured? Once in a while we are awed by disasters of great propensity, but the ones that which are smaller, we tend to let it be wiped off our minds. True. We cannot store and live in lives full of grief, but without crisis like this, we never learn.
Seeing an Alzheimer's patient really tore my heart, when I started thinking about my parents. No they do not have Alzheimers, but I would most certainly start crying more and more each time I see them, if they did.
I've come to realise, I really appreciate my parents.
When I was young and helpless, and couldn't control my bladder and bowel, my parents changed me and fed me. Kept me from the warm. Sheltered me, and looked at me with love even when they feel tired.
When I was learning to walk, and I would get tired sometimes, my parents would lift me, as I was their bundle of joy, and eventhough they were tired themselves, I was like gold. They would hold me up in their arms.
When I was at that age, when I was learning to form words in my mouth to speak, my parents patiently listened to me and their eyes lit with adoration each time I said something.
When I was curious, and asked so many questions, repeatedly, they answer patiently, trying a different method of explaining things. Never did they tire.
When I was going through school, and had homework to do, my parents would sit and teach, even if they didn't know the work I was doing. They pushed me for excellence and nothing less, and they gave me their very best.
When I was a teenager and I was rebellious, and I would argue my way out of everything, and wanted to do everything, even when I sometimes knew it wasn't good for me, they would still feed me, give me advise when I need it, a hug when I'm down.
When I was 18, and had to go off to college, I was glad to leave home and start anew somewhere else, eventhough I knew my parents would miss me.
I finally got into med school and now Canada. My parents are paying a large sum of money for me to be here. Sometimes, I feel I never tell them enough how much I appreciate them.
Seeing patients that forget more and more each day about their lifes and sometimes even the people around them, I feel so afraid that I'll never get to spend good quality time with my parents anymore. I wish to do them proud and hail as Dr Chik.
Sometimes, so much so, that that desire exceeds my dreams of becoming a doctor.
Are we so numb to our surroundings? Have we forgot who and what circumstances has brought us here? Please. For all of you out there, before you lose something, please please appreciate your loved ones.
Some days, I cannot bear to see another patient's daughter or son, look at you with despair in their eyes, as tears start to well up, wondering: why is my father becoming like this?
Ephesians 6:
2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
Seeing an Alzheimer's patient really tore my heart, when I started thinking about my parents. No they do not have Alzheimers, but I would most certainly start crying more and more each time I see them, if they did.
I've come to realise, I really appreciate my parents.
When I was young and helpless, and couldn't control my bladder and bowel, my parents changed me and fed me. Kept me from the warm. Sheltered me, and looked at me with love even when they feel tired.
When I was learning to walk, and I would get tired sometimes, my parents would lift me, as I was their bundle of joy, and eventhough they were tired themselves, I was like gold. They would hold me up in their arms.
When I was at that age, when I was learning to form words in my mouth to speak, my parents patiently listened to me and their eyes lit with adoration each time I said something.
When I was curious, and asked so many questions, repeatedly, they answer patiently, trying a different method of explaining things. Never did they tire.
When I was going through school, and had homework to do, my parents would sit and teach, even if they didn't know the work I was doing. They pushed me for excellence and nothing less, and they gave me their very best.
When I was a teenager and I was rebellious, and I would argue my way out of everything, and wanted to do everything, even when I sometimes knew it wasn't good for me, they would still feed me, give me advise when I need it, a hug when I'm down.
When I was 18, and had to go off to college, I was glad to leave home and start anew somewhere else, eventhough I knew my parents would miss me.
I finally got into med school and now Canada. My parents are paying a large sum of money for me to be here. Sometimes, I feel I never tell them enough how much I appreciate them.
Seeing patients that forget more and more each day about their lifes and sometimes even the people around them, I feel so afraid that I'll never get to spend good quality time with my parents anymore. I wish to do them proud and hail as Dr Chik.
Sometimes, so much so, that that desire exceeds my dreams of becoming a doctor.
Are we so numb to our surroundings? Have we forgot who and what circumstances has brought us here? Please. For all of you out there, before you lose something, please please appreciate your loved ones.
Some days, I cannot bear to see another patient's daughter or son, look at you with despair in their eyes, as tears start to well up, wondering: why is my father becoming like this?
Ephesians 6:
2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
when we are angry at the wrong things
Yes. It's one of those boring talks by me again. Don't read it if you don't want to. I won't be offended. But I just had another thought provoking, well, thought!
It's about all the ppl in the world, including myself, being angry at the wrong things. Just a few minutes ago, someone said something which not only didn't make any sense, but showed that she was incapable of carrying out an aduilt conversation. And quite honestly, I have UBER disgust for this ppl. They not only irritate me, but I look down at them, like creatures from below who cannot speak. Haha. Okay. That was over dramatic. if you don't know me enough by now by reading my posts, I would say, you haven't really read my posts. :p (AND oh yeah, just for safety net, Mandy, I AM NOT writing about you. haha)
But yes, going back to the topic, should I really have to be angry towards that person ? Or towards anyone at all who are so hell bent on irritating me?
The answer? Everyone say it in unison now: NO!
The world says, why be bothered by things which do not matter? It is true. Will a small bug flying around really mess up your life? Heck yeah it's irritating, but it sure isn't going to make you fail in everything you do miserably. Unless you let it.
The bible, in particular talks a lot about love. Instead of going the other way about avoiding things, how about confronting them with love? Easy for me to say? I agree it is hard to love someone who you dislike. But I'm not quite talking about that kind of love.
The love I'm talking about the love of people in general. I know I know. It's the same right? Love the person you hate, love everyone. It's just a subset of the group. I disagree. Strongly.
If you choose to pick the fly, instead of life around you, you miss out. Similarly, if you chose to pick on that one person who is irritating you, and not look at the world full of good people, you've missed out. Totally. God's love for His people is so great, that He doesn't pick on the one that makes mistakes. If I loved ppl enough, then this won't bother me.
This is the first thing that I feel we often get angry for the wrong reasons.
NOW. For all those other reasons that ppl get angry about, the one that I'd like to address most is anger towards christianity.
What can I say? Christians make mistakes too. As divine as Jesus is, as powerful as God the Father is, and as moving as the Holy Spirit is, christians are still humans, striving for better, but still makes mistakes in spite of everything.
I apologize, if you think christians are rotten. I apologize if we really did shove the gospel down your throat. Sorry for the crusades. Sorry for the bad impression we give you with the careless attitude we hold sometimes. Sincerely, I apologize.
My only request is this. If you are angry at christians, it is fine. But don't use that as an excuse to not be close to God.
It is not God's fault that we are so disobedient. God adores you and God loves you.
Do not let that 'fly' of a christian destroy a beautiful relationship that can exist between you and God. I know God is waiting to bless you.
It's about all the ppl in the world, including myself, being angry at the wrong things. Just a few minutes ago, someone said something which not only didn't make any sense, but showed that she was incapable of carrying out an aduilt conversation. And quite honestly, I have UBER disgust for this ppl. They not only irritate me, but I look down at them, like creatures from below who cannot speak. Haha. Okay. That was over dramatic. if you don't know me enough by now by reading my posts, I would say, you haven't really read my posts. :p (AND oh yeah, just for safety net, Mandy, I AM NOT writing about you. haha)
But yes, going back to the topic, should I really have to be angry towards that person ? Or towards anyone at all who are so hell bent on irritating me?
The answer? Everyone say it in unison now: NO!
The world says, why be bothered by things which do not matter? It is true. Will a small bug flying around really mess up your life? Heck yeah it's irritating, but it sure isn't going to make you fail in everything you do miserably. Unless you let it.
The bible, in particular talks a lot about love. Instead of going the other way about avoiding things, how about confronting them with love? Easy for me to say? I agree it is hard to love someone who you dislike. But I'm not quite talking about that kind of love.
The love I'm talking about the love of people in general. I know I know. It's the same right? Love the person you hate, love everyone. It's just a subset of the group. I disagree. Strongly.
If you choose to pick the fly, instead of life around you, you miss out. Similarly, if you chose to pick on that one person who is irritating you, and not look at the world full of good people, you've missed out. Totally. God's love for His people is so great, that He doesn't pick on the one that makes mistakes. If I loved ppl enough, then this won't bother me.
This is the first thing that I feel we often get angry for the wrong reasons.
NOW. For all those other reasons that ppl get angry about, the one that I'd like to address most is anger towards christianity.
What can I say? Christians make mistakes too. As divine as Jesus is, as powerful as God the Father is, and as moving as the Holy Spirit is, christians are still humans, striving for better, but still makes mistakes in spite of everything.
I apologize, if you think christians are rotten. I apologize if we really did shove the gospel down your throat. Sorry for the crusades. Sorry for the bad impression we give you with the careless attitude we hold sometimes. Sincerely, I apologize.
My only request is this. If you are angry at christians, it is fine. But don't use that as an excuse to not be close to God.
It is not God's fault that we are so disobedient. God adores you and God loves you.
Do not let that 'fly' of a christian destroy a beautiful relationship that can exist between you and God. I know God is waiting to bless you.
Monday, June 19, 2006
when you stopped searching and started believing
I had this question asked once before, when did you stop searching and started believing (in Christ)?
For me, I never really searched. I didn't have the opportunity to do a life long search and then find out that the truth being preached is indeed the truth, and I had wasted all this years not believing it, but fighting against it. I was lucky enough to believe when I was young, when I felt that it was the most logical, and that nothing I knew, could beat my saviors love for me.
He died on the cross. Simple enough.
Guess not for some ppl. Cause they want to debate, about the exclusiveness, and about the existence of God, etc.
Well, guess what? The question about having to stop searching and start believing?
My question for the rest of you out there who haven't started to believe yet, but still 'searching', is:
When will u REALLY start searching for God, instead of evidence AGAINST God?
I mean, c'mon, you say you are searching for the truth. Are you ? Or are you searching for the your own truth? I always hear that a christians view is bias. Well, join the club. Your search and views can be quite bias too when you search for 'truth' to debunk God. Start widening ur horizons a little more, and you'll find that you will find more evidence for rather than against. When I mean research, I mean, pick up the bible. Read it. With an open mind. I confess. It must be difficult to do so, having a mind that only thinks: there is no God, there is no God.
But seriously. Try it. ask around about stuff that you don't understand. Not stuff to DEBUNK the bible. Stuff that YOU truly want to understand.
I dare you. :)
(This post has no relation whatsoever to current events. Just something I was thinking about since I had that big debate over a forum about God)
For me, I never really searched. I didn't have the opportunity to do a life long search and then find out that the truth being preached is indeed the truth, and I had wasted all this years not believing it, but fighting against it. I was lucky enough to believe when I was young, when I felt that it was the most logical, and that nothing I knew, could beat my saviors love for me.
He died on the cross. Simple enough.
Guess not for some ppl. Cause they want to debate, about the exclusiveness, and about the existence of God, etc.
Well, guess what? The question about having to stop searching and start believing?
My question for the rest of you out there who haven't started to believe yet, but still 'searching', is:
When will u REALLY start searching for God, instead of evidence AGAINST God?
I mean, c'mon, you say you are searching for the truth. Are you ? Or are you searching for the your own truth? I always hear that a christians view is bias. Well, join the club. Your search and views can be quite bias too when you search for 'truth' to debunk God. Start widening ur horizons a little more, and you'll find that you will find more evidence for rather than against. When I mean research, I mean, pick up the bible. Read it. With an open mind. I confess. It must be difficult to do so, having a mind that only thinks: there is no God, there is no God.
But seriously. Try it. ask around about stuff that you don't understand. Not stuff to DEBUNK the bible. Stuff that YOU truly want to understand.
I dare you. :)
(This post has no relation whatsoever to current events. Just something I was thinking about since I had that big debate over a forum about God)
Friday, June 16, 2006
the haunting past
I shouldn't be so open about my feelings towards a certain someone, or relating that certain past, but I can't feel a bit nostalgic about a certain something.
My reason being? This whole week, every single night I've been dreaming almost a recurrent theme. Her. Sorry, no names here. To protect that particular person, and of course myself. :)
The current thought that goes through my mind, was on one particular valentine's day not too long ago, when I actually drove up to this hotel to see her, while she was with her family, just to wish her happy valentine's. Mind you, I wasn't going out with her yet, nor were we in a relationship. Well. Actually we never were. However, that particular time, she was adamant that she'll never ever be in a relationship with me. (I must really have that playboy look or something, plus BAD past history with girls).
Well, things did change after that, we did get closer, almost to the point of going into a relationship, but I was getting tired and distant as we got closer. One was mostly, well, I admit it. I can be quite the 'arse' sometimes. Anyhow, there was this whole issue with her and her best friend (who was a guy) which I didn't quite like, and all the things I kind of did to make her equally jealous. Towards the end of that almost 2 year of what I would like to call a 'courtship', we went our seperate ways. Unfortunately. I came to Canada. She didn't. And, things just started to slowly be apart.
We still talk. She still emails. But, I chose not to be in a relationship anymore for the time being, while she wanted to be in a long distant relationship. Totally NO faith in those kind of things. Once again, me being the 'arse', had distant myself. Now? Where are we? I have no idea. Do I regret my actions? Heck yeah. Enough to have recurrent dreams all about it this week. Well, it's all about growing up eh ? Looks like I still have tonnes to do.
*No more should have beens, just what I can do for now*
My reason being? This whole week, every single night I've been dreaming almost a recurrent theme. Her. Sorry, no names here. To protect that particular person, and of course myself. :)
The current thought that goes through my mind, was on one particular valentine's day not too long ago, when I actually drove up to this hotel to see her, while she was with her family, just to wish her happy valentine's. Mind you, I wasn't going out with her yet, nor were we in a relationship. Well. Actually we never were. However, that particular time, she was adamant that she'll never ever be in a relationship with me. (I must really have that playboy look or something, plus BAD past history with girls).
Well, things did change after that, we did get closer, almost to the point of going into a relationship, but I was getting tired and distant as we got closer. One was mostly, well, I admit it. I can be quite the 'arse' sometimes. Anyhow, there was this whole issue with her and her best friend (who was a guy) which I didn't quite like, and all the things I kind of did to make her equally jealous. Towards the end of that almost 2 year of what I would like to call a 'courtship', we went our seperate ways. Unfortunately. I came to Canada. She didn't. And, things just started to slowly be apart.
We still talk. She still emails. But, I chose not to be in a relationship anymore for the time being, while she wanted to be in a long distant relationship. Totally NO faith in those kind of things. Once again, me being the 'arse', had distant myself. Now? Where are we? I have no idea. Do I regret my actions? Heck yeah. Enough to have recurrent dreams all about it this week. Well, it's all about growing up eh ? Looks like I still have tonnes to do.
*No more should have beens, just what I can do for now*
Thursday, June 15, 2006
the one about being at wits end about what's next
I guess I'm at that phase of life, where I'm almost at the end of 'childhood' and about to embark on the journey of 'adulthood'. Don't get me wrong, I don't see myself as a child, or still a teen. HECK no. I'm not THAT much in denial. Once I finish this year (that would be around Sept), I'm pretty much exam free, and it won't be long (in May, before I'm out of the university).
I cannot help but feel helpless sometimes at the thought of it, like a fish left in a rainwater in a pothole on the road. Once the sun comes out, I'm going to be left high and dry. Okay. Maybe not that dramatic, but the thought of having to start working, earning my own money, saving up for things like a car or a place, sacres the bejezzuz out of me. Of course, the more worrisome part is, can I see patients by myself? Until now, in the clinic, I still find myself trying to make a 10 for 10 correct diagnosis on patients, and sadly, I think i'm only at a 6 or a 7 at most. Still lacking.
If I could imagine Yoda saying anything at all, it would be this:
"Lacking still,my young padawan, you are."
(Say it like you're constipated, and add in some grunts in btwn)
Haha.
Some days, what would I not give to go back to my teen years, when all you worry is about is : acne, popularity, what rubbish your friends are talking behind your back, how to get that chick and what nots.. oh yeah, and occasionally studies too.
I'm kidding. I'd rather not.
For all those of you who are not yet quite in 'adulthood' either, come join me in celebration of fear, by trying not to wet ourselves, whimpering in ithe dark cold, remnant corner of 'childhood'.
Whimper more...
I cannot help but feel helpless sometimes at the thought of it, like a fish left in a rainwater in a pothole on the road. Once the sun comes out, I'm going to be left high and dry. Okay. Maybe not that dramatic, but the thought of having to start working, earning my own money, saving up for things like a car or a place, sacres the bejezzuz out of me. Of course, the more worrisome part is, can I see patients by myself? Until now, in the clinic, I still find myself trying to make a 10 for 10 correct diagnosis on patients, and sadly, I think i'm only at a 6 or a 7 at most. Still lacking.
If I could imagine Yoda saying anything at all, it would be this:
"Lacking still,my young padawan, you are."
(Say it like you're constipated, and add in some grunts in btwn)
Haha.
Some days, what would I not give to go back to my teen years, when all you worry is about is : acne, popularity, what rubbish your friends are talking behind your back, how to get that chick and what nots.. oh yeah, and occasionally studies too.
I'm kidding. I'd rather not.
For all those of you who are not yet quite in 'adulthood' either, come join me in celebration of fear, by trying not to wet ourselves, whimpering in ithe dark cold, remnant corner of 'childhood'.
Whimper more...
Monday, June 12, 2006
freedom
FREEDOM! For the white ppl? For the black? For the country that was under imperial ruling for the past 150 years?
Or the kind that allows you to do anything without thinking of the consequences.
Maybe the kind, where you feel you've achieved after coming out of a long exam successful?
As free as the bird in the sky. Without care, without boundaries.
Is that true freedom my friends? The one worth your shout, your joy?
Freedom to do anything,
Not caring, not thinking,
But don't we know?
That this
is the kind of freedom,
that would limit you?
Often we think about the here and now. Not thinking what may happen. Come what may. Bring it on. Etc.
Sure. That's fun. Be the hippy that smokes weed and think nothing, but of their freedom under the tree.
Unforunately, this kind of freedom, is the kind that has bad consequences.
Sure. Sleep around before you are married. Surely, ONE experience is not enough. You won't know who is right for you until you try. And it is my freedom to do what I want. YOU christians have too many rules. Too many things to follow. Why is YOUR God so strict? Chill. I need my freedom. You christians are so uptight.
Like the buzzer that sounds when your given answer is wrong - YOU are most certainly wrong if you think that way.
Arrogant thought you say? I beg to differ. Think about it. Sleeping around has caused many ppl to have children the unplanned way. And the ends to that mean? A shotgun marriage. (I'm not saying that marriage is an imprisonment, but marrying someone you're not quite sure you want to spend the rest of your life is.)
I know what some might be thinking - don't get married then, and not take responsiblity. But that is a topic in itself that will be discussed another time.
What about drugs? Getting hooked on it and never being able to rid yourself of the addiction. Or pornography. Having a computer turn you on, or the tv. BAD.
Is that really freedom? Freedom to do something which will land you in a position that has no more freedom?
God has given us freedom with responsiblities and to be used with discipline. Why ? It's not that He wants to impose rules to keep us on a leash, its because He knows what will happen if we do certain things.
The funny thing is, sometimes we dont' want to do the things He has asked, but when something happens, we ask where is God or why did He do this to us?
Funny. But sad.
Or the kind that allows you to do anything without thinking of the consequences.
Maybe the kind, where you feel you've achieved after coming out of a long exam successful?
As free as the bird in the sky. Without care, without boundaries.
Is that true freedom my friends? The one worth your shout, your joy?
Freedom to do anything,
Not caring, not thinking,
But don't we know?
That this
is the kind of freedom,
that would limit you?
Often we think about the here and now. Not thinking what may happen. Come what may. Bring it on. Etc.
Sure. That's fun. Be the hippy that smokes weed and think nothing, but of their freedom under the tree.
Unforunately, this kind of freedom, is the kind that has bad consequences.
Sure. Sleep around before you are married. Surely, ONE experience is not enough. You won't know who is right for you until you try. And it is my freedom to do what I want. YOU christians have too many rules. Too many things to follow. Why is YOUR God so strict? Chill. I need my freedom. You christians are so uptight.
Like the buzzer that sounds when your given answer is wrong - YOU are most certainly wrong if you think that way.
Arrogant thought you say? I beg to differ. Think about it. Sleeping around has caused many ppl to have children the unplanned way. And the ends to that mean? A shotgun marriage. (I'm not saying that marriage is an imprisonment, but marrying someone you're not quite sure you want to spend the rest of your life is.)
I know what some might be thinking - don't get married then, and not take responsiblity. But that is a topic in itself that will be discussed another time.
What about drugs? Getting hooked on it and never being able to rid yourself of the addiction. Or pornography. Having a computer turn you on, or the tv. BAD.
Is that really freedom? Freedom to do something which will land you in a position that has no more freedom?
God has given us freedom with responsiblities and to be used with discipline. Why ? It's not that He wants to impose rules to keep us on a leash, its because He knows what will happen if we do certain things.
The funny thing is, sometimes we dont' want to do the things He has asked, but when something happens, we ask where is God or why did He do this to us?
Funny. But sad.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
when you're bored and you have nothing to blog about...
Wow. That title in itself probably took up most of my blog ideas. Sad.
Just jk. But I will however be posting some pics up of my shaving escapade. Woo hoo. It shall be titled: My journey- the road hair-less. (Okay, I admit. It was lame. It's supposed to be the road travelled less. This is for all those who weren't quite sharp)
The one thing that I DID want to share in this blog, is my many encounters with the many people from all walks of life. All not knowing where my homeland. Some pretend that they know, and they are shocking embarassed by bold stupid statements. Some are honest and I explain to them where it is (South of Thailand, north of Singapore). Some are just curious.
"Oh, yeah, Malaysia. That's near Somalia right?"
"Oh! Where abouts in Malaysia are you from?"
"From Melaka. Do you know the geography of Malaysia?"
"No. I only know Kuala Lumpur."
"OOOOhhhhh. Malaysia. Where is it ?"
"So, where are you from?"
"Malaysia."
"Oh I see. So, what's the main economy of Indonesia?"
"MALAYSIA produces mainly oil and rubber. We have other industries too, but MALAYSIA'S mainly supported by the export of its oil."
"That's interesting. I've never been to Indonesia before. Wonder what it's like."
Aiyaiyaiyai. If there are more responses like this, I'll just jump of a building.
Okay. Maybe not so dramatic. But it's sad to know, that your country is known less than its neighbours Thailand and Singapore, while all this while, Malaysians make fun of Thailand as a place where husbands (unfaithful ones that is), get their freak on (or whatever you would like to call it). A visit to the bookstore (Chapters), I saw many books on Thailand (5 different ones), and only one about Malaysia, which was shared with Singapore. AND, Singapore had half, or more than half the pages of the book about it. Singapore, the tiny island has more interesting things than Malaysia, the 13 state and 1 federal territory country. Probably 50 times bigger than Singapore.
I guess all the efforts to 'Visit Malaysia' has not reached this side of the world yet. Most unfortunate.
Just jk. But I will however be posting some pics up of my shaving escapade. Woo hoo. It shall be titled: My journey- the road hair-less. (Okay, I admit. It was lame. It's supposed to be the road travelled less. This is for all those who weren't quite sharp)
The one thing that I DID want to share in this blog, is my many encounters with the many people from all walks of life. All not knowing where my homeland. Some pretend that they know, and they are shocking embarassed by bold stupid statements. Some are honest and I explain to them where it is (South of Thailand, north of Singapore). Some are just curious.
"Oh, yeah, Malaysia. That's near Somalia right?"
"Oh! Where abouts in Malaysia are you from?"
"From Melaka. Do you know the geography of Malaysia?"
"No. I only know Kuala Lumpur."
"OOOOhhhhh. Malaysia. Where is it ?"
"So, where are you from?"
"Malaysia."
"Oh I see. So, what's the main economy of Indonesia?"
"MALAYSIA produces mainly oil and rubber. We have other industries too, but MALAYSIA'S mainly supported by the export of its oil."
"That's interesting. I've never been to Indonesia before. Wonder what it's like."
Aiyaiyaiyai. If there are more responses like this, I'll just jump of a building.
Okay. Maybe not so dramatic. But it's sad to know, that your country is known less than its neighbours Thailand and Singapore, while all this while, Malaysians make fun of Thailand as a place where husbands (unfaithful ones that is), get their freak on (or whatever you would like to call it). A visit to the bookstore (Chapters), I saw many books on Thailand (5 different ones), and only one about Malaysia, which was shared with Singapore. AND, Singapore had half, or more than half the pages of the book about it. Singapore, the tiny island has more interesting things than Malaysia, the 13 state and 1 federal territory country. Probably 50 times bigger than Singapore.
I guess all the efforts to 'Visit Malaysia' has not reached this side of the world yet. Most unfortunate.
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